the little things in life

things in Chicago Illinois are going well...i don't really have much to talk about, except that i kind of wanted to add a post after the last one which is a little of a downer.

i'm going to the symphony tomorrow, and i'm quite excited about it. i found tickets for 20 bucks and decided to go, even if i'll have no one chat with during the intermission...restroom lines are always forever long anyways...so that will take 10-15 mins of stretch-time perfectly. there is a pianist and he's going to play a few mozart and brahms sonatas, as well as something by Komarova who i've never heard of before but i'm sure it will be great...

other than that, after an eventful evening last night with friends at a fun new restaurant, i decided to take this afternoon and evening to clean, do bills and purchase a much needed duvet for my bed over the internet. it's about 3 yrs over due, so within 2/3 business days (i'm keeping my fingers crossed), my bedroom will look a little more put together and the feathers of the comforter will be equally distributed. my old comforter wasn't sectioned off and so all the feathers have moved over to the edges of the duvet that hang over the side of the bed. i don't know about you, but feathers that don't cover you at all don't seem able to be very effective. so this should be a new experience:) and i'm excited. and while i'm not usually into making large purchases without seeing it, touching it, smelling it, tasting...oh wait...um...i figured it was worth the shipping and handling to have a large package arrive at my door instead of having to lose my beloved parking spot, drive to the suburbs and get it in person. the only other items i've actually purchased through the internet were two tanktops from Old Navy 2 years ago because i had already tried them on in the store and just decided to buy two more of them. we'll see how this goes. maybe i should've read the 'terms and conditions and return policies' section of the payment process instead of just clicking "yes, i agree with these terms and conditions and return policies" and going on to the next step. oh well...time will tell...

oh, and P.S. my dog is sleeping with his head tilted off his cushion and his ear is standing straight up on it's own...too precious:)

freud who?

so i often dream about things that are on my mind. i know, i know...that's not really rocket science, but it's true...sometimes dreams have nothing to do with anything, like the time i drempt that i was shot in the knee by a guy who i was trying to hide from behind the sofa. i saw the bullets in my knee, but i didn't bleed...which i've heard is common (people don't see blood in their dreams...but that's a conversation starter for another day)...

when i moved to west virginia i tried to figure out how to keep my dog in his crate when i left for class. no matter what kind of gadgets i used to keep the dog inside the crate, i would return home with a mutilated crate and a dog that met me at the door. i started having dreams that he was on a big ship that was capsizing and i was constantly trying to save him before it over turned completely. sometimes i was on the shoreline trying to get back on the boat before he went under, and sometimes i was on the boat trying to grab him even though he was constantly just out of reach before we both went under together. I realized that as these dreams kept occurring that the fears of coming home to him either dying or dead, after getting stuck half way between captivity and freedom, were effecting my sleep and i had to give in to the fact that he would have to roam free in my apartment. due to this fact, i've paid probably hundreds of dollars in window shade replacements...but i digress...

another dream which was just as morbid if not even more so, was a few years ago when i realized that i felt very far away from my brother. we hadn't spoken in a long time, and not for any particular reason other than the fact that we don't often communicate well over the phone. he doesn't like the phone and i don't like leaving messages that never get returned. no hard feelings, but i felt very far away from him and didn't know what to do. the severity of my feelings about the situation came to light when i drempt that he had died and had been laid on top of his coffin and was being carried by some strange men somewhere (you know how dreams are, sometimes you're in 'your' house even though it is nothing like your actual house)...i remember waking up and completely freaking out, thinking that my brother was going to die or that there were things i needed to tell him. before he dies...or something.

luckily since then, things have been fine between me and my brother and as i now live much closer to him, i don't have those dreams anymore...

until...

i've become somewhat intrigued by the show Six Feet Under which is shown on the Bravo channel (yes, the fact that i'm posting on yet Another cable TV show is starting to worry me...but i'll continue still)...it may have been a season finale or something, but one of the main characters was leaving her town in California to go to New York City even though the job she was going to move out there for fell through. She said goodbye to her family, her mom, brother and other family members and was sobbing the entire time, hugging them, and wishing them well...excited to go but not wanting to leave all at the same time. i realized how often i've gone through that almost exact scene with members of my family, and how even still, i cry when i leave my sister...then of course the whole...moving to a big city by yourself thing which i can relate to as well because of my recent solo move to Chicago...but anyways, i woke up this morning and realized that i was having a dream about saying good bye to my brother again. i was hugging him and sobbing.

i know that most of that dream was due to the TV show of last night, but seriously...it's kind of weirding me out...

dreams are amazing. if they mean nothing they're amazing cause they're usually so unbelievable that you'd never even think of half that stuff if you were awake...and if they DO mean something, they can be powerful too...

is it in the water?

tonight the first table i got at the restaurant began as super high maintenance...i brought them something, and they needed something else. it got worse when he asked for anchovies on his greek salad, which i hate with a passion, but i got anyways, and he disappeared into the bathroom. he came back, into the BACK of the restaurant to find me and says that i served him bad anchovies and it's a disgrace that i would ever do such a thing. frankly, with the training i DIDN"T RECEIVE and the fact that i think anchovies are THE most disgusting thing on earth and smell like dirty feet, let alone what ever they might taste like, i have NO idea how to know that they're out of date and shouldn't be served to a customer in a restaurant. Even though i offered my apologies as nicely as i could, he demanded he speak to the manager, and then the owner. He couldn't stop going on and on...so, i asked the cooks to make sure that the anchovies were bad, and so they smelled and tasted them and they all said that the anchovies weren't bad. That's right, they Weren't bad. and that a$$hole guy was making a huge stink, making me look like a complete idiot for nothing. he got his whole meal for free, his whole stir fry and his wife's omlette, because he thought the anchovies, which didn't even touch his salad were bad, and they weren't bad.

Three tables later the couple complained about the portion size of the stir-fry they ordered because since we've gotten new owners the food is placed on the plate differently. they were all like "didn't you Notice that it was LESS food?" as if i did it on purpose or something. luckily they were nice about it after i told the cook to make the 'old' portion and they were able to share One entree.

and i'm pretty sure that i got shorted 8 bucks in tips because of a mistake by the hostess while counting the money at shift change. i even called her after she left to make sure, but she said that she didn't make a mistake. i still think she did, but what am i gonna do? booooo...

and strangely, after applying to a few other restaurants this past weekend, i've decided i'll probably stay at this job, even though i almost walk off the job almost all the time, because i finally have a schedule that fits and i really don't want to work somewhere that's actually Fine Dining, yes more tips, but more stress and more learning of the menu...plus i don't know enough about wine and don't want anyone to know it...especially a possible employer, so i'll stay with diner food and crappy customers. yes, i'm nuts. oh well...

for the record. i think the first guy of the night was my first complaint...ever...and it was clear after the anchovies weren't really bad, that he was an a$$...though i bet the 5 dollar tip was because his wife made him leave it...haha

it's strange...

why is it that it's so hard to get out for a walk, but every time it feels so good?? one might think that the gratification and clean air in the lungs would create for motivation the next time...why doesn't it work that way??

back again...

lots has happened since i last posted...

1. i recently had a new addition to my little family. it is now me, brayson and my new ipod Nano Li'l Guy. i Never thought that i would purchase one, but after a week of the idea, i couldn't wait anylonger. I'm soo excited. it's beautiful in every way.

2. my camera stopped working. one day it worked and the next it didn't. so i can't show you a picture of my beautiful Nano...

3. i bought a 40 lb bag of dog food and all he's been doing since he ate tonight is stink up this room with his nasty-ass-gas. what am i going to do with all this food???

4. i was on the way home from work today and i heard a siren, so i moved over to the side of the road to realize that there are 5 police cars in a row, followed by three tour size busses that said "The Department of Corrections" on them, followed by 5 other police cars. they were going through the city with everyone moving over to let them through...uh...i'll stay as Far away from those police cars as i possibly can, thank you...

5.i have a headache so i'm gonna go make something to eat for dinner...

getting what's deserved...

go granny go:)

i've never been good at pretending...and yet...

why is it that more often than not, life seems to be too screwed up to even begin working on?
why do things feel like they have to be all or nothing?
why can a mistake sometimes feel like it's the defining moment when everyone is going to finally see that you're a fraud and you have no idea what the hell you're doing?
why does it sometimes feel like you're trapped inside of something, trapped inside yourself, with no idea of how to get out?
why are the faces we hide behind so hard to break free from?
why is it so hard to just let things go?

why are we too often our own worst enemy?...i don't want to be

my dog has PTSD

what happens when i use the space heater and the hair dryer at the same time?


my dog freaks out when i blow a fuse, there's a loud pop and all the lights go out.



the sad thing is, i took these pictures three days ago and i haven't blown a fuse in about a month, since i finally got my heat fixed and i don't need to use the space heater anymore...

will he be traumatized forever?? i guess only time will tell. unfortunately i don't know anything about dog therapy...

sooo late...

ok, it's sooo late for me to be awake but it's what it is.

i was convinced to go out for a few drinks tonight afterwork..by a couple coworkers...one of which i have lot in common with...he's very into music, and one that's a little too into herself and has a hard time not talking about people all the time, instead of about ideas that are actually important to life. but not to talk about people too much...it was a nice time to get out and enjoy some social time and some live cover and folk music. love it.

in regards to comments in my last post...yes, i had a Great weekend...time with family and friends is always a good time...i got two tires fixed on my car...both had sharp objects in them, i got to play pool and darts and get my ass kicked in both...(though i'd like to say, i did kick some ass in darts against Two certain people, and i had a couple runs in pool that were very impressive).

also, i got to have some great discussions...about the real important things in life...God, love, etc. and i'm reminded i learn from people every day. bex Did have a crazy story to share about running into an old 'friend' and getting all weird and awkward..how i wish i coulda been there:):):)

anyways, it was great. and now it's already Thursday at 1:07am...and i have to GO TO SLEEP. that damn alarm clock will interrupt my peaceful sleep way too soon:) that scene in Office Space with the copy machine and the sledge hammer comes to mind. someday i'm gonna have a room full of alarm clocks and i'm gonna have a sledge hammer and i'm gonna just go nuts beating the shit out of them all...oh wait...did i say that outloud..or type it and post it on the internet?? oops...too much info..haha

anyways...sleep tight y'all..:)