a long time

so it's been a while. mainly due to the fact that since i cancelled my comcast (yes i go against their current sloggan that you'll do Anything but give up your Comcast) i've been bumbing internet off of someone who has named their account "Sophie". Sophie has only been available, however, later in the evenings as of late, and i usually just haven't been in the mood. i've been somewhat under the weather for an unusually long time, and i've been lazy.

however, on saturday i leave for a mission trip, yes i said mission trip, to Iowa to help some people who lost their posessions in the spring flood. i was going back and forth about going or not...and decided that i didn't want to miss an opportunity to sleep on a church floor for a week, ruin a few pairs of pants and help some people who have been through a significant unfortunate tragedy. Somewhat afraid this will be a little 'churchy'...seeing as i'm going with a church group, and meeting with other church members, i figured, the greater good is my focus and i'll try to do the best i can. for those who may be a little confused..i've been somewhat 'anti-church' for the last...oh...4 years as i work through what i've too often found to be frustrating hipocracies and ...ohh i better stop before i get myself in trouble. however i'm completely aware that as this is My blog, i should be, and am, allowed to not worry about getting myself into trouble. even in cyberspace i worry of what others may think...

but i digress.

ok. so i'm going to Iowa for a week. i still feel like it's a bit junior highschool. but i never did a 'mission' trip when i was in junior high, or high school for that matter, and again...this is to do good for other people...nothing more.

ok. i'm done.

i have the next 8 days off...

and i'm so excited i don't know where to start!!! time to clean, time to sleep, time to do laundry, time to do nothing, time to go to coffee shops and window shop and....anything..time to visit friends and family...

time to NOT THINK ABOUT WORK!!!

sad reality...

so i won the fight about wearing my nose stud while working at the restaurant. and i got a really great 4th of july weekend off out of the fight, which was fabulous.

yesterday, a family reunion decided to come the restaurant right before i was supposed to clock out. so i stayed to help out. 40 people ate, were picky eaters, didn't answer questions when asked and acted like we were stupid. all together, they left $9 tip to the other waitress. i got none.

how do people go to a restaurant and have the gall to not tip their servers. they come in, loud, obnoxious, ungrateful, cheap...i was speechless for like 15 minutes. then i was just pissed off.

the sad thing is. i've NOT wanted to say this for a Long time. when i started serving, other servers made comments about certain people who didn't tip well. i pretended like it wasn't true, and tried to not assume bad tips from certain people i waited on. you never know how people will tip you, so treat everyone the same, and hope for the best. but i soon started learning that the other servers were right. Elderly and african americans are usually bad at tipping well. yes i said it. and typed it even. does this make me a bad person? um. it makes me honest to my experiences in the restaurant world. and let me state, that i'm well aware that not every old person, or every black person is a bad tipper, but sadly, more often than not, they are bad tippers, and it's frustrating. especially if you're staying late to help out, you're running around like you're crazy to make your customers happy, and you get nothing to show for it. NOT A THING. i seriously don't know how people can do that. seriously.and NOTE: this group was not elderly.

anyways. another day on the job i guess.

Garrison Keilor...Prairie Home Companion in Ravinia...

live broadcast of classic Garrison Keilor...in the park of Ravinia...it was great!!
we couldn't even see the stage so not sure what we were looking at...i believe we were singing the national anthem...
and other various 4th of July patriotic songs...(appropriate for a park, but not for church...)
a few people i don't know but were really nice...
a guy in pink...and me
good times good times...


oh, and i Love this song:) i can't help but dance whenever it comes on...

childhood lessons

many people learn a valuable lesson when they are very young...regarding not touching hot stoves. we learned this probably because we touched a hot stove once, it hurt like hell, we got burned, and we had the common sense to remember to stay away next time and be careful.

some people learn similar lessons in life, learn from experiences and move on making changes the next time placed in a similar situation.

somehow, however, i'm ' ' this close to being exactly in the same place as i was almost a year ago...burned and feeling foolish. why is it that certain people have the ability to throw all your reason out the window? and i know that within weeks, i'll be that same burned fool because i see it before me and i have done nothing to stop it, nor do i think i want to or plan to. i won't stay away from that hot stove.

call it eternal optimism, call it 'giving it a chance', call it desperate, call it whatever it seems most likely to be...

for the record. i didn't seek this out, it just happened...again.

i'm better than this. and i deserve better than this.

and yet...so it goes.


"And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well are you a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg?"
- Frightened Rabbit (The Midnight Organ Fight)

turns out i just might be that masochist...falling just short of the actual love thing.

i scream for ice cream...

sometimes work is hard.
sometimes clients get sick.
sometimes they need help they don't want.
sometimes 'tough love' is hard.

sometimes i just want some ice cream.