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good to be back in cyber space

i have to without the internet is incredibly difficult. i didn't think it would be so bad...and maybe if i wasn't new everywhere, it wouldn't be so bad, but i rely on the internet for all kinds of stuff...directions to the nearest target...or the post office...or whatever. i always look up mapquest to get a better feel for my surroundings, and it's soo hard not to be able to. no white pages for store addresses or updates on my current bank and credit card balances, which are incredibly important right now to be on top of, as my credit card limit and my bank account are close to maxing out...or running out...either one.

so, i have finally made it to a caribou coffee, which is open til 11pm and after a $3.95 fee for an 'unlimited' two hour use (doesn't 'Two Hours' put a limit on the transaction?? or is that just me...) i'm connected to my cyber world again. kinda sad...but true. i feel so far from people when i can't check my email or facebook/myspace/blogspot/hotmail accounts Every. THirty. seconds. ok, not every 30 seconds, but at LEAST once a day. here i am. and there isn't really all that much to catch up on...a few emails, a few posts on myspace and facebook (all of which are INCREDIBLY thank you:):). still, life goes

anyways, here's an update from my first few days here in Illinois...i wrote this last night, and since then have made it to the city and back to wheaton again, discovered a few strip malls where i spent Way too much money on a Fabulous pair of Silver jeans (not the color, but the brand) and a few other things that will just make this adjustment a little more comfortable. i drove a new coworker home and made it back to the highway...and i love it...all of's fabulous:)

so, here's from last night:

My first day of work in Chicago:

So, i have made it to Chicago (more specifically wheaton) in one piece and I survived my first day of work. I was really more nervous about getting to work than actual training. I’ve done a million first days of work, and I know it’s never anything to worry about in terms of stress, it’s orientation, so except for being late, you can’t really screw up.

But, things with my ‘host’ family…(aka Jennifer Lynn’s dad, sister and two college/grad students...) have been nothing but good so far. When I got to the house, I was trying to remember the last time I had been there, and I remembered the porch and the basketball hoop. I got out to look for the house number, and when I didn’t see it, I went back into the car to call jenny to get her to tell me if I was at the right house…but she wasn’t home, so I got out again, and decided i’d go up and ask and if I was wrong, what’s the worst that could happen... But on my way to the door, jenny’s sis came out saying ‘yeah, I think that’s her’…and she and her dad proceeded to welcome me with a hug, which was a nice surprise. her brother john didn’t give me a hug. I wonder why. Any ideas???

But, back to the main topic at hand...i’ve made it to jenny’s house, and to and from work. I was over 45 mins early this morning…and good thing cause I was up at the ungodly hour of 5:30am in order to leave at 6:30.. now I hope I can leave at 7 to make it by 8:20, which will probably still leave me with too much time. And after an ice breaker, we got to spend the rest of the morning learning stats about Thresholds and the afternoon learning an uber condensed version of my last two years of counseling and all my courses in psychology. Tomorrow will continue with Ethics...which I took a whole semester class in last semester. I’m not complaining. It’s just a little boring.

But everyone has been really nice. Though I almost got into an argument with a guy who’s hobby is finance and investing…so I chatted with him at one of our breaks about how I need to learn a lot about finance investing…to get rid of my student loans and try to be smart with my money now that I’m out of school…yada yada. This other girl chimes in and states how she’s glad that her educational loans will be deferred when she goes to grad school so that she doesn’t have to pay them yet. The guy, who is very nice, but a little too confident about his knowledge of money, stated that you should still pay the interest on the loans while they’re deferred so that it doesn’t get added to the final amount. And I was like, yeah, that would be nice, but it’s not always possible…seeing as I worked my ass off in grad school and couldn’t even afford to pay the interest on my school loans. But he was like, well, the Smart thing to do would be to pay the interest, so that it doesn’t accrue…blah blah. And I was like , Yeah, if you CAN that would be ideal, but some people can’t do that…’. He got a little annoyed, and so did i. oh, and before, he was explaining that he had read this Great book about how to invest and that getting an education isn’t a good investment, but is pretty much a waste of time. Maybe that’s why I got all hot and bothered…don’t tell me the thousands of dollars in loans for my Master’s degree was a waste of my time, pal.

Anyways, after that, we were quiet for a while and then I went to the bathroom. As I washed my hands, I thought to myself that I probably shouldn’t let some random guy , the First day of Training at my NEW job, get under my skin so much…why did I get so annoyed…geez girl, chill the hell out.

So, after that, I went back, and agreed with the next few things he said that were actually accurate and not so ignorant and we chatted during the next break again.

But, my psychology minded thought process, when I got there, was all about who was there, what were we all doing..who was late, who was 20 mins early, who was older/younger, black/white, male/female. I wondered if it was really training or if it was a test to see how people reacted in a crazy experiment, and if the trainer was going to walk in dressed in a cape with a rabbit in her hand. responses were going to be examined and added to the psych stats books for years to come.

But then I came back to reality…and my narcissistic paranoia subsided as the trainer came in appropriately dressed and didn’t end her first (or last) sentence with “well, this was actually a test, and you all failed”…

I made it back to wheaton in 45 mins…bought a few groceries at the Jewel Osco…which, dad will be happy to hear, sells President’s Choice food…and I came back to the house to eat some great food and chill in my room to write this crazy long blog entry that I won’t actually be able to post til later either tomorrow or Wednesday b/c I don’t have internet access.

A good beginning. I miss brayson, and hot EMT::winks:: but a good beginning none-the-less…
Time for bed so I can start it all over tomorrow

Random Aside: It’s weird though, I’ve had the song ‘for the price of a cup of tea’-belle and Sebastian in my head for the last two days…woke up with it this morning in my head, and periodically throughout the day have heard it going in my head. ::today it was Feist's Mushaboom, also fabulous:):: And now, as I write, I feel HAVE to listen to it…like ocd where I’m not satisfied until I hear it a few times…over and over. Like I need my ‘for the price of a cup of tea’ quotient for the day. Why it’s not a different song, I don’t know…but I’m compelled to listen to it…and I know that soon, I’ll have listened to it so much that I’ll be sick of it, and wish that I didn’t ruin such a great song by listening to it too much. But I can’t help it right now…a strange addiction or obsession or compulsion or something. I’m weird.



i'm trying not to be's not even noon yet, and i'm getting nervous about gettin to wheaton on time, even though i have ample time...and tomorrow. tamar had the great idea of finding a coffee shop in the area so that just in case i'm early, i'll have somewhere to go and sit...

time with bro and his friends is always great...and i'm soo excited, cause next weekend, he and joel are playing at rocky's for 3 i'll get to see them:) it was even suggested that i play with them...but we'll see...i'm not sure i could handle that with the rest of my week...prolly better to just get to sit and watch them:):)

on a sad side...i said goodbye to brayson today...for five weeks. it was a sad moment, but i don't think he even realized it..which is actually a good thing. he got into dad's car and didnt' give any problems...i hope that he continues to be good for dad...and that he takes his medications and has fun with zeke...

that's just about it...

breath, breath:)


yes it's tru























in the next 48 hrs

in the next 48 hrs, i have to:

-bring brayson to the vet to get meds to stop him from scratching
-get front passenger side tire fixed so that it doesn't blow on the highway on the way out of WV
-finish packing-put things i still have been using the last few days into boxes
-clean my entire apartment
-go to the dog park one last time with a friend
-buy more bandaids for the huge blisters on my feet from two nights ago when i wore new heels to fallfest and walked a mile to and from the parkinglot--but they were adorable and it was completely worth it
-buy more garbage bags
-spend time with a few friends before i go
-bring extra clothes to goodwill
-pay sprint bill
-get u-haul truck
-pack u-haul truck
-buy pizza for friends who are helping me pack
-buy air mattresses so that me and pop have somewhere to sleep friday night
-drive to MI and unpack entire truck into bro's apartment/basement

what i'm loving:
-sleeping nights instead of working nights
-my dog...i'm going to MISS HIM SO
-Mushaboom by Fiest (Bright Eyes does their own version too, but i like Fiest better)
-playing with hot EMTs before i leave town
-sitting in my apartment...i do love it and will miss it so
-neosporin for my poor blistered feet
-time for sleep...yumm:)

sweet dreams:)


omg tired

ok, so, last midnight shift...and i'm not quite sure i'm gonna make it...last night i didn't get tired once, and tonight, i've been tired since before i got here. mostly the fault of my landlord who called me while i was sleeping at 1:00pm, stating that i had to call to change the utilities b/c he tried to and wasn't able to. so needless to say, i didn't go to sleep when i was done with that, cause it took about an hour and then my hot EMT friend came over to hang out, after which i did some more packing and went to Fallfest with a friend i won't see again for a long time. food at d.p.dough and more time with my former students...always good:) they're wonderful:)

work has come and involves just over 2.5 hours left. today, i'll get to go for dinner at the newly opened cheddars and sleep in my bed during SLEEP HOURS:) YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY:)

i was hoping that writing this would help keep me awake, but it seems to be putting me to sleep, i keep 'coming to' and having to retype cause i'm writing jiberish...haha no good:)


1 of 2 left and 2 of 3

so, it's my second to last night shift and my third to last Ruby Memorial Hospital...and while i'm kinda sad, i'm kinda not so sad...i look forward to sleeping at night...every night:)

i almost lost my dog on my way to work tonight, again. he's such a brat...squeezes his way through the door when i leave and jumps through the screen on the porch. but, this time, i got really smart. the reason he tries to leave isn't cause he wants to run away, but b/c he doesn't want me to leave without, i opened the car door, and turned on the car. after making one trip around my yard, i came back to find him cowering in the back seat...PERRFECT:) i'm brilliant. he was NOT happy to be brought back to the house, but too least i still have him:)

here are some fun pics i just had to share. some people crack me up:)
they're priceless:)



7 days

packing, working, sleeping, packing, breathing...

that's about all i'm up to and about all i have to say


our tax dollars to good use...or not at all

who knew...uh, we all did:
"On September, 22, 1999, the United States brought [a] massive lawsuit against nine cigarette manufacturers of cigarettes and two tobacco-related trade organizations. The Government alleged that Defendants have violated, and contiue to violate, the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act ("RICO"), 18 U.S.C. 1961-1968, by engaging in a lengthy, unlawful conspiracy to deceive the American public about the health effects of smoking and environmental tobacco smoke, the addictiveness of nicotine, the health benefits from low tar, "light" cigarettes, and their maniplation of the design and composition of cigarettes in order to sustain nicotine addiction. As Justic O'Connor noted in Food and Drug Administration, et al.v.Brown & Williamson Tobacco Corporation, et al., 529 U.S. 120, 125 (2000), "[t]his case involves one of the most troubling public health problems facing our nation today: the thousands of premature deaths that occur each year because of tobacco use."

"In particular, the Government has argued that, for approximately fifty years, the Defendants have falsely and fraudulently denied: (1) that smoking causes lung cancer and emphysema (also known as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease ("COPD")), as well as may other types of cancer; (2) that environmental tobacco smoke causes lung cancer and endangers the respiratory and auditory systems of children; (3) that nicotine is a highly addictive drug which they manipulated in order to sustain addiction; (4) that they marketed and promoted low tar/light cigarettes as less harmful when in fact they were not; (5) that they intentionally marketed to young people under the age of twenty-one and denied doing so; and (6) that they concealed evidence, destroyed documents, and abused the attorney-client privilege to prevent the public from knowing about the dangers of smoking and to protect the industry from adverse litigation results..." "

Punishment: (ruled by U.S. District Judge Gladys Kessler)
These companies must:
-no longer use deceptive brand descriptors which implicitly or explicitly convey to the smoker and potential smoker that they are less hazardous to health than full flavor cigarettes...
-use corrective statements in major newspapers, on the three leading tv networks, on cigarette "onserts," and in retail displays regarding the adverse health effects of smoking, the addictiveness of smoking and nicotine, the lack of any significant health benefit from smoking 'low tar' 'light' 'ultra light' 'mild' and 'natural' cigarettes, defendants' manipulation of cigarette design and composition to ensure optimum nicotine delivery and the adverse health effects of exposure to secondhand smoke.
-disclose their disaggregated marketing data to the Government in the same form and on same schedule which they now follow in disclosing this material to the Federal Trade Commitssion

These companies do NOT have to:
-pay [any] monetary penalties which would actually make a dent in their own financial situation, or contribute to the health and well-being of the general public (i.e. funding a large anti-smoking campaign) to make up for their lies

((NO MONETARY PENALTIES....did i miss something???))

What their lying has done:
-they have profitted from selling a highly addictive product
-they have caused diseases that lead to staggering numbers of deaths per year, an immeasurable amount of human suffering and economic loss, and a profound burden on the national health care system.

How it happened:
-despite the fact that Defendents have known of these facts for AT LEAST 50 YEARS OR MORE, they have consistently, repeatedly, and with enormous skill and sophistication, denied these facts
-they have also denied marketing and advertising their products to children under 18 to ensure an adequate supply of "replacement smokers"
-lawyers of the Defendents also have a 50+ year history of deceiving smokers, potential smokers, and the American public.

are we supposed to feel better about what U.S. District Judge Gladys Kessler has ruled here? cause i know i don' we know for SURE that cigarette companies have been lying and that cigarettes are bad for your shit sherlock--like we didn't already know that...

and all they have to do is publicly state..."yep we've been lying to you forever, but you already knew that, and you're still smoking, so keep buying cigarettes so that we keep making money. we certainly don't have to pay any in retribution for what we've done...PER-R-R-FECT, and Thanks so much.
oh by the way, come join us celebrate the verdict. can i get a light?"

this is sad. very sad.

all information posted taken from:


yes, i have too much time at work to be writing blogs every day...that's what you get with the 11p-7a shift i guess

so, while reading some articles from the American Counseling Association website, (, i came across an article titled Marriage Maintenance...and even though i'm no where near marriage, i always find 'relationship based' information interesting. now, while not every divorce is due to this statement, i do think it rings true more often than we want to admit...

"But I personally believe (the divorce rate) has to do with what I call the ‘fast food mentality' of our culture...It's that mentality that if you don't like what you have, then you just move on and get a new one instead of dealing with the challenges."

Then, as a SIDEBAR, Relationship danger zones are listed...pretty obvious, but i mention it b/c of the last one...
--The birth of the first child.
--Children becoming teenagers.
--A woman turning 30 or a man turning 40.
--The empty nest years.
and then
--Retirement. (i had to put this in here...) Young recounts what one woman told him about how difficult it was to suddenly have her husband home all day, every day. "I've been cooking his eggs for 30 years," she said, "and now he wants to tell me how to do it."

ok, so not all men are like that, but i can only imagine how many of them are. despite the "this is tough, i'll try something else" mentality we see so much these days, my hope is that the "less socially defined gender roles in relationships" of the 21st century hold stronger, and we won't be hearing those kind of comments when i'm in retirement...

my response to the husband... "make your own damn eggs"...


almost every time i say/write something, it changes

"never plan on anything until it actually happens"...this seems to deem true sooo often. i feel like the second i make arrangements for something, plan everything out, it changes, and i have to start all over again. so, perhaps i should proceed writing with caution, as the second i write it, it might no longer be true. needless to say, i can't wait til i finally have everything settled and i'm actually in my new job and apartment. until then, things are always subject to change, and change they did..

how so, you may ask? well, i'm not entirely sure how things will pan out, but i received a phone call this afternoon while sleeping, which stated that the packet from HR that i need to fill out before i can start training on Aug 28 can not be completed via fax, but needs to be done IN PERSON. well, already, getting to chicago by the 27th to start the 28th is quite a bit of work on quite short notice. to actually get there on the 25th is pushing it..and so, i will probably have to wait til the 11th of Sept to begin training, so that i have time to get everything done, AND head to HR before i start...urghghghghgghgh. hopefully things will be decided tomorrow, and i can actually PLAN on something.

side note: chocolate pudding, while not solving any problems, certainly makes dealing with all this craziness a little more, i didn't lick the container, though i thought about it...yum, yummm...


moving to do list

due to the rush of moving out of state (really only six days before originally planned) my mind is continuously filled with things i need to do before i leave. now that i'm working nights for the next 6 days, sleeping is a very important necessity, so i can't waste too much time trying to remember everything when i should be sleeping...cause, OMG, the headaches...

To Do List:
1. make sure i have enough boxes to fit all my stuff
2. decide how many of my possessions, which currently reside in a spacious 2 bedroom apartment, will actually fit in half the space...
3. after realizing my desk will not fit in new apartment, ask aaron if he wants it
4. call all utilities and give 'shut-off' date - gas, electric, water, cable, phone, trash
5. get the fork and knife that fell behind the stove 3 months ago...umm, yeah.
6. decide if i should finish all alcohol in my apartment or throw it out
7. take an afternoon/evening to drink all alcohol instead of throwing it all out
9. get address changed on all important continuing bills i.e. school loans, credit card, cell phone
10. stock up on dog food for pooch
11. love pooch as much as possible cause i'll be without him for 5 weeks...BOOOOOO
12. take a different afternoon to eat food in fridge i.e. pickles, and food in pantry i.e. canned/boxed goods
13. other...

anything i forgot? i'm sure i'll add to the list as i go. but i think that's a good start.

two weeks from today i'll have left west virginia...


i actually did it

turns out, i won't have to be as crazy as i said i would be...i won't have to move to the Windy City, to an apartment, without a job. yes, i have done it, i have found employment, and i start in two weeks. holy shit:)

as can be an expected result of such events, i have certainly experienced a wide array of emotions in the last few days. after having gone to Chicago for the interview, i wasn't having good feelings about it, namely due to a few issues that ended up being worked out with the offer of the position, but i was going back and forth between wanting the job, and hoping they didn't offer it to me, preparing myself to turn it down. probably a good place to be b/c i knew that i could take it or leave it, and i wasn't going to just take it because it was the only offer on the table at this present time. the thought of still having to look for a job, though taxing, and i'm exhausted from it, almost seemed a better option at the time than being placed in a situation, committing for a full year, to something that would not be a good situation. i thought, if i can't work toward some goal (i.e. working hard at paying off loans, working toward licensure) and not merely surviving, i'd rather hold out til something better came along. however, it turns out that i can receive supervision for licensure, and the salary wasn't so close to the poverty line as originally expected...also, other positives seemed to come out of the woodwork, and they seemed to outweigh the negatives. so, after 24 hours to 'make the decision', i called today to accept their offer. i did it, i found an apartment and employment in a city of my choice, CRAZY:):) (though i believe it's much more Providence than craziness, and i certainly don't take all credit for it:))

now, the emotions set in about what the next few weeks will bring. relief, sadness, apprehension, excitement...a rollercoaster, that's for sure. after i made the phone call excepting the job, i was kind of out of the reality of all of this set in...and it hasn't completely set in even yet. but i remember before i moved to morgantown, how it's such a strange feeling, like 'this is going to be my life' and now it has been 2 years here, and there have been so many things i've done i never thought i would do, things i thought would happen and didn't, and it has been my life, i've done it on my own, and been successful. so now i look ahead, knowing a days worth of my job, a small but fabulous area around my apartment, and have the same feeling...this is going to be my life, and i'm going to do it, b/c i know i can. (does this sound like i'm trying to convince myself...? haha...cause i think i am)

i'm soooo excited to be closer to my brother and some of my dearest friends. and while i'm sure life will be busy and i'll still not see them as much as i want to, the option is so much more available, and i'm totally stoked:)

on the flip side, there are people here that i will miss and am sad to say goodbye to. people who have made my experience here in morgantown , WV students and the lounge, my co-workers (Admissions, ED, PAU (and hot EMT/paramedics), and classmates (most of whom have moved away already), i truly have been blessed, and i will miss you...but now you all have a great place to do i :) so, thank you everyone who believed in me, who believed that 'everything will be ok' when i didn't, and who have wished the best for me. you have helped me make it this far, and i thank you.

ok, this sounds like a sappy, cliche'-filled speech if i've ever heard one, but it's tru.

so, that's an update on my current goings on. i can't believe i Don't have to fill out another online least not for a while...SAAWEEEEET.


what 24 hrs can do

going from not knowing how you're going to pay bills to knowing how you're going to pay bills is a crazy feeling...a weight lifted...or just a different weight, now i have to prepare for new employement. though i'm glad that i'm able to prepare for employment. 2.5 weeks ladies and gentlemen, 2.5 weeks. CRAZY:):):)



for those of you i've mentioned to about the small size of my new apartment in chicago (i found out today i've been approved, and so it's mine come October...yay)...i don't think you even realize extent of the small kitchen space....can you believe they call this a kitchen??

as a SIDE NOTE: i have THE cutest dog in the world...