back to the real world

a little paranoia set in yesterday when my eyes were still a little 'messy' yesterday morning, and i decided not to infect everyone that i served at the restaurant. "Here's your order of over easy eggs, bacon, homefries, oh, and an added possibility of being sick and gross during the holidays. enjoy your meal!!!"

So, i stayed home. AGain. for the 4th day in a row. maybe i was being drastic, but i didn't want to take chances. I did, however, enjoy a 2.5 mile walk in blistering weather by the water. which might be dumb for the health, but much needed for the spirit that was going crazy in my apartment. Brayson liked it too. Today i was at work. the first day i've worn makeup in what has seemed like forever, and while i don't like wearing glasses to the restaurant cause they kind of 'get in the way', everything went well...besides the whole not making any money and wanting to quit part!!

the walk yesterday was good. i did some serious sole -searching...looking at a year being over and looking at what i have to show for it...a bit of pre-new year's thinking. i can't believe i've been here for a year and a half...and that this place is really becoming home. i've had good things happen this year...i've met new people, i've started a different position at work, i've bought a car...and still so many things i want to do here. A friend told my mom last week while she was here for the weekend that being in Chicago is addicting...in her response to the thought of leaving. i understand the sentiment, because even though i may have experienced a lot already, there's Always another reason to stay...another 'something' to go to or experience. and so much that i haven't seen of chicago yet. I do feel that even though it's been a good year, i could have done more...and with some honest pondering, i realize that i am afraid. i am strong in some ways, but fear keeps me back from some things ...like joining a community soft ball team cause i don't know anyone else playing. i don't want to look back on my time here someday, wishing i had just had a little more courage so i could have Really experienced this place. though i do have to say that sometimes i don't do these things because i work two jobs and sometimes i'm tired, or i'm in Grand Rapids watching my brother's band...(who are playing at Intersection NEW YEAR"S EVE, tickets are on sale now...however...my pre-New Year's resolution...is to not let my own personal issues hold me back. there's NO reason for it. and as i don't believe in New Year's resolutions, i feel this is fitting because it happened just shy of two weeks early!!

Other things i want to do in Chicago:
1. get involved in the music scene...for real
2.go to more films...i've been all about documentaries lately...i'm hoping to go to Helvetica tomorrow...even if my friend Rachel can't make it:)
3.expand my weekend activities
4.join a sports group...softball, tennis, volleyball, kickball...whatever it may be. Beach volleyball through the church was great this summer...but i can do more.
5.foster and grow some good friendships i already have
6.go on a freakin date or two...;)
6.5. follow politics and world events more closely and be able to have good conversations about them...and vote intelligently for the 2008 election.
7.do a pottery class...ok, not to be so cliche, but i really would like to make something cool on a pottery wheel
8.expand my knowledge and skill in the realm of food...Yes Bex...i want to learn to cook, rn't u proud of me??...at least something new so that i stop eating mac and cheese so damn much...) (ooh, i've been afraid to tell you, it's gotten worse, last time i was at Aldi i bought Ramen Noodles...eeek there were 20 for like TWO damn DOllars!!)
9.get my finances in order, and learn more so that i am smart and wise with my money.
10.get married, have 1.5 kids and live happily ever after...oh wait, i don't want to do that

i thought about posting this, and i figured, even though some of it might be hard to say, it's out there, and i can be held accountable. these are things i want. so i'm gonna go for it. next year i can look back and see how things went (not that i expect to complete all of these things in 12 months of course), and figure out where to go from there.

so let's get to it...