childhood lessons

many people learn a valuable lesson when they are very young...regarding not touching hot stoves. we learned this probably because we touched a hot stove once, it hurt like hell, we got burned, and we had the common sense to remember to stay away next time and be careful.

some people learn similar lessons in life, learn from experiences and move on making changes the next time placed in a similar situation.

somehow, however, i'm ' ' this close to being exactly in the same place as i was almost a year ago...burned and feeling foolish. why is it that certain people have the ability to throw all your reason out the window? and i know that within weeks, i'll be that same burned fool because i see it before me and i have done nothing to stop it, nor do i think i want to or plan to. i won't stay away from that hot stove.

call it eternal optimism, call it 'giving it a chance', call it desperate, call it whatever it seems most likely to be...

for the record. i didn't seek this out, it just happened...again.

i'm better than this. and i deserve better than this.

and yet...so it goes.


"And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well are you a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg?"
- Frightened Rabbit (The Midnight Organ Fight)

turns out i just might be that masochist...falling just short of the actual love thing.