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11.07.2009's been a while.

so i have been on hiatus for longer than i thought i'd be...i've been through a lot, and haven't been very motivated to write, or inspired to share my thoughts. mostly because they've been depressing...a bad, difficult break up...and two grandparents have passed for which i've been very involved in...not in a killing sense, but in a support/assistance sense. ok, that still sounds bad. i was there for both my grandpa and grandma at the end of their lives, holding their hands, advocating with hospice/nursing home staff for the most possible comfort as they suffered and i was there during their last moments. it's heavy. it's hard. it's surreal to be placed so close to the reality of life and then death.

see, not very positive or uplifting. however, i wouldn't've traded it for anything, and i'm really so blessed to be there, both times. on a good note, 81 and 98 were their ages and they had overall good lives. the boyfriend on the other hand (make that EX boyfriend), well that's another story for another day...if you're lucky...

the inspiration for the post this saturday morning was actually due to the fact that i wanted to share that i picked up over 30 bottles/cans (and other various pieces of plastic garbage) from the pockets of grass on the street where i usually let brayson do his business...because the bottles and cans have been there for months and i finally couldn't take it anymore. i think the people walking by were amused or at least mildly worried about my sanity. either way, my street looks better than ever before...and i'll admit, i'm slightly motivated to look into volunteer opportunities to pick up other peoples' garbage and make this city look a little that weird?? i've realized lately that i haven't done volunteer work in years anyways, and that's really sad. some of my friends tutor kids every week and i all this past week i just sat on my ass and worked when i get home from work. my life, sans boyfriend who encouraged me to take time for myself (one of the few good things about him), is really rather boring and too filled with work. maybe volunteering will be good for me...hmmm

at least for now, until another weekend of people drinking-so-much-they-feel-the-need-to-use-their-alcoholic-containers-to-litter-all-over-the-street, i get a break from preventing brayson from stepping on broken or potentially broken glass and can let him poop in peace...


Blogger Kittie Howard said...

Condolences and hugs! You've been thru a rough patch, all normal, considering what's happened. You gave your grandparents so much love and care, you're a wonderful person. You just need time to rebuild your self care instincts. Good luck!

2:18 PM  

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