practice makes better

so it has been pointed out to me that perhaps my 'lenten reflection' hasn't quite sunk in enough (evidence found in my last two postings) maybe i do need to reread the "lenten Reflection" a few million more times. letting go and trusting in grace is probably one of the hardest things to do. the thing is, letting go doesn't mean standing back and waiting for everything to fall into place, b/c i firmly believe that while sometimes that happens, most of the time it doesn't. most of the time, nothing happens by itself. and so, it's hard to let go while so much of myself seems to still be so invested. i put hard work in, i want to know that i'm going to get results. and i want to know it now...or i'll fret over it until i do know. control freak?? who, me? never. handing over that control to a belief is hard, seeming impossible even, and yet, even with small amounts, it feels better. like a weight is lifted. i don't have to carry it all by myself.

FOR THE RECORD: i do think that worry and fret are normal human emotions that we can't completely eliminate with trust in grace, providence, and an imminent Being. that said though, i obviously still have a long way to go. giving over that worry, believing that something will work out because Someone much greater than me is in control is quite relieving. i still have plenty of work to do, but at the end of the day, i believe my hard work will be blessed, even if everything doesn't turn out how i would like, or think it should.

so, don't think i won't freak out again, cause i will, and i know that's ok...but ultimately, i DO know that i'm not in this alone.


cliche' anyone??