time for a new post...

mostly because i can't take looking at that t-shirt every time i come to this site...

today is thursday but it's my friday cause i'm taking a 3 day weekend...woohoo!!

lata bitches...

here it is folks.

ok. so with great shame and humiliation, i give you the Back (THANK GOD) of the new shirt i have to wear at my restaurant. i know i said i'd quit if i had to wear this. i all but begged the owner to let us just wear black, to let us keep the small amount of dignity and professionalism we have left after working there, but alas, he has decided on this.



i have decided that for now, the plan is to swallow my pride, stay there until i take my test for my license (LCPC) and then call it quits. Having a deadline in mind helps me survive and keep my sanity.

reveling in free time..

the restaurant i work for on the weekends has been shut down for a few weekends, and i can't explain how much i LOVE having weekends off. since i started two years ago, i pretty much have only taken full weekends off when going out of town, but i've had three weekends off now, and i LOVE IT!!!

yesterday i slept in, went to the dog park, to target with a friend, out for dinner, and out to a movie. today, i slept in, made myself breakfast, took a bike ride to the lake, read part of a book, watched some tv, got some work done, made dinner...relaxed. it is truly a gift to be able to relax and have time off.

i really don't want to go back to work. i saw yesterday that the restaurant is back open again...so i'll have to work again soon, but it's been great while it lasted!!

what i hate most about being sick and living on my own

while it's nice to be really young and have mom or dad dote on you when you're not well, the most frustrating thing about being an adult and sick while NOT living with dad/mom or anyone else is that even in SUB ZERO weather, i STILL have to let my dog out three times a day. my nose hairs literally froze the second i walked outside this morning and because we have so much snow, we have to walk half a block to find a section of yard that B can use. i keep telling myself i need to train him to poop and pee in the toilet. it would save me so much hassle. however, until i actually put that crazy idea into action, i have to get all bundled up and hope i don't run into anyone while i look like death and feel like shit. this headache really seems to want to win this fight.

the other annoying thing is, to have all this time on my hands and not be able to do anything fun with it. i've had about 4 naps today, i tried to watch some "it's always sunny in philadelphia" (my new favorite incredibly crude and inappropriate show), i watched Swingers again and a few Jon Stewart Daily Show episodes, but the whole time i wanted to curl in a ball and have it all just end. the pain i mean.

the good thing is, i was able to have a really great weekend around the city both inside and outside, catching some cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory and an improv show at Improv Olympic. Not to mention a few drinks and a few laughs. i was even able to say 'lata bitches' a few times. it was great fun!!

must bundle myself up now and let B out for his evening business.

a little bit all over the place.

so, i'm fully aware that i've been neglectful of my precious blog as of late...or as of the last 6 or so months. i've had so much going on that i really don't usually know where to start. the last few days on the ride home from work i finally had some clear thoughts as to what to write in a post or two, but i find that, just like the last few months, once i get home, all intelligent/comprehensive/interesting thoughts have completely vanished from my mind, and i sit and look at a blank screen not knowing where to even start. as is the same today. however, i have trudged onward and have been able to spew a few nonsensical words together to create what you are currently reading now. the honesty that is required in order to be truly relateable and interesting is not always something i feel i want to give. and in all truth, blogging is not the only thing that suffers at the end of my long days. i often have lofty desires to read books, research interesting events that have transpired over the day, listen to music i've heard on interesting radio stations, and learn the general knowledge that i seem to have missed in my 27 years of life. sometimes i feel that i have something good to contribute and other times i feel that i've been in a bubble of self analysis that has somehow exempt me from experiencing everyday things which everyone else and their mother's seem to have lived and seem to know about. and on those days, it seems much easier to post videos copied from two years ago, or go on and on about my dog, who, let's face it, really is only interesting to me and a few loyal friends of mine.

a conversation i shared with a recently new coworker has stuck with me the last few days. the discussion involved the need to 'wine and dine' the wealthy into donating money, in order to prove our need for finances to continue to provide our services. i understand that the company i work for is a business. it's a human services business. we're, (i'm) in a business which involves providing 'help' services to people who need them, whether they believe they need them or not (in some cases). i am fully aware that we need money in order to provide these services and that the state, as has been proven recently by our idiot governor, is screwed up, and doesn't pay my company enough for the services we provide. therefore, we need the assistance of wealthy donors to stay afloat. but what is the best way to get these wealthy donors to give us money? is it by showing them a good time, getting in on their levels and showing them success stories of what our services can do? is it necessary to spend lots of money to 'wine and dine', to 'wow' them, to seduce them, to reel them in...as if the pure difficulties our members face, the mere reality of discrimination and negative stigma, and lack of resources/support/assistance don't prove to be enough to show the need for financial support?

perhaps my naivete in regards to running a business proves the problem here. and perhaps my issues more stem from the fact that my coworker, who is in the development field and not the social work field, frustrates me in regards to his lack of empathy for and clear lack of understanding of the financial stress those who are Not in the development department are under when lay offs have started and it's unclear who else may be next. Can't some of the money used to impress and inspire potential donors be used to keep the jobs of those who need them and continue the services that they provide? maybe not, but i have to say, i have really become frustrated with ignorant people who have power/influence or even the opportunities to make so much positive difference, and get impressed by the wealthy while losing sight of the original cause, if there was sight of the original cause to begin with.

which gets me to our current political disaster which includes Illinois' Governor Rod Blagojevich. As i understand, he's been under investigation for over 2 years in regards to 'pay to play' politics, and has allegedly tried to sell the seat in the Senate previously held by Barack Obama, not to mention, he's accused of trying to illegally manipulate the selling of the Cubs as a bargaining tool to get rid of certain Editors in the Chicago Tribune. One commenter on NPR this morning joked that even a Hollywood movie writer probably wouldn't've put these circumstances/events together as a believable story-line. Funny thing is, the former governor George Ryan, Blagojevich's predecessor, was also convicted of corruption and is serving a 6.5 yr sentence for it right now. Gotta love politics these days. or gotta love Illinois/Chicago politics. Turns out Blagojevich's proposed budget completely ignores the hundreds of millions that Illinois is already in the hole and proposes spending amounts for 2009 to be billions of dollars more than the 2008 fiscal year. I have no idea where this money is coming from (things like leasing the Illinois Lottery???? and borrowing money by selling general obligation pension bonds???) Meanwhile, things like financing social service agencies including the one i work for (the state owes my company alone over $8 million), as well as funding the CTA (trains and buses) in order for the working class to be able to have reliable, efficient transportation in this city...have been completely forgotten about. to be fair, the rest of the government hasn't done much to help, though senior citizens and people with disabilities can now ride free, but fair hikes for the rest of us go into effect some time in early 09 and the parking meters that he has decided to lease out to private companies, will surely increase in costs just to park downtown (though that was a Mayor Daley decision). overall, i feel like we keep paying more and more and getting less and less. i know this isn't isolated to just Illinois, or just Chicago, but i Do know that if nothing else, the respect, security and confidence we hold in our leaders is dwindling by the minute.

just a few things i've been thinking about. i'll save love and loss for another day...

oh, but just to come full circle...here's a delightful pic of my dog's crap. yes, it happened again, and we all know that if i had tried on purpose, i never would've been able to do the same thing twice.

my dog literally shit in my car today...

i hate him...

look what i found from a few years ago???

the quality is horrible as these are being filmed with a crappy camera....but it's still cool to see and remember!!


at the Morris house before they played a few new songs...the beginning of A Thousand Plateaus so it's actually still Spice Coyote





the Main reason we came to GR in February...to see Sigur Ros at Calvin!!!!


Ahh...i love you ladies:):)

every time.

i swear, every time i finally admit that i like a guy, it's over. every time.

i hate boys. they make me lose all confidence and reason. every time.

a review of events...

so...The week since the Election has been a busy and great one. Spending Election night in Chicago was truly something that i will never forget. the energy was unbelievable and i got to share it with some great friends at a fun bar. a few friends had headed out to Grant Park to see if it was worth hanging out at for the big night, but had a difficult time seeing anything but the top of the stage way down at the end of the park. Without tickets to get closer, it would have been difficult to even see TVs that would have given updates on the results, so we all decided to head over to a local bar for some Maker's Mark drinks (and classes that we took home) and a great time watching the country make history...a truly proud American moment!! along with some of the girlfriends, came a few friends from GR...
i think we had some fun...

that was Tuesday night...out til 3, work the next day, it was nuts.
Wednesday night
-hung out with DW and TJ, left to pic sis up from the airport and had a few more beers with the guys before we all called it a night.
Thursday
-Slept in, watched multiple episodes of the Daily show with Jon Stewart
-late breakfast/brunch/lunch at Nookies enjoying our cute (tho gay) waitor!
-i did some work, while we watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
-Dinner in OakPark with AM and K/R and kids at P.F. Chengs.
Friday
-more sleeping in, lounging
-more work at Caribou Coffee
-shopping downtown (H&M, Forever 21)
-dinner with AV at Halsted's and
-drinks at local bar--commenting on girl who shouldn't be wearing a certain shirt if she can't fit into it..
-another bar with a fantastic open-mic-night-singer/guitar player, meeting the locals both in side and outside the bar...
-late night pizza which included the near fistfight between a bunch of drunk guys...two of whom were kicked out before we were able to order...gotta love the effects of alcohol!!
Saturday
-oh yeah...went to bed at 3pm the night before and woke up at 5:15 to bring bro to the airport on his way to SABA to visit his girlfriend TH...the things we do for the people we love!!!
-went back home and slept in LATE...
-watched Greys'/Lipstick Jungle episodes online
-hungout and waited for AM to make it into town...and headed downtown for Chipotle dinner and a bus to take us to the United Center to see the Bulls play the Cavaliers...enjoyed watching LeBron James...yummy
-after the game we headed to Lakeview/DePaul area for some great wine and pumpkin/cheese cake...but not before getting pushed like cattle in the subway on the way out of the game...Sunday
-had to work...sis and AM went shopping after breakfast at my diner
-took a nap and headed out to Jewel to get some groceries for an easy dinner, which included roasting garlic, bacon, parsley, flour, noodles, cream...i think that was it...it made some seriously amazing mac and cheese...
-we had some difficulty finding a liquor store that was open after 6pm on Sunday, but were able to get some great wine...and with the wine, it was the greatest time i've had cooking in a Long time:):) one might even be Wisked Away with all the great skill used to reduce the cream by a 1/3. Eggs the next morning turned out to be egg-celent even...but AM isn't cheesy at all!!
-thanks to AM and another trip to Jewel, my apartment is fully equipped with a cork-screw, a 9x13 pan and a new cookie sheet
Monday
-made french toast out of dry italian bread for breakfast
-did some shopping in my neighborhood, found some Great sweaters, hats, art work, jeans, gloves all the good stuff
-had dinner at the Bar-Celona with $2 burgers and $2/$3 beers...yummy
-walked into another bar for drinks and got ID'd by a young guy who wasn't the bouncer...subsequently got laughed at by cute boys who thought it was funny...soon after we left..
-instead, we went to an Irish Pub with an authentically Irish bartender...a Great new find!
-tried to make cookies but didn't realize til after we started that we had used all of the eggs for breakfast
-fell asleep watching Guess Who? and headed to bed.
Tuesday
-slept in/watched Youtube videos
-bought boots. found better boots at 2nd store. returned original boots.
-lunch at great restaurant where we went over all of the events of the week and made list
-took sis to airport to say goodbye for another long time. had great conversations on the way there and before she went through security
she's such a hottie!!
i believe that i'll be in hibernation until thanksgiving!!...but it was all totally worth every minute!!

a day off..

so i took the day off today. i don't get any time around Christmas/New Years, so i've been taking random days here and there to give myself 'vacation'. this weekend was kinda crazy so to have a few extra hours of relaxing is just what i needed. somehow things continue to surprise me, things get complicated, and fun and strange all at the same time. no complaints...just time needed for reflection and decisions on where to go from here. relationships/religion/morality/ethics/the overall meaning of life...it all gets bundled up together. vague enough?? haha...i thought so:)

a few weeks ago i was talking to a friend about the Chicago International Film festival that was going on that the time. i was mentioning a few of the movies i went to last year and the ones i went to this year. Last year i saw 3 films, one was a documentary of an Iraqi film student during the war, another was Lars and the Real girl..about the struggles of dealing with feelings that often overwhelm, and another movie was in subtitles about the Israeli war in the 80s. this year i saw Boy in the Stripped pajamas, a film about a German boy during WWII, and another film was about a woman in Sweden who struggled in a marriage with an alcoholic trying to support her 5 children. this friend of mine stated the obvious that all of the films i mentioned were really dark and heavy, not the feel good comedy fun type. it's true. they are kind of intense, and i guess i have the tendency to be pretty intense as well...not that i don't like having fun...a few pics below will show i'm up for a good time...but it's tru, i enjoy movies/discussions that are related to real life experiences and real life is intense at times. i seem to stay with my own thoughts about life that are pretty intense as well...

but in an attempt to Not be so intense...

yes, i went and got a spray tan...just for fun. a friend of mine works at a tanning salon and kept bugging me to come in and take advantage of any deal he could give me. as i don't like laying a frying in a tanning bed, i figured i'd give the spray tan a shot. now, he did it personally, it wasn't a machine like on Friends when Ross keeps getting sprayed on the same side...it was done pretty well, except my hands were pretty dark and blotchy...fun for the costume though. everyone i work with got a huge kick out of it!!! something i tried but won't do again probably! the halloween party was a blast though...it's so easy to talk to people...the costumes are great conversation starters!!

Cats or Dogs

i've always considered myself a dog person...but i have to say i'm enjoying cats lately a lot more than i used to...mostly the ones that act more like dogs, but...still, they're adorable. and they can sit on your lap and purr and be all soft...
love it!!

no worries, my B-minator is still the only pet for me:)

life is never boring for too long...

i was in a small car accident last night. my poor car is a mess again. it was raining, it was dark and i had just stopped at a stop sign about 4 blocks from my apartment. i looked in my rear-view mirror and realized the SUV behind me was coming way too quickly and was way too close. he rear ended my car, and ruined my back bumper. i can barely open or close my trunk. so i'm at it again with the insurance and the estimates and the planning on getting a rental or taking the el for a few days. the nice thing is i'm on the better side of the insurance claim this time, as it wasn't my fault at all. problem is, the whiplash was kind of bad and i'm sore everywhere from my head down my neck/shoulders/upper back. i went to the Dr today to make sure i got checked out and she said it may get worse before it gets better. i'm currently laying on my couch with a heating pad, which is a god-send. Dr gave me a script for physical therapy if things get worse, though i'm Really hoping this is only an extra precaution. problem is, i was so flustered/pissed off/in shock, that i only got the guy's business card. and when i called him today for more info, i had to leave a message. i'm hoping he's legit and will call me back. i'm sad for my car, and the hassle this will be, but really, i'd like things to just be quiet for a while. i have a lot going on this month, and car trouble was Not on my list of things to have to deal with. that's life i guess.

also i've been meaning to dedicate a blog to each of these events because they were both really soo good. the first is really one of my favorite nights ever! i finally got to see Stars live and it was better than i was even expecting it to be. even though bands rarely play the songs you love exactly how you love them, it was truly amazing. AV and JS came all the way to Chicago from GR to join myself, DW and RR for the show. Rachael Yamagata was the second concert i've been wanting to go to for years. she was also great live and she sang one of her new songs Elephant acappella and you could literally hear a pin drop. i got goose bumps.

Waiting for the show to start...JS couldn't look any less excited...but the rest of us knew better!!
So great to share this concert with my bro...who definitely takes all credit for introducing me to this fabulous band!!
what's so funny AV??
and they're on...OMG they're amazing!!!


and some Rachael Yamagata...
oh, and some pics from a goodbye party for HK...oh how we will miss him...but wish him all the best!!

a few words...

she's making this too easy...

Watch CBS Videos Online





i've heard a clip on NPR of Palin answering a question about why she feels she's qualified to be the VP. All she said was that she's qualified. and as the questioner repeatedly asked for specifics, in her answer she replied, if you want specifics as to why i'm prepared, just ask me, but i am prepared. UM...YOU WERE JUST ASKED.

at this rate she'll give SNL enough material for hundreds of skits ...

both Palin and McCain continue to skirt around issues, using cliches and 'feel good' phrases, which are all well and good, but until you start being able to verbalize how you're going to do that, showing that they actually understand the problems of these issues and knowing how to address them, instead of being vague and just telling people what they think they want to hear...then i will take them more seriously as competant competitors in the presidential race.

when talking about Veterans, McCain talked about how he is a veteran and so he loves all Veterans, and so therefore will, and i quote, "guarantee" that they receive better health care. Obama talked about them struggling with PTSD which needs to be adressed and hasn't been, along with physical rehab, etc. That shows me that Obama knows what's going on, and isn't just blowing smoke up my @$$. Not that McCain doesn't know about PTSD, but if he doesn't recognize it as a major problem that needs to be addressed...how is he going to "guarantee" that appropriate care is provided for them.

ok, i won't keep going. but i will say this. i feel that Obama is very wise and is honest, even if it's difficult. His comment about picking Biden was that he didn't want someone who was going to be a 'yes' man, but someone that would challenge him to make the right decisions. i feel that McCain is just trying to say what he thinks he has to in order to win, and frankly, his history in the Military doesn't prove to me that he'd be a better president, and his choice of VP actually proves to me that his decision making skills/judgement are questionable (and that's saying it nicely).

ok i'm done.

the results of my laziness

in the back of my apartment building is an alley...and it's not a great place to walk my dog and provide him with ample grass for 'him to poop on'. so i always take him out in the front of my building in the morning and afterwork. The problem is, the garbage is in the back of the building, but i'm LAZY and don't want to walk all the way around my building (which is all the way around a block's worth of buildings because there's no space between each building/house)..so once my dog has done his 'business', i take the bag of poop, walk through the basement of my building to the back and climb the three flights of stairs, and when at the top, i throw the poop bag, aiming away from the parked cars and as close to the garbage as possible...which i consequently place into the garbage can when i leave for work. the extra 10 feet it would take me to just put the bag in the garbage in the first place, then having to open the locked door again is just too much time wasted. unfortunately, sometimes my aim is a little off...
the green bag of poop literally landed on the wire between my building and the pole behind it. i couldn't do that i if i tried a million times. sadly, even in the windy city the bag hasn't been blown to the ground yet. one can only hope to Not be walking under it when it finally gives way. it is a biodegradable bag after all...and so are it's contents.

Office Anonymous

it turns out that i may be in need of a 12 step program to deal with my current 'Office' addiction. See, it all started a few months ago when i watched all of season 4 online (when it was all online on http://www.nbc/) in about two days and i realized i had been missing a treasure and didn't know how i'd make it til the next season to figure out if Jim proposes to Pam or if she ends up going to school in NYC and leaving him. What i had wrongly thought was boring proved to be an amazing show of artistic and comedic writing as well as impressive and clever acting. Steve Carell is truly good at what he does! It worsened when a good friend of mine RR lent me the 2nd season of the Office when i was sick and i did nothing but watch the episodes over and over. Literally. Like i'd watch 4/5 episodes at night, and sometimes, if i fell asleep during an episode at night, i'd actually watch it again in the morning. I was even late to work on occassion for having to finish an episode. I think i watched the season finale about 8 times. Yesterday i reluctantly gave RR her dvd's back and came home today with an oddly quiet feeling in my apartment. though somehow i feel better because it's Thursday and there should be a rerun on NBC tonight, so i'll get a small dose of the Jim/Pam, Michael/Jan, Dwight/Angela, Ryan/Kelly drama that i've been missing. i may or may not have been relieved when a friend's offer to hang out Thursday or Saturday became a for sure Saturday plan, and i may or may not have had a dream involving one or more of the show's characters. I may or may not be living vicariously through the lives of everyone on the show...or perhaps one lucky girl...

i may or may not have seen almost every Youtube clip with either John Krazinski or Steve Carell in them...





i think all the signs are there, i'm addicted. My name is Reshae and i"m an Office Addict. and guess what...next week, the next season starts. i'm sooo freakin excited...

SNL clip...a must see

i don't want to be her but i totally am...

Scene VI – The Car Ride (from Before Sunset with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy)

Location notes: Quai Henri IV is located on the Right Bank just west of Pont d’Austerlitz.

Jesse: Glad somebody does. Now, this is better than the Metro, right?

Céline: Definitely!

(The camera cuts ahead of the car, leading it as it pulls onto the main road. The conversation continues.)

Céline: I was thinking...for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. (Cut to interior of the car.) It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... there were no real...connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it...is it really that bad? It's not, right?

Céline: (Shaking her head with eyes nearly watering.) You know...it's not even that. I was...I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and…

Jesse: (Smiling sympathetically.) Oh God. (Rubs his face with both hands.)

Céline: …and that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: (Pointing at himself.) I think I'm one of those guys.

Céline: (Yelling.) You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn't they ask ME to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

Jesse: (Sheepishly.) Can I talk?

Céline: (Speaking more quietly.) You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

Jesse: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...

Céline: (Interrupting.) OK, you know what? (Moving her fingers to mock the movement of Jesse’s mouth as he speaks.) Those are words! I've gotta...I've gotta get away from you. (To Philippe.) Stop the car, I want to get out!

Jesse: No, no, no, don't...don't get out.

Céline: You know, it's being around you...

Jesse: Keep talking...

Céline: (Jesse grabs her arm) Don't touch me! (Slaps his hand.) You know, I wanna get on a cab...

(To Philippe.) Monsieur! Arretez-vous! Non, non, c'est bon, au feu la! Juste au feu, au coin, il y a un metro meme! Je veux prendre le metro. (Sir, please stop! No, no, it’s okay, at the next traffic light, at the corner, there is even a metro! I want to take the metro.)

Jesse: (To Philippe) No, no, no, keep going... (To Céline) No, listen, I'm just so happy... (To Philippe) Thank you, just keep going...(To Céline.) Alright. Look, I am just so happy, alright...to be with you. I am. I'm so glad you didn’t forget about me. OK.

Céline: No, I didn't...and it pisses me off, OK? You come here to Paris, all romantic, and married, OK? Screw you! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you or anything. I mean, all I need is married man! There's been so much water under the bridge, it's...it's not even about you anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone, I don't know!

Jesse: You...you say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex. So...

Céline: (Flatly, with resignation.) Of course I remembered.

Jesse: (Confused.) You did?

Céline: Yes! Women pretend things like that. I don’t know…(Laughs.)

Jesse: (Still confused.) They do?

Céline: Yeah, what was I supposed to say? That I remember the wine in the park and...us looking up at the stars fading away as the sun came up? We had sex TWICE (claps her hands), you idiot!

Jesse: Alright, you know what? I'm just...happy to see you, even if...you've become an angry, manic depressive activist. I still like you! I still enjoy being around you!

(Reaches out to touch her face, but pulls his hand back quickly, before she notices.)

Céline: And I feel the same. (Laughing.) I'm...I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I just...I had to let it all out. I...

Jesse: Don't worry about it.

Céline: I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter, I'm just...uh…

Jesse: You think you're the one dying inside? My life is twenty four-seven...BAD.

Céline: I'm sorry.

Jesse: No, no, no...I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son. I've been to marriage counseling, I've done things I never thought I would have to do. I lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie...

Céline: Did the candles help?

Jesse: HELL. NO. (Plaintively.) Alright, I don’t love her the way she needs to be loved, and...I don't even see a future for us. But then I look at...at my little boy, sitting at the table across from me, and I think I would have suffered any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life. You know, I don't wanna miss out on one. But then...there's no joy, or laughter, in my home. You know, and I don't want him growing up in that!

Céline: Oh, no laughter? That's terrible. My parents have been together for 35 years and even when they have a bad fight they end up laughing like crazy.

Jesse: I just...I don't wanna be one of those people who are...getting divorced at 52 and falling down into tears admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel that their life has been (waves his hand, as if being pulled) sucked up into a vacuum cleaner! You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life. She deserves that! Alright? But we're just living in a pretense of a marriage, responsibility and all these...just...ideas of how people are supposed to live. Then I...I have these dreams...

Céline: What dreams?

Jesse: (Looks away distantly.) I have these dreams, you know, that I’m…I'm standing on a platform, and uh, you keep going by on a train, and...you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream, oh...where you're...pregnant, in bed beside me, naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to and then you look away and...and I...I...I touch you anyway, right on your ankle and your skin is so soft and I wake up in sobs, alright? (Inhales deeply.) And my wife is sitting there looking at me, and I feel like I'm a million miles from her, and I know that there's something...wrong! (Céline reaches out to stroke Jesse’s face, but pulls her hand back before he sees her.) You know, that I ca...that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment. But then I think that...I might have given up...on the whole idea of romantic love. That I...I might have put it to bed that...that day when you weren't there. You know, I think I might have done that.

Céline: (Eyes starting to water again.) Why are you telling me all this?

Jesse: I'm sorry. I don't know, I'm...I...I should...I...I shouldn't have.

Céline: You know, it's so weird...that people think they are the only one going through tough times. I mean when I read the article I thought...your life was perfect. A wife, a kid, a published author. (Jesse laughs.) Your personal life is more of a mess than mine! I'm sorry! (Both laugh.)

Jesse: Well...I'm glad it's good for something.

Céline: (To Philippe.) Oh, monsieur, c'est la! Rentrez dans la passe la. (Sir, this is it. Pull into the alley right there.)

(Camera cuts to exterior of the car pulling into the driveway of Céline’s apartment.)

Redbull Flugtag 2008

a perfect weekend with my bro and a few friends...and a really wacky yet entertaining event with perfect weather and sights of the city...here are a few pics of the redbull Flugtag event. we didn't get to stay the whole time, but it was fun none-the-less! (Feel free to click on the pics to make them bigger and easier to see)

a gorgeous view of the city from the pier on North Ave beach...boats were beginning to congregate for the event...
this is the north side of the pier at North Ave beach...Castaways is in the back sort of on the left...
And this was the contraption that the flying objects were going to 'fly' off of within an hour of our arrival. the life guard was looking over us all and performing his duties well...

First up was the plane from the Cubs....the people in blue were wearing huge baseballs on their heads.their plane didn't fly far at all...
Next were the smurfs...
their 'plane' didn't go Anywhere...
then there were some guys from Iowa who's slogan was 'go schuck yourself'... i don't know how the driver was still alive, he landed just after the plane hit the water and he crashed right into it...
next was some group that had a hotdog plane. it was bottom heavy and died the second it left the runway...
these guys actually caught some air and i think got nearly 120 feet...
this was essentially a handglider...
overall, a fabulous and very entertaining time...!!

paper airplanes on steroids and LSD

So, i'll be attending an Annual RedBull Flugtag (flying day) event on saturday...and i'm so excited. i remember seeing commercials for the event but didn't actually know it was real, or that it was going to be held at North Ave Beach in Chicago, the same beach i saw the AVP tournament last summer and where i frequently play beach volleyball. i'm totally stoked...and don't you worry, plenty of pics will be posted to show how interesting, and crazy people are sometimes...the idea is that people can win the competition by creating the most interesting flying air craft, pushing it off a 30 foot cliff and having it stay in the air the longest. the contraptions people have come up with are very individual, interesting and totally fun to watch...also, all their hard work is ruined the minute their aircraft lands in the water...it'll be great!!

check these out to help explain...

redbull flugtag 2008 Chicago