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3.27.2006 completely freaking out below

crazy = doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

this statement has been on my mind a lot lately. and while a different version of this has been on my mind in the this may be somewhat of a repeat post...the obsession of overanalyzing my own behavior rears it's ugly head yet again, and here we are.

i find myself almost paralyzed...stuck between needing to leave this town and a fierce apprehension about leaving and all that leaving entails: finding a job, an apartment, and doing it completely on my own (no boyfriend to hold my hand this time). so far, my apprehension has gotten the best of me, and i've been too overwhelmed to know where to begin. and yet, nothing that needs to get done will do itself. doing nothing-worrying and wondering, over and over again, gets nothing accomplished. i have started, i've perused employment websites and a few hospitals, along with a few apartment photos...but i've mostly convinced myself that i don't have to really start quite yet. however, the longer i wait, the worse it gets, and the more stressed out i feel. and yes, i started having headaches

so, i'll start with a list of things that need to get done so that i can leave:
1) begin, work on, and finish licensure application for class (a large ordeal)
2) study for the national counseling exam april 22 (which, by the way, just might kick my ass)
3) finish resume
4) look, apply, interview for and find employment
5) look, apply for and find apartment
6) save money so that i can afford to move out of motown in July

yep, that about covers the bigger and more stressful things that need to be completed, not to mention finish up my internship, complete a few more outings for my commuter students (without yelling at my boss for treating me like i'm 4 years old), buy a cap and gown for graduation...etc. the list goes on forever. NOTE: blog posting did not make it on the 'list of things to do' and so should probably not be taking so much of my time. however, perhaps i should add

7) maintain sanity

and then i'll have an excuse to continue this post.

ok...i know that if i take 'a day at a time' like i've been preaching all semester, i'll be able to accomplish all of these things. but right now it seems too big a mountain to climb over and i'm not quite sure i can do it. i feel that at any given time, i should be doing 8 different things and i can't decide which one to start with. i should have started all of this a month ago.

in retrospect, i should have, but for now, there's no better time to get at it than right now. and so, in attempt to keep from becoming completely crazy...i will go and get some things done.


Blogger swtpmarie said...

You can have my resume if you really want it. :) I know it seems like this HUGE gift...and it is, but really, you can have it.

I wish I was closer so we could have a beer together and brainstorm. You can do it! I know you can!

8:48 PM  

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