PAY ATTENTION WHEN YOU DRIVE...OR ELSE...

this is what happens.
the reflection of light on the car makes it hard to tell what's been screwed up in my pics, but to be sures, it's the ENTIRE length of my car...even the handle of my driver side door is half way gone...



there are no words to describe how angry i am at myself. how overwhelmed i am with expenses to get this fixed, and how freaking pissed off i am at myself. oh i said that already. you know, this happened to me about 4 months ago, same road, same damn median, and i got really lucky cause the only damage was what you can see in the blue box in the first picture. it cost me $493 to fix, plus four days of renting a car. my deductible is a grand...mostly cause i NEVER got into an accident nearly this large before, EVER, and i figured i'd never use it anyways. i had to pay everything last time out of pocket, and this time...the damage is 300 fold, so i can only imagine my deductible will be a small portion of the cost. i might as well take a months salary in dollar bills and throw them into Lake Michigan. suck a freakin waste of hard earned money. and you know, i thought that i was starting to get back on track of keeping work off my mind and focusing on what was a hand. i took a personal day last week, i had a good work evaluation where my superiors gave me positive feedback and motivation to relax and take one day at a time and not be so damn stressed out.

what happened was, i had to drive north on lake shore drive to pick up a projector for a big meeting we were having this afternoon. so, i drove there, picked up the machine and was back on my way to work when it happened. i was remembering how the same road, the same travel north had resulted in the last accident and how lucky i had been that only a small portion of the car was wrecked and that, ultimately, i didn't die, or hurt anyone else, or anything. i lamented the financial setback but was confident that i was back on track and working toward paying off my loans again. and within 30 minutes, worse damage had been done, and still, though i'm glad i'm not dead or that no one else was hurt, i came back to the office and scared everyone as i blurted out in between frustrated and angry sobs that, no, i was not dying or that the world was not ending, but in fact i had merely ruined the entire side of my precious car. i was also a little traumatized at the fact that i had been going over 60 mph and could have been seriously hurt.

i guess my somewhat normalizing social life is to be put on hold once again while i work more hours to pay for the craziness that i have found myself in again. and as my overanalyzing mind never stops, i've been thinking all afternoon about why this happened. is it self-sabatoge? is it really just too much stress or is it just one of those things that just happens and i should shut up and be glad that it's not worse than it is?

who knows...

ps. donations are now being accepted, and of course, are greatly appreciated...::winks::