a little bit all over the place.

so, i'm fully aware that i've been neglectful of my precious blog as of late...or as of the last 6 or so months. i've had so much going on that i really don't usually know where to start. the last few days on the ride home from work i finally had some clear thoughts as to what to write in a post or two, but i find that, just like the last few months, once i get home, all intelligent/comprehensive/interesting thoughts have completely vanished from my mind, and i sit and look at a blank screen not knowing where to even start. as is the same today. however, i have trudged onward and have been able to spew a few nonsensical words together to create what you are currently reading now. the honesty that is required in order to be truly relateable and interesting is not always something i feel i want to give. and in all truth, blogging is not the only thing that suffers at the end of my long days. i often have lofty desires to read books, research interesting events that have transpired over the day, listen to music i've heard on interesting radio stations, and learn the general knowledge that i seem to have missed in my 27 years of life. sometimes i feel that i have something good to contribute and other times i feel that i've been in a bubble of self analysis that has somehow exempt me from experiencing everyday things which everyone else and their mother's seem to have lived and seem to know about. and on those days, it seems much easier to post videos copied from two years ago, or go on and on about my dog, who, let's face it, really is only interesting to me and a few loyal friends of mine.

a conversation i shared with a recently new coworker has stuck with me the last few days. the discussion involved the need to 'wine and dine' the wealthy into donating money, in order to prove our need for finances to continue to provide our services. i understand that the company i work for is a business. it's a human services business. we're, (i'm) in a business which involves providing 'help' services to people who need them, whether they believe they need them or not (in some cases). i am fully aware that we need money in order to provide these services and that the state, as has been proven recently by our idiot governor, is screwed up, and doesn't pay my company enough for the services we provide. therefore, we need the assistance of wealthy donors to stay afloat. but what is the best way to get these wealthy donors to give us money? is it by showing them a good time, getting in on their levels and showing them success stories of what our services can do? is it necessary to spend lots of money to 'wine and dine', to 'wow' them, to seduce them, to reel them in...as if the pure difficulties our members face, the mere reality of discrimination and negative stigma, and lack of resources/support/assistance don't prove to be enough to show the need for financial support?

perhaps my naivete in regards to running a business proves the problem here. and perhaps my issues more stem from the fact that my coworker, who is in the development field and not the social work field, frustrates me in regards to his lack of empathy for and clear lack of understanding of the financial stress those who are Not in the development department are under when lay offs have started and it's unclear who else may be next. Can't some of the money used to impress and inspire potential donors be used to keep the jobs of those who need them and continue the services that they provide? maybe not, but i have to say, i have really become frustrated with ignorant people who have power/influence or even the opportunities to make so much positive difference, and get impressed by the wealthy while losing sight of the original cause, if there was sight of the original cause to begin with.

which gets me to our current political disaster which includes Illinois' Governor Rod Blagojevich. As i understand, he's been under investigation for over 2 years in regards to 'pay to play' politics, and has allegedly tried to sell the seat in the Senate previously held by Barack Obama, not to mention, he's accused of trying to illegally manipulate the selling of the Cubs as a bargaining tool to get rid of certain Editors in the Chicago Tribune. One commenter on NPR this morning joked that even a Hollywood movie writer probably wouldn't've put these circumstances/events together as a believable story-line. Funny thing is, the former governor George Ryan, Blagojevich's predecessor, was also convicted of corruption and is serving a 6.5 yr sentence for it right now. Gotta love politics these days. or gotta love Illinois/Chicago politics. Turns out Blagojevich's proposed budget completely ignores the hundreds of millions that Illinois is already in the hole and proposes spending amounts for 2009 to be billions of dollars more than the 2008 fiscal year. I have no idea where this money is coming from (things like leasing the Illinois Lottery???? and borrowing money by selling general obligation pension bonds???) Meanwhile, things like financing social service agencies including the one i work for (the state owes my company alone over $8 million), as well as funding the CTA (trains and buses) in order for the working class to be able to have reliable, efficient transportation in this city...have been completely forgotten about. to be fair, the rest of the government hasn't done much to help, though senior citizens and people with disabilities can now ride free, but fair hikes for the rest of us go into effect some time in early 09 and the parking meters that he has decided to lease out to private companies, will surely increase in costs just to park downtown (though that was a Mayor Daley decision). overall, i feel like we keep paying more and more and getting less and less. i know this isn't isolated to just Illinois, or just Chicago, but i Do know that if nothing else, the respect, security and confidence we hold in our leaders is dwindling by the minute.

just a few things i've been thinking about. i'll save love and loss for another day...

oh, but just to come full circle...here's a delightful pic of my dog's crap. yes, it happened again, and we all know that if i had tried on purpose, i never would've been able to do the same thing twice.