in all honesty...sometimes i'm tired.

is there such thing as someone who is both attainable and unattainable at the same time??..where that person is totally into you and yet still a challenge? i think, since the dawn of time, there's always been something attractive about the unattainable. the challenge, no worry of commitment, lack of self esteem to expect any better, whatever it may be. and while i probably have all of those components when it comes to men, it's really frustrating sometimes when the completely unattainable guys are always the ones i find myself attracted to. unattainable by having a girlfriend, or by being mysterious, by sometimes being really nice and other times blowing you off completely.

in all honesty, sometimes i'm tired. tired of the questions about who i must be dating and the repeated responses that i like being on my own, or that i can't imagine my life differently right now, or that 'the timing just hasn't been right' or 'don't worry, i know it will happen when i'm not looking for it and i least expect it' or 'i'm working on me right now', the sympathetic (however well intentioned) glances or sighs or smiles. the awkward feeling of being third or fifth wheel, or being so excited about friends' progressions in their relationships when i have nothing to offer the conversation. sometimes i'm tired of the freedom to do whatever i want because it also means that no one else really cares about what i do. and yet the possibilities i find myself interested in, for whatever reason, would never happen.

and trust me, i don't write this for sympathy. i write it because sometimes, not always trust me, but sometimes i'm tired of saying it's all going to be ok..that's all.