uh...

it's sunday night, 10:30pm...too late for me, but i just haven't gone to bed yet. prolly because i don't want the next thing for me to do is wake up to tomorrow. the weekend was good but too short. and i just worked an 8 hour shift at the restaurant and made 45 bucks. need i say more?

yeah, i got nothin...

life may have taken a few gulps..

so, i usually consider myself a 'glass half full' type of person. unless we're talking about relationships or the world ever achieving world piece...but never the less, i usually have a positive feel about things and have hope that things can be better. i know that part of that reason is because i have been very blessed in my life, and while nothing is ever perfect, and i've had my share of struggles, the good has always outweighed the bad.

this weekend and today...i feel like the world is a lot less progressed than thought, or at best, hoped. we think that there have been many advances in science/technology/ race and gender relations...and then you experience pure ignorance and things become a bit disheartening.

Example 1: this weekend at the restaurant, two elderly women pulled me aside while i was walking to one of my own tables. i've seen them in before, and i've probably waited on them once or twice. one of the women pulled me in close and asked who her server was going to be. i thought that she was tired of waiting and was ready to order. so i started to let her know that i'd let her server know that she was needed and she'd be over shortly. i realized that i wasn't giving her the answer she wanted. i told her that it was the 'woman behind her at the counter'. she said she couldn't see her and struggled to twist her head around. she then asked if she could move to another section so that she could have 'that' waitress. 'that' waitress was white. her first waitress wasn't. i wanted to tell her to stuff it up her ass and not let the door hit her and her white old lady friend on the way out. but i didn't. i found another table. Not in my section..and said they could move. i even had to help her get up out of the booth. we've had people in there tip poorly because of black waitresses, but i haven't seen something this blatently horrible. and i know...they say ...'they grew up in a different time' as if that's supposed to make anyone feel better about it. i know i have the 'white privilege' and don't experience racism like that all the time...but holy shit. i was furious. and what can you do?

Example 2: at my monday-friday job, i have a client who has been in a psychiatric unit for the last week. the hospital is in a bad neighborhood and when i went to visit him last week, and he asked me if i knew whether his sister was going to visit him, i had to lie and say 'i'm not sure, she Was wondering how you're doing though'. truth is, she makes up excuses why she can't visit him and blames her husband for not wanting to go into 'that neighborhood'...as if stopping a car in a neighborhood of primarily black people inevitably means that he's going to get mugged or shot. today, i got in a huge argument because her brother was being discharged in the late afternoon, which means we can't take him home, and she said she couldn't do it either. she flat out said. i don't know what else to tell you, but i cna't do it. as if it's now my problem to help HER BROTHER home. we got into somewhat of a power struggle, she was snotty, rude to my staff and outright REFUSED to take any responsibility for her brother's situation. the kicker is, she yells at us when he doesn't answer the door and so doesn't get his meds, and talks about how much she cares for him all the time. um...buying someone groceries once a week and yelling at Thresholds staff doesn't make up for not caring. and it's not like she even lives in a 'safe' neighborhood. it's all just so sad. And...her refusing to help her brother Does put the responsibility back on us. we ended up advocating for the member to get a cab ride home. oh yeah, that feels good, to leave the hospital by yourself and go home to an emty apartment. i was FURIOUS. and trying to remain professional as much as possible, was the hard part. i've done nothing but try to work with her in the past. but i'm realizing you can't get blood from a heart of stone, and there's really just no point.

it's bullshit. all of it. we commend ourselves for being so much more welcoming and more tolerant/accepting. uh...not today, and not this weekend, and not ever day when this crap keeps going on.

in looking forward...i guess we do have to keep going. keep hoping that the world can get better and keep seeing the glass as half full, even if there's only a quarter left.

Satur-day that became late afternoon...

Do you ever feel like you’re in a mood of being profound but haven’t been enlightened by anything profound yet? That’s kind of where I am today. It’s weird. I feel like I’m pensive but when I go over what I’ve been thinking about, it’s nothing earth shattering or significant at all. Oh well.

I’m sitting at Buckingham Fountain, the big fountain downtown Chicago. i came here to try to get some paperwork done...i wasn't in the mood to sit in my apartment on Saturday afternoon as there aren't going to be many nice days left before cold weather takes over and we all hibernate. The bus ride over here was interesting. I got on and it was literally packed to the brim. I stood in front of a guy who was almost falling out of the door next to the bus driver. Tourists were asking her questions about how to get to Navy Pier and other places. Is it lame that I like it that I live in a place that people make special plans to visit? It’s a little chilly and at the other edge of the bench on which I am currently sitting is a homeless man. We’re both enjoying people watching, and he’s drying out/airing out his shoes with newspapers which are stuffed inside of them. He nearly coughed up half a lung a few minutes ago and I was seriously concerned for him. It’s always cool here cause there’s almost always guaranteed a wedding party or two out for pictures. It’s getting chilly though and wouldn’t want to be out w/o my hoodie. I can see the lake from here, and it’s a fierce blue like no other…

Well, I’ve now tried getting internet access at Millenium Park….same area as the big fountain but a little further north on the map. There are wireless connections available, but as I’m not a computer genius from the Geek Squad…or anything remotely close to one, I can’t figure out how to get to the internet. It says I’ve joined the network and that the signal is excellent, but the network address is still being ‘aquired’. I don’t know. Anyways, I’ll be heading home soon. Time to meet up with some people for a drink and then a play at the theatre. no idea what the play is, just that there's someone from the church group in it. There are cops to my right with two young teenagers sitting on a bench. A cop car just got here with its lights on and an officer has now joined the other cops and the millennium park security. Not sure what they did…but I’m trying not to be nosey…. One of the kids was just hand cuffed. You never know what you’re gonna see here in the Windy City...

Wrigley Fountain is where I’ve been able to get to the internet, but it’s so slow that I don’t think it’s worth it. Which is sad cause I’d love to be able to come here and enjoy being outside and still get work done…oh well, what’s a girl to do??

looks like i didn't get Any work done.

So, before I start rambling and becoming super boring…if I haven’t reached that time already…I’ll end this post. Later beeoches.

jumping in...head first...

so.
i did it.
I've been meaning to do this for months...so finally...
i colored my hair.
Well, actually a stylist did, but i got it done.


uh...i don't know yet. i'm glad i did it, but it's too red. i'm going back thursday to have her get rid of some of the red...

so...


It's Different!!!

today.

so, today, i went to work (the restaurant), and on my way into work, i noticed a 20 dollar bill in the atm in the main doorway. No once claimed to have just used the machine, so the 20 bucks are mine...haha...

work is insane, like usual, only worse. but i have decided, i'll do my best not to complain about it anymore b/c i think i've complained about that job since i started working there, and for the love, if i'm not going to quit the job, then i need to shut up about it. well, kind of. reason for hating the place today: cockroaches climbing on the walls and shelves. i'm sorry that's just disgusting. when i tell management, he says in his broken english, 'yeah'. i have to say the word 'exterminator' to even get past to him that these NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF RIGHT NOW, OMG. and he says 'oh yeah, wednesday, he's coming wednesday.' we had a customer see one and get up and leave. i don't blame him.

they also screwed up my schedule this weekend AGAIN. they did this to me countless times last month, so i gave them a schedule for me to remind them and have it planned out when i can and can not work. we were good for two weeks, and then this week again...so they'll be short tomorrow, but i don't care, i'm not going in.

anyways, onto other things.

it's amazing sometimes the things that can happen in a weeks' time. somtimes it seems like everything is up in the air and then by the next week, things are back to normal again. strange. and no, i'm not talking about boys...ok, maybe i am. haha. i seriously have THE worst luck/judgment/luck...and have to stop the never ending cycle and the pit-in-my-stomach knowledge that it's all happening Again.

so, in honor of stopping the cycle...or at least making some changes...i'm getting my hair cut and dyed this afternoon. brown. i'm going brown. like jessica simpson or mandy moore. maybe i'll feel different and everything magically will fall into place in my life. i can feel it...i'm on the brink of greatness...

oh. and i'm IN LOVE with this movie. everyone has to see it. NOW. the soundtrack is just as amazing. Must Get Now. steal it, burn it, or buy it...but get it.

going stag...

so, i recently was invited to a bachelorette party and wedding...and it was a blast. the bride and groom i met separately at beach volleyball, two separate weeks. THey travel for work a lot, and even though i didn't know they were together til their wedding, i knew when i met them both that they are solid, wonderful people. She and i hit it off right away and have been hanging out ever since. the tuesday after the bachelorette party and before the wedding she invited me to the her special day. The bachelorette party included dinner and dancing--bars in chitown are open til 4am and we were essentially kicked out of the club. but for the wedding, i had to find something to wear in 3 days to a 'black-tie-optional' event. and while my friends from Grand rapids offered the suggestion of wearing a black tie, i figured i had to do something a little better than that. now, i don't have a picture of me in my dress and hot shoes from the wedding, and even though i'm a dork, i'm not going to post pics that i sent my sister and mom to help me decide what to wear, pictures that were taken by yours truly in my own apartment. either way, these are a few pics i took before my batteries died and my camera didn't work anymore. what's the use of having the camera if the batteries die...boooo...

yay, the happy couple!!!

these are four of the 5 non-wedding-party people that i knew at the reception. the camera died during the pic of the 5th and her husband. she's awesome too, tho. they were loads of fun and great dancers...
always good with an open bar!!! and oh, the guy in the background is videotaping the reception...it looks like he's looking through a telescope or something, but he walked around with a tripod on wheels the whole night. all the guys with cameras had long ponytails and kind of creaped us out...
i don't know what i was saying, but i think something about making sure my eyes were open for this one...

chicago weddings are fun!!

oh, and i found out that the church in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is this church, the one i attend on a semi-regular basis... how cool is that!!

last time...this time

so, last time i did laundry, i put it in the machine, set it on cold and 'perm press', pushed in my quarters and went to go buy some groceries. i came back later to place my clothes in the dryer, only to find my clothes still dry in the machine (though covered in detergent), the wash cycle over and someone ELSE's clothes in the dryer...which was in the beginning of dry cycle. little bastard in my building stole my wash and then put my clothes back in the machine. not that i'm saying it was the same person that stole my mail, but seriously, these are new levels of low that i was not expecting.

this time, i'm making sure to be on top of my laundry to make sure that no one does this again. holy crap...people.