life may have taken a few gulps..

so, i usually consider myself a 'glass half full' type of person. unless we're talking about relationships or the world ever achieving world piece...but never the less, i usually have a positive feel about things and have hope that things can be better. i know that part of that reason is because i have been very blessed in my life, and while nothing is ever perfect, and i've had my share of struggles, the good has always outweighed the bad.

this weekend and today...i feel like the world is a lot less progressed than thought, or at best, hoped. we think that there have been many advances in science/technology/ race and gender relations...and then you experience pure ignorance and things become a bit disheartening.

Example 1: this weekend at the restaurant, two elderly women pulled me aside while i was walking to one of my own tables. i've seen them in before, and i've probably waited on them once or twice. one of the women pulled me in close and asked who her server was going to be. i thought that she was tired of waiting and was ready to order. so i started to let her know that i'd let her server know that she was needed and she'd be over shortly. i realized that i wasn't giving her the answer she wanted. i told her that it was the 'woman behind her at the counter'. she said she couldn't see her and struggled to twist her head around. she then asked if she could move to another section so that she could have 'that' waitress. 'that' waitress was white. her first waitress wasn't. i wanted to tell her to stuff it up her ass and not let the door hit her and her white old lady friend on the way out. but i didn't. i found another table. Not in my section..and said they could move. i even had to help her get up out of the booth. we've had people in there tip poorly because of black waitresses, but i haven't seen something this blatently horrible. and i know...they say ...'they grew up in a different time' as if that's supposed to make anyone feel better about it. i know i have the 'white privilege' and don't experience racism like that all the time...but holy shit. i was furious. and what can you do?

Example 2: at my monday-friday job, i have a client who has been in a psychiatric unit for the last week. the hospital is in a bad neighborhood and when i went to visit him last week, and he asked me if i knew whether his sister was going to visit him, i had to lie and say 'i'm not sure, she Was wondering how you're doing though'. truth is, she makes up excuses why she can't visit him and blames her husband for not wanting to go into 'that neighborhood'...as if stopping a car in a neighborhood of primarily black people inevitably means that he's going to get mugged or shot. today, i got in a huge argument because her brother was being discharged in the late afternoon, which means we can't take him home, and she said she couldn't do it either. she flat out said. i don't know what else to tell you, but i cna't do it. as if it's now my problem to help HER BROTHER home. we got into somewhat of a power struggle, she was snotty, rude to my staff and outright REFUSED to take any responsibility for her brother's situation. the kicker is, she yells at us when he doesn't answer the door and so doesn't get his meds, and talks about how much she cares for him all the time. um...buying someone groceries once a week and yelling at Thresholds staff doesn't make up for not caring. and it's not like she even lives in a 'safe' neighborhood. it's all just so sad. And...her refusing to help her brother Does put the responsibility back on us. we ended up advocating for the member to get a cab ride home. oh yeah, that feels good, to leave the hospital by yourself and go home to an emty apartment. i was FURIOUS. and trying to remain professional as much as possible, was the hard part. i've done nothing but try to work with her in the past. but i'm realizing you can't get blood from a heart of stone, and there's really just no point.

it's bullshit. all of it. we commend ourselves for being so much more welcoming and more tolerant/accepting. uh...not today, and not this weekend, and not ever day when this crap keeps going on.

in looking forward...i guess we do have to keep going. keep hoping that the world can get better and keep seeing the glass as half full, even if there's only a quarter left.