reality check

so. it turns out i'm not a superhero. turns out i'm not invincible and that i too have my limits. i like to think that i can just pile on thing after thing, work load after work load, event after event, and i'll just keep truckin...however. this is not the case. my body is yelling at me to stop and chill the 'F' out already.

i also thought i had a pretty effective way of coping with stress and adversity. turns out that's not true either. turns out the stress i put myself through, or that i find myself experiencing...or...or...doesn't like me either, and has become a co-conspirator with my body...working hard against me.

the problem is. not being able to keep going and working hard like i always do puts me behind, which adds more stress, which adds more physical problems and issues to deal with, and it's just this crazy cycle that seems to never stop.

i need to learn to practice what i preach to my clients. take one day at a time. i have to learn to not sweat the little stuff and to enjoy the good stuff. i need to stop losing sleep and precious relaxation time with lists and more lists of things that need to get done at work. i need to leave work at work, and let relaxing be relaxing. i Have to. cause my body has already told me that if i don't, things won't get better. and they Have to get better.

so. even though i think i have ways to de-stress, i have to find new, more effective ways. do i need to take a kick-boxing class? do i need to journal more? do i need to jump out of an airplane with a parachute for some serious cathartic release?? probably...but i don't think i'm going to in the near future. i need to learn how to turn my brain off sometimes, to remember that the best i can give Has to be good enough and to let the rest go.

oh so hard to do...oh so hard to do.

too bad my physical and mental sanity is hanging by the thread of my stress-coping abilities. this is all a little scary...and stressful...