freud who?

so i often dream about things that are on my mind. i know, i know...that's not really rocket science, but it's true...sometimes dreams have nothing to do with anything, like the time i drempt that i was shot in the knee by a guy who i was trying to hide from behind the sofa. i saw the bullets in my knee, but i didn't bleed...which i've heard is common (people don't see blood in their dreams...but that's a conversation starter for another day)...

when i moved to west virginia i tried to figure out how to keep my dog in his crate when i left for class. no matter what kind of gadgets i used to keep the dog inside the crate, i would return home with a mutilated crate and a dog that met me at the door. i started having dreams that he was on a big ship that was capsizing and i was constantly trying to save him before it over turned completely. sometimes i was on the shoreline trying to get back on the boat before he went under, and sometimes i was on the boat trying to grab him even though he was constantly just out of reach before we both went under together. I realized that as these dreams kept occurring that the fears of coming home to him either dying or dead, after getting stuck half way between captivity and freedom, were effecting my sleep and i had to give in to the fact that he would have to roam free in my apartment. due to this fact, i've paid probably hundreds of dollars in window shade replacements...but i digress...

another dream which was just as morbid if not even more so, was a few years ago when i realized that i felt very far away from my brother. we hadn't spoken in a long time, and not for any particular reason other than the fact that we don't often communicate well over the phone. he doesn't like the phone and i don't like leaving messages that never get returned. no hard feelings, but i felt very far away from him and didn't know what to do. the severity of my feelings about the situation came to light when i drempt that he had died and had been laid on top of his coffin and was being carried by some strange men somewhere (you know how dreams are, sometimes you're in 'your' house even though it is nothing like your actual house)...i remember waking up and completely freaking out, thinking that my brother was going to die or that there were things i needed to tell him. before he dies...or something.

luckily since then, things have been fine between me and my brother and as i now live much closer to him, i don't have those dreams anymore...

until...

i've become somewhat intrigued by the show Six Feet Under which is shown on the Bravo channel (yes, the fact that i'm posting on yet Another cable TV show is starting to worry me...but i'll continue still)...it may have been a season finale or something, but one of the main characters was leaving her town in California to go to New York City even though the job she was going to move out there for fell through. She said goodbye to her family, her mom, brother and other family members and was sobbing the entire time, hugging them, and wishing them well...excited to go but not wanting to leave all at the same time. i realized how often i've gone through that almost exact scene with members of my family, and how even still, i cry when i leave my sister...then of course the whole...moving to a big city by yourself thing which i can relate to as well because of my recent solo move to Chicago...but anyways, i woke up this morning and realized that i was having a dream about saying good bye to my brother again. i was hugging him and sobbing.

i know that most of that dream was due to the TV show of last night, but seriously...it's kind of weirding me out...

dreams are amazing. if they mean nothing they're amazing cause they're usually so unbelievable that you'd never even think of half that stuff if you were awake...and if they DO mean something, they can be powerful too...