reality check

so. it turns out i'm not a superhero. turns out i'm not invincible and that i too have my limits. i like to think that i can just pile on thing after thing, work load after work load, event after event, and i'll just keep truckin...however. this is not the case. my body is yelling at me to stop and chill the 'F' out already.

i also thought i had a pretty effective way of coping with stress and adversity. turns out that's not true either. turns out the stress i put myself through, or that i find myself experiencing...or...or...doesn't like me either, and has become a co-conspirator with my body...working hard against me.

the problem is. not being able to keep going and working hard like i always do puts me behind, which adds more stress, which adds more physical problems and issues to deal with, and it's just this crazy cycle that seems to never stop.

i need to learn to practice what i preach to my clients. take one day at a time. i have to learn to not sweat the little stuff and to enjoy the good stuff. i need to stop losing sleep and precious relaxation time with lists and more lists of things that need to get done at work. i need to leave work at work, and let relaxing be relaxing. i Have to. cause my body has already told me that if i don't, things won't get better. and they Have to get better.

so. even though i think i have ways to de-stress, i have to find new, more effective ways. do i need to take a kick-boxing class? do i need to journal more? do i need to jump out of an airplane with a parachute for some serious cathartic release?? probably...but i don't think i'm going to in the near future. i need to learn how to turn my brain off sometimes, to remember that the best i can give Has to be good enough and to let the rest go.

oh so hard to do...oh so hard to do.

too bad my physical and mental sanity is hanging by the thread of my stress-coping abilities. this is all a little scary...and stressful...

the end of another season...

so, strangely, i seem to have internet sometimes again. which is good and i'm not complaining. but if any site takes a few minutes to load, i'm screwed and can't do it, as the connection isn't good most of the time. i have, however, been able to check the weather online two mornings in a row now...it's so exciting.

i'm actually home from work early today...and unfortunate and frustrating physical thing but i'm hoping to be on the mend shortly. meanwhile, as i'm trying to keep my mind of some of the pain...i figured i'd take advantage of this internet and post a few pics from my trip to Iowa. Now, if you have an account on facebook, these will not be new, at least some of them won't. but for those who might be interested...here goes.

ok, scratch that, it takes like 20 min to upload one photo..it'll have to be another time. in the mean time, being home at this hour in a quiet apartment allows for some reflection, some reading and a realization that there's a really annoying dog down the hall that won't stop chirping his little bark at being alone in his apartment and therefore being mad a the world. urgh.

i'm sad i'm sick though cause i have to miss the last Movie in the Park downtown, as the summer is closing and Grease, the finale, is to be underway in a few short hours. i only made it to about three of the movies this summer. and i lament missing Grease. Last year's finale was the Sound of Music and it was great...i'm sure tonight there will be no shortage of crowd involvement and sing-a-longs for every song, including dancing around and saying all the lines word-for-word.
i can see john travolta now...

Well this car is systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic
Why, it could be Greased Lightnin'!
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah
Keep talkin', whoah keep talkin'!
Fuel injection cut off and chrome plated rods, oh yeah
I'll get her ready, I need to get her ready!
With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waitin' at the door
You know that ain't shit when we'll be gettin' lots of tit
Greased Lightnin'
Go, Greased Lightnin'
You're burnin' up the quarter mile
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'
Go Greased Lightnin'
You're coasting through the heat lap trails
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'
You are supreme
The chicks'll cream
For Greased Lightnin'
Go go go go go go go go

ahh..good times.

damn that dog is annoying..

i'm out..

i'm in love!!

ok, so i never really have enjoyed Comic's that are turned into movies, or anything like them. i've never liked spiderman, superman, or batman. i've seen some of the movies, and missed most of the rest. i've enjoyed Val Kilmer and George Clooney as Batman, but don't remember anything of the movies themselves. Christian Bale is hot and so i watched the last Batman movie Batman Begins, but honestly didn't enjoy it at all. So when i heard there were tickets to Dark Night i decided i'd go, mostly because of Heath Ledger. i got to see it at the Imax at Navy Pier and OMG...this movie is Freakin-fantastic. seeing it in that theatre, and seriously, the plot i thought was clever, Heath Ledger is stunningly amazing, and i like Maggie Gyllenhaal Soooooo much better than Katie Holmes, which i thought was Horrible in the last film. the Entire movie is Chicago...it's crazy. the whole time i recognize buildings, streets, skylines. it's awesome. every time they're driving it's on streets i know and at one point there's stand still traffic right on Wacker Dr and the canal...it's amazing.

now i hope this overdone enthusiasm doesn't ruin the movie for anyone else. most of the time when i'm expecting fireworks from a film, i'm disappointed, but seriously, it's a great film and it being in Chicago is just icing on the cake. though i have to say Heath Ledger makes the film. it's great!! go see it!!

this trailor doesn't do it justice...

who ever says having a dog isn't like having a kid...they're wrong...

i find it weird to decide what to write about when i'm not sure when i can post again...i have to make it good cause it's gonna last...lol....i'm so weird! oh, and no promises here that this will be good...

anyways, i figured i'd update the web on what i've been telling everyone else about lately...my dog. turns out, dog's eating tuna salad sandwiches from subway isn't very good for their stomachs, or for their owner's hardwood floors, or carpets, or their sleeping patterns. it's not good for digestion, for stomach pain, or for general sanity.

yes, i finally gave in and bought a foot long sub instead of just a 6 inch (which really is only like 4 inches these days) for $5 and i figured i'd eat the second half of the sandwich on the second day. the problem with that of course, is remembering to bring the sandwich with me to work, instead of taking it out of the fridge and leaving it on the kitchen counter. 5 minutes later on the way to work, i remembered the sandwich, and knew that it had already been eaten. and true to Brayson form, i returned home at the end of the day to have the plastic and paper wrapper in pieces all over my apartment floor, and there was nothing even remotely resembling a sandwich left. at first, no bad signs of strangeness coming out the other end of him, but two days later, another story began. one day i came home to (without getting too nasty) both diarrhea and vomit all over the apartment. the unfortunate thing was that he had also vomited on his bed, which had slid under My bed, and i didn't find it until 45 minutes later, when i thought i had everything cleaned up but couldn't get rid of the horrible smell. once it was found, the bed was thrown away...no use in trying to clean it. i was hoping the worst was over, but it wasn't. the next night, he woke me up at 3:45am with a few barks, a clear plea to take him outside. (unfortunately i hadn't woken up from his repeated panting, and he had already pooped in the apartment, thank goodness he barked to wake me up..or else...) so at 4am i cooked ground beef, mixed it with cottage cheese and gave it to him, hoping it would help sooth his stomach. unfortunately it didn't kick in right away, and he woke me up again at 6 and then 7:30 on a morning that was the first in a few weeks that i was supposed to be able to sleep in...soooo annoying. that was the worst of it though, and it seems that after a few more servings of beef/cottage cheese, his stomach has finally settled down.

today, however, we came in after a short walk and i realized that he had been licking his front paw for about 5 minutes. he sometimes does that a bit to 'clean' himself after peeing on a leg or something, but this was unusually long. turns out, he broke the nail that is up on the side of his leg and it was bleeding. i didnt' see him do anything that could have resulted in it breaking, but i know it really hurts him. i currently have it wrapped in make-shift-getto bandages, a little toilet paper wrapped in tape...and he looks funny. he also hates me for putting it on him, and for about a half hour, literally sat with his back to me, sometimes turning his head to glare at me...then he'd walk around, awkwardly pawing the air to figure out how to get it off...he's truly priceless!!

oh Brayson, oh Brayson, what Would i do without you?:)

he hates me sooo much right now...lol

bare necessities

so. i got rid of my internet when i moved into my new apartment because i was able to connect to someone else's wireless internet service. that service is no longer available and i feel like i'm living with out electricity. is it tru that things like the internet and our cell phones have become as necessary to our wellbeing and sanity as having electricity and running water? i got rid of the internet to save some money, and i'd really like to think that i can live without it. but it's so much harder than i thought it would be. i feel so disconnected from society when i can't check my email 8 times a day, or write a post whenever i want, or check out a location of a local bar or grocery store quick before i leave, or do my billing online without having to frequent a local coffee shop. i don't drink coffee and so i really have no need to go all the time except for the internet. the independent coffee shop i like to go to takes about 15 min to walk to, and though that's not that bad, after a long day of work, i don't always want to go... plus, if i have to buy a beverage every time i go, i'm not really saving money that could go toward's consistent and reliable internet service that i can get from my own apartment. unfortunately, to get internet you have to get internet either with a phone line or with cable and i don't want either one. getting internet on it's own costs almost the same as getting both cable and internet, which is what i just had and got rid of. what to do what to do.

is the internet the new electricity? can we live in this world without it?? i'm kind of realizing that it's near impossible.

oh and on another note...the gymnastics finals in the Olympics are amazing and so exciting to watch...i'm so excited to see the women's finals tonight. though it was rough for the men last night...so many falls and possible injuries...frustrating for everyone who's worked soo hard and could probably do their routines in their sleep. I guess that separates the good from the great by those who can handle the pressure and those who just can't. great stuff!!!

i survived Iowa!!

over all, i haven't even begun to process the trip to Iowa to help rebuild a few houses that were effected by the floods in early June...here are a few You Tube clips to help fill you in. they (whoever They is) predicted that waters would rise 25 feet above normal river level...it rose 32 feet above, a whole 7 feet more than they had prepared for. that's almost another floor in anyone's house.






on this second clip, the bridge the car is driving on is the top of a double bridge. the one underneath it was covered, and the white building was on an island which has been completely covered with water. there are small ripples in the water (it's moving a bit fast and somewhat hard to see) but they were the hand rails from other bridges that people usually drive on all the time. The one bridge with the train on it, they had filled the train with rocks to try to hold the bridge from collapsing from the water current. soon after it fell as well.

these videos don't do this justice though. one good thing is that the town is hilly and so not everyone was effected, (and it wasn't as bad as New Orleans as the water decreased after a few days)and it also makes some things look like the flood wasn't that bad. however, the Czech part of town, which is mostly of low-income people, wasn't in these videos, and it was hit the hardest. there were water lines we could see which varied from a few feet up a wall to 12-15 feet up the side of houses. in both cases, water was in all the basement and completely destroyed everything on the first floor. also, as the one video showed there were a few chemical plants that were flooded, and so, along with a sewage system that was destroyed, people not only had to clean up human waste, but also chemical waste was all through their homes.

i'll write more later, but my computer is running out of battery and i'm in a coffee shop without my power chord.