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practice makes better

so it has been pointed out to me that perhaps my 'lenten reflection' hasn't quite sunk in enough (evidence found in my last two postings) maybe i do need to reread the "lenten Reflection" a few million more times. letting go and trusting in grace is probably one of the hardest things to do. the thing is, letting go doesn't mean standing back and waiting for everything to fall into place, b/c i firmly believe that while sometimes that happens, most of the time it doesn't. most of the time, nothing happens by itself. and so, it's hard to let go while so much of myself seems to still be so invested. i put hard work in, i want to know that i'm going to get results. and i want to know it now...or i'll fret over it until i do know. control freak?? who, me? never. handing over that control to a belief is hard, seeming impossible even, and yet, even with small amounts, it feels better. like a weight is lifted. i don't have to carry it all by myself.

FOR THE RECORD: i do think that worry and fret are normal human emotions that we can't completely eliminate with trust in grace, providence, and an imminent Being. that said though, i obviously still have a long way to go. giving over that worry, believing that something will work out because Someone much greater than me is in control is quite relieving. i still have plenty of work to do, but at the end of the day, i believe my hard work will be blessed, even if everything doesn't turn out how i would like, or think it should.

so, don't think i won't freak out again, cause i will, and i know that's ok...but ultimately, i DO know that i'm not in this alone.

cliche' anyone??


Blogger bexala said...

And, for the comment to the job searching's a bitch comment was truly just an observation of the fact that i love it when anyone writes a journal or anything that's truly deep and reflective....and then two minutes later we talk about the stuff of everyday life and all we have to say about it is..."yea...that's a bitch." its one of those things about being human that i love. we can be really reflective...really deep...and then in the next moment just tell it like it is.

thanks for telling it like it is girl...cause you know i'm with you and i totally understand how you feel about not knowing what's going to happen in the future. i dealt with that for 5 months last year when i was a complete loser living at my folks' house with no job, no apartment, and a broken relationship. there's nothing harder than trusting anyone or anything in those times of life.

and you're right, it will work itself out...and if anyone tells you not to complain while it is working itself out....they are crazy...cause that's just being human.


7:46 PM  
Blogger Reshae said...

you make me smile

7:26 AM  

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