Mesmeric Persiflage

Imogen Heap -Wait it Out

2010-07-05T11:15:00.002-06:00

this song is amazing...

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond these questions...

Clambering for the scraps in the shatter of us collapsed
that cuts me with every could-have-been

Pain on pain on play repeating
with the backup, makeshift life in waiting

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
turning the sign around
We're closed to the earth 'til further notice

A stumbling cliched case,
crumpled and puffy faced
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles

All I want, only one, street level miracle
I'll be an out and out, born again, from none more
cynical

Everybody says time heals everything (oh in the end)
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?
And sit here cold, we will be long gone by then
In lackluster, in dust we layer on old magazines,
fluorescent lighting sets the scene
for all we could and should be being
in the one life that we've got

ahh...in the one life that we've got

Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here
Just going to wait it out
And sit here cold
Just going to sweat it out
Wait it out

so far so good...

2010-03-22T19:13:00.001-06:00

four

2010-03-11T20:09:00.002-06:00

today was the 4th day of my new job...all is currently well.

not much mental capacity after 5pm to be able to craft a clever post...

so this is what you get...

update on the chair project...

2010-03-06T14:35:00.006-06:00

down to bare bones...
i started sewing a little...did the piping pretty easily, and right now i have almost all of the fabric cut out...tomorrow i plan to get the padding...and then will start building this chair back up again...:)

you know you're too busy when...

2010-02-24T21:27:00.006-06:00

you don't have time to go to the grocery store for milk and so you drink what you have in the fridge...beer.

you took a shower at 4pm last night so decide to go to work without one the next morning...GROSS

you can't remember which pile of clothes was clean and which one was dirty and you hope that you pick a clean shirt while forming your outfit for the day.

you order in because of the value of a clean fork and knife...every other piece of flat-wear is unwashed and laying crusty in the kitchen sink--along with every plate, bowl and cup that you own

you sigh a Big sigh of relief when you return home much later than planned and don't have a mound of dog poop on the middle of your kitchen floor

you can't remember the days when the Olympics were NOT on every night

you went all day thinking it's Friday...it's only Wednesday
--
yep that's me!

Winter Projects continued

2010-01-30T21:38:00.007-06:00

so...this is how far i've gotten so far on my chair. i'm having some difficulty in finding the padding i need to continue, and am somewhat concerned, but i won't give up easily. I also have to purchase some white fabric to go under the fabric i bought to cover the chair because even though it's thick fabric, i need another layer to make sure you can't see through the fabric....you'll see when it's done.

at the moment it's a definite eye sore in the middle of the room, but what the hey...
Look what i found underneath, but only on about half of the chair...weird. Red...VELVET...gross!!! Was this supposed to be some kind of pimp chair????i threw out all of the padding because it was old...And this is what i'm currently left with...bare. bones.Probably about 75% of all of the staples i had to pull out of the wood of the chair so far are in this container. when i started i put them in piles and threw them out, then i figured this would be a bit easier to clean up. i pulled out hundreds of these little suckers...my arms/hands definitely got a good work out. and this is the proof...and there you have it. so far. more is yet to come.

Winter projects

2010-01-17T13:43:00.006-06:00

so i've decide to reupholster my wing-back chair. the response i've often been getting when explaining this to people i know is a hesitant '...cool...' with an odd look as if to say, 'weirdo alert'...but whatever. it's a much needed task because the fabric that's currently on the chair, though livable, does not suit either the apartment or me, and after many years, it's dirty, faded and worn out. I've had it for 6 years, my sister had it before me in college, and it was purchased from a thrift store (and quickly thereafter steam cleaned), so who knows the life it's lived before us! i understand i could throw it out and purchase a new one, but what fun would that be??

so far it's been an interesting project, and at times i've worried if i've gotten in over my head, but after some research on line this morning, i feel more equipped and aware of where to go next. and plus, i figure, it's an old ass chair that really could be replaced if i totally botch this up...so why not practice and see what i can do!!

a few pics to show progress...Brayson looks less than impressed, more like giving me a look like...um,, what are you doing? and why are you not playing with me??
i'm planning to do as little to the springs of the chair as possible cause that scares me, but i'll be replacing most of the padding and all of the fabric...:)

here's to figuring it out!

Wed.nes.day

2010-01-13T18:20:00.005-06:00

so today was somewhat of a regular everyday kind of day, though, it's weird to make new year's resolutions that you actually care about. i realized i kept catching myself falling into regular patterns and routines that i've been trying to break and change.

Example of inner dialogue of today:

inner dialogue #1: (scene begins in car with client, lunch time, not much time to eat before next visit)
2009 me: eating at McDonald's would be great because 'client' said he's hungry and i can buy him lunch. i didn't bring lunch today anyways so i'll just grab some with him.
2010 me: but you've decided to eat more healthy and stop eating fast food.
2009 me: yeah, but i'm not going to buy this guy lunch and then wait for a subway to come along for me later, it's already after 1:30, i'm starved.
2010 me: that's why you should've made lunch today to bring to work so that you didn't have to bye from McDonald's
2009 me: yeah, but i couldn't get out of bed this morning and didn't have time. plus, i brought lunch three times last week and also on monday and tuesday this week so far...i'm 'bout due a fountain coke, damn it!!...
2010 me: you've made progress!! don't stumble now...!!!
2009 me: um. i'm in line and have to decide.
McDonald's drive thru machine: what can i get for you today ma'am?

in the fast-food-'2009 me'-vs-'2010 me'-war....'2009 me' won.

however...

'2010 me' did win the exercising-after-work-war, so i guess 2009 me is 1-0 and 2010 me is 0-1... could be worse.

some people think that this kind of inner dialogue and split personality is reason for seeking professional treatment, and frankly i'm not here to disagree. however, i do understand how changing the 'tape recorder,' as they say, going on in your mind can often change the way you feel and the behavior that ensues. and isn't being aware of it the first step??? ;)

well, now that i've eaten like crap today, but at least brought my heart rate above sitting on my ass all night, i must get back to work. too much to do, too little time.

oh, and brayson just farted. gross...

not enough time in the day

2009-12-14T21:23:00.003-06:00

so i've been meaning to write a fun post for about a week now...and haven't had the time/energy to do so. again tonight, i was gonna write it, but i had to go christmas shopping for each member on my team. that's 41 people. i had about $5 per person to spend (give or take a few bucks) and it had to be at Walmart...and i despise Walmart, so naturally i saved shopping til the exact last moment possible. if i don't have them at work tomorrow we won't be able to get them wrapped in time for the Christmas...eh, em...HOLIDAY party on Friday. and for some ridiculous reason i decided to take personal time to do it. after work. potentially of course this means i could leave early either tomorrow, wednesday or thursday, but who are we kidding. i never leave early.

the sad thing was that Walmart, as expected, was disappointing, and had little to NO cheap men's items except for $3 cologne (gross). and as we have 11 women and 30 men, i had to come up with way more male gifts. they had completely run out of gloves/scarves/hats for the men, like when i asked where the section was (after having searched for it for about 10 minutes thinking im losing my mind because for the love there has to be a section around there somewhere for men's hats/gloves/scarves, the woman working looked at me and sighed...there is no section, we're all out...lovely). so, about 8 guys get the cheap cologne. i was able to find a few sweet baseball hats for a few younger/hip guys, i have some cartons of cookies, playing cards, dominos, and a box of skippo for a few family oriented fellows. lame??? me thinks yes.

needless to say, i hope it will brighten SOMEONE's day!!! and i'm now exhausted, going to kick my feet up, and probably fall asleep on the couch watching a stupid episode of CSI which is about the only mildly livable show on tv on Monday evenings after 9pm. but really i hate CSI.

i will admit, however, that i am getting excited for christmas.

i guess i pooped out a post anyways...pshshshs

life through a 2.7-inch LCD screen

2009-11-28T14:13:00.003-06:00

So my luck has never been strong in regards to cameras. and though i know i've never spent large amounts of money on one, i will say i've invested a lot of money in multiple cameras and i feel that they should have lasted me much longer than they did. I purchased one a few years ago in Scotland and it died within the year. i then purchased a Sony which i thought should do me better and within a few months it started draining all of the battery out of the camera within a few hours. i purchased a battery charger and re-chargeable batteries, and this only seemed to help a small amount, i was recharging them after every use. slowly, the camera started not even turning on, or turning on only sometimes, and now no matter how new or charged the batteries are, it won't turn on at all. so, not only did the camera not work for more than a year, but i also spent tons of money on the battery charger and multiple batteries. now you may be thinking perhaps i don't take good care of them, but in all honesty, i think i do, i have had cases for them, and feel that because of each past disaster, i've been more careful with each new one. there's nothing more annoying than when you think you'll be able to take pics of an event and then realize that you'll either have no record for your memories, or you'll have to rely on other people to both take the pics and then eventually post them on facebook or send them by email. of course it's more often than not that the friends that take the pictures never send them, so i don't get to have the morsels of memorabilia i want from the events i've attended.

i have decided it's time to try again. and again, i realize i haven't spent hundreds of dollars to help guarantee the quality of the product, but i did take advantage of a 'black friday' sale at target (only because i actually needed conditioner and so was in the store--i wasn't one of the people waiting in line hours before the store opened, i swear!!) the 17 year old that i asked about the quality of the camera was so overwhelmed by the business of the store that he couldn't answer any of my questions in complete sentences and was looking around impatiently the whole time he was ringing up my purchase. ps, it wasn't that busy, and there seemed to be more flustered target employees than shoppers by the time i was in the store. even in spite of that, i feel that i've made a good purchase--when i opened the box there was a battery and charger with the camera. I proceeded to sigh with relief!!

anyways...here she is...

Hot peas

2009-11-22T19:14:00.008-06:00

So it turns out...William James Adams, Jr. from Black Eyed Peas is really hot...how have i been missing him all this time???
he actually looks like the former detective from Law and Order...
in both cases...yum!!

ebay---who knew!!!

2009-11-18T18:00:00.005-06:00

ok, so i'm a little behind the times, i realize, on many things. Ebay happens to be one of them. For some reason, even though i used to use Half.com (which is Ebay's 'cousin' i will say) for purchasing and selling text books, Ebay was always a bit of a mystery to me. i don't like the idea of bidding on something, having to wait and after having finally decided to spend my precious money on something, have the chance of someone overbidding me at the last minute. oh the disappointment.

now i realize that there are tricks and gimics to save me from this possible, impending disappointment, but who has time for that?? also, i always had a picture in my head of people always and only purchasing very expensive things.

to be fair, i have tried to purchase items before with much difficulty and headache. a year or so ago i tried to purchase a new copy of my favorite book by Leon Uris -Mila 18, and couldn't figure out how to pay the guy for it even though i won the book. the guy emailed me twice for payment and i ended up losing it because as hard as i tried i couldn't figure out how it worked. i swear to god there was no button for me to click to actually pay the man.

HOWEVER...i've recently made two purchases on Ebay with great success.
Success #1:
a month or so ago i bought a laptop 'cooler', which is a flat piece of equipment that sits under my laptop with three fans that cool it in order to help prevent it from overheating. it didn't cost hundreds of dollars like one might expect, i was able to find one for just under $13 and it works beautifully.

because of this i decided to try again.
Success #2:
my dipshit ex boyfriend gave me a money clip when we were first dating. mind you he got it for $1 at a thrift store, but he got me hooked, and i decided not to lose the practice of using one just because he is an asshole. it really is quite practical and prevents me from having to take a purse everywhere i go...another major bonus! recently the one he gave me broke, and i've been lamenting going back to using a wallet, even though i haven't been able to find another money clip anywhere. shockingly, they aren't sold in every corner store! i was, however, able to find one for $12 at a cute boutique but i figured if they are sold somewhere for $1, i could do better than $12. so, after going to multiple thrift stores, coming across my new favorite Vintage store on N Broadway and being unsuccessful in finding one anywhere, i decided to try ebay.

this is what i found
and for less than $6...not too shabby!! now, i haven't gotten it in the mail yet, and i did have trouble with paypal...but i got my confirmation for payment and that i should be expecting it to arrive within a few days...

ahh...modern technology helping make my life a little easier...who would've guessed, especially when used to purchase something classic....love it!

couch potato

2009-11-17T20:18:00.002-06:00

the problem with getting sick, not only the fact that as i live alone i have to let my dog out no matter what, make my own food and wash my own dishes, is that there's nothing you want to do but lay down and do nothing...but time goes by slowly, and so tv/internet become a way to pass the time.

so, as i've had the flu for the last three/four days, i've been home, becoming what i've called a hulu-youtube-facebook junkie. i've spent much too much time on the internet and too much time watching tv. and with all of this time on tv, i've been watching So You Think You Can Dance, which honestly has impressed me. I've seen a few episodes this season, but seriously, the people competing are really solid, really talented people, and it's honestly a fun watch...even though i can't stand the host, the blond with an accent. i can't stand how she says 'judges'....SOO annoying!! i don't really watch American Idol, i stay clear away from Dancing with the Stars (Which is totally stupid), but i would recommend this show...it's pretty sweet!

now, if only i can get rid of this headache and sore throat so i can get off this couch and stop feeling so lazy...:)

a smelly situation

2009-11-12T21:27:00.002-06:00

i was riding the bus to meet a friend last night and i'm pretty sure the girl next to me farted. she sort of squirmed weird for a minute and then everything smelled really bad for a few minutes. and not the same really bad smell you get when there's someone near you on the bus that hasn't showered in over a week and you feel you have to get off the bus 10 stops early just to get a breath. this was pungent and gross and sitting next to me...euwww...

wow...it's been a while.

2009-11-07T10:55:00.003-06:00

so i have been on hiatus for longer than i thought i'd be...i've been through a lot, and haven't been very motivated to write, or inspired to share my thoughts. mostly because they've been depressing...a bad, difficult break up...and two grandparents have passed for which i've been very involved in...not in a killing sense, but in a support/assistance sense. ok, that still sounds bad. i was there for both my grandpa and grandma at the end of their lives, holding their hands, advocating with hospice/nursing home staff for the most possible comfort as they suffered and i was there during their last moments. it's heavy. it's hard. it's surreal to be placed so close to the reality of life and then death.

see, not very positive or uplifting. however, i wouldn't've traded it for anything, and i'm really so blessed to be there, both times. on a good note, 81 and 98 were their ages and they had overall good lives. the boyfriend on the other hand (make that EX boyfriend), well that's another story for another day...if you're lucky...

the inspiration for the post this saturday morning was actually due to the fact that i wanted to share that i picked up over 30 bottles/cans (and other various pieces of plastic garbage) from the pockets of grass on the street where i usually let brayson do his business...because the bottles and cans have been there for months and i finally couldn't take it anymore. i think the people walking by were amused or at least mildly worried about my sanity. either way, my street looks better than ever before...and i'll admit, i'm slightly motivated to look into volunteer opportunities to pick up other peoples' garbage and make this city look a little nicer...is that weird?? i've realized lately that i haven't done volunteer work in years anyways, and that's really sad. some of my friends tutor kids every week and i all this past week i just sat on my ass and worked when i get home from work. my life, sans boyfriend who encouraged me to take time for myself (one of the few good things about him), is really rather boring and too filled with work. maybe volunteering will be good for me...hmmm

at least for now, until another weekend of people drinking-so-much-they-feel-the-need-to-use-their-alcoholic-containers-to-litter-all-over-the-street, i get a break from preventing brayson from stepping on broken or potentially broken glass and can let him poop in peace...

time for a new post...

2009-03-19T06:05:00.003-06:00

mostly because i can't take looking at that t-shirt every time i come to this site...

today is thursday but it's my friday cause i'm taking a 3 day weekend...woohoo!!

lata bitches...

here it is folks.

2009-02-21T17:00:00.004-06:00

ok. so with great shame and humiliation, i give you the Back (THANK GOD) of the new shirt i have to wear at my restaurant. i know i said i'd quit if i had to wear this. i all but begged the owner to let us just wear black, to let us keep the small amount of dignity and professionalism we have left after working there, but alas, he has decided on this.

i have decided that for now, the plan is to swallow my pride, stay there until i take my test for my license (LCPC) and then call it quits. Having a deadline in mind helps me survive and keep my sanity.

reveling in free time..

2009-02-08T21:40:00.003-06:00

the restaurant i work for on the weekends has been shut down for a few weekends, and i can't explain how much i LOVE having weekends off. since i started two years ago, i pretty much have only taken full weekends off when going out of town, but i've had three weekends off now, and i LOVE IT!!!

yesterday i slept in, went to the dog park, to target with a friend, out for dinner, and out to a movie. today, i slept in, made myself breakfast, took a bike ride to the lake, read part of a book, watched some tv, got some work done, made dinner...relaxed. it is truly a gift to be able to relax and have time off.

i really don't want to go back to work. i saw yesterday that the restaurant is back open again...so i'll have to work again soon, but it's been great while it lasted!!

what i hate most about being sick and living on my own

2009-01-15T17:03:00.007-06:00

while it's nice to be really young and have mom or dad dote on you when you're not well, the most frustrating thing about being an adult and sick while NOT living with dad/mom or anyone else is that even in SUB ZERO weather, i STILL have to let my dog out three times a day. my nose hairs literally froze the second i walked outside this morning and because we have so much snow, we have to walk half a block to find a section of yard that B can use. i keep telling myself i need to train him to poop and pee in the toilet. it would save me so much hassle. however, until i actually put that crazy idea into action, i have to get all bundled up and hope i don't run into anyone while i look like death and feel like shit. this headache really seems to want to win this fight.

the other annoying thing is, to have all this time on my hands and not be able to do anything fun with it. i've had about 4 naps today, i tried to watch some "it's always sunny in philadelphia" (my new favorite incredibly crude and inappropriate show), i watched Swingers again and a few Jon Stewart Daily Show episodes, but the whole time i wanted to curl in a ball and have it all just end. the pain i mean.

the good thing is, i was able to have a really great weekend around the city both inside and outside, catching some cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory and an improv show at Improv Olympic. Not to mention a few drinks and a few laughs. i was even able to say 'lata bitches' a few times. it was great fun!!

must bundle myself up now and let B out for his evening business.

a little bit all over the place.

2008-12-10T17:31:00.003-06:00

so, i'm fully aware that i've been neglectful of my precious blog as of late...or as of the last 6 or so months. i've had so much going on that i really don't usually know where to start. the last few days on the ride home from work i finally had some clear thoughts as to what to write in a post or two, but i find that, just like the last few months, once i get home, all intelligent/comprehensive/interesting thoughts have completely vanished from my mind, and i sit and look at a blank screen not knowing where to even start. as is the same today. however, i have trudged onward and have been able to spew a few nonsensical words together to create what you are currently reading now. the honesty that is required in order to be truly relateable and interesting is not always something i feel i want to give. and in all truth, blogging is not the only thing that suffers at the end of my long days. i often have lofty desires to read books, research interesting events that have transpired over the day, listen to music i've heard on interesting radio stations, and learn the general knowledge that i seem to have missed in my 27 years of life. sometimes i feel that i have something good to contribute and other times i feel that i've been in a bubble of self analysis that has somehow exempt me from experiencing everyday things which everyone else and their mother's seem to have lived and seem to know about. and on those days, it seems much easier to post videos copied from two years ago, or go on and on about my dog, who, let's face it, really is only interesting to me and a few loyal friends of mine.

a conversation i shared with a recently new coworker has stuck with me the last few days. the discussion involved the need to 'wine and dine' the wealthy into donating money, in order to prove our need for finances to continue to provide our services. i understand that the company i work for is a business. it's a human services business. we're, (i'm) in a business which involves providing 'help' services to people who need them, whether they believe they need them or not (in some cases). i am fully aware that we need money in order to provide these services and that the state, as has been proven recently by our idiot governor, is screwed up, and doesn't pay my company enough for the services we provide. therefore, we need the assistance of wealthy donors to stay afloat. but what is the best way to get these wealthy donors to give us money? is it by showing them a good time, getting in on their levels and showing them success stories of what our services can do? is it necessary to spend lots of money to 'wine and dine', to 'wow' them, to seduce them, to reel them in...as if the pure difficulties our members face, the mere reality of discrimination and negative stigma, and lack of resources/support/assistance don't prove to be enough to show the need for financial support?

perhaps my naivete in regards to running a business proves the problem here. and perhaps my issues more stem from the fact that my coworker, who is in the development field and not the social work field, frustrates me in regards to his lack of empathy for and clear lack of understanding of the financial stress those who are Not in the development department are under when lay offs have started and it's unclear who else may be next. Can't some of the money used to impress and inspire potential donors be used to keep the jobs of those who need them and continue the services that they provide? maybe not, but i have to say, i have really become frustrated with ignorant people who have power/influence or even the opportunities to make so much positive difference, and get impressed by the wealthy while losing sight of the original cause, if there was sight of the original cause to begin with.

which gets me to our current political disaster which includes Illinois' Governor Rod Blagojevich. As i understand, he's been under investigation for over 2 years in regards to 'pay to play' politics, and has allegedly tried to sell the seat in the Senate previously held by Barack Obama, not to mention, he's accused of trying to illegally manipulate the selling of the Cubs as a bargaining tool to get rid of certain Editors in the Chicago Tribune. One commenter on NPR this morning joked that even a Hollywood movie writer probably wouldn't've put these circumstances/events together as a believable story-line. Funny thing is, the former governor George Ryan, Blagojevich's predecessor, was also convicted of corruption and is serving a 6.5 yr sentence for it right now. Gotta love politics these days. or gotta love Illinois/Chicago politics. Turns out Blagojevich's proposed budget completely ignores the hundreds of millions that Illinois is already in the hole and proposes spending amounts for 2009 to be billions of dollars more than the 2008 fiscal year. I have no idea where this money is coming from (things like leasing the Illinois Lottery???? and borrowing money by selling general obligation pension bonds???) Meanwhile, things like financing social service agencies including the one i work for (the state owes my company alone over $8 million), as well as funding the CTA (trains and buses) in order for the working class to be able to have reliable, efficient transportation in this city...have been completely forgotten about. to be fair, the rest of the government hasn't done much to help, though senior citizens and people with disabilities can now ride free, but fair hikes for the rest of us go into effect some time in early 09 and the parking meters that he has decided to lease out to private companies, will surely increase in costs just to park downtown (though that was a Mayor Daley decision). overall, i feel like we keep paying more and more and getting less and less. i know this isn't isolated to just Illinois, or just Chicago, but i Do know that if nothing else, the respect, security and confidence we hold in our leaders is dwindling by the minute.

just a few things i've been thinking about. i'll save love and loss for another day...

oh, but just to come full circle...here's a delightful pic of my dog's crap. yes, it happened again, and we all know that if i had tried on purpose, i never would've been able to do the same thing twice.

my dog literally shit in my car today...

2008-11-27T00:41:00.001-06:00

i hate him...

look what i found from a few years ago???

2008-11-23T09:42:00.002-06:00

the quality is horrible as these are being filmed with a crappy camera....but it's still cool to see and remember!!

at the Morris house before they played a few new songs...the beginning of A Thousand Plateaus so it's actually still Spice Coyote

the Main reason we came to GR in February...to see Sigur Ros at Calvin!!!!

Ahh...i love you ladies:):)

every time.

2008-11-20T19:39:00.003-06:00

i swear, every time i finally admit that i like a guy, it's over. every time.

i hate boys. they make me lose all confidence and reason. every time.

a review of events...

2008-11-11T18:55:00.010-06:00

so...The week since the Election has been a busy and great one. Spending Election night in Chicago was truly something that i will never forget. the energy was unbelievable and i got to share it with some great friends at a fun bar. a few friends had headed out to Grant Park to see if it was worth hanging out at for the big night, but had a difficult time seeing anything but the top of the stage way down at the end of the park. Without tickets to get closer, it would have been difficult to even see TVs that would have given updates on the results, so we all decided to head over to a local bar for some Maker's Mark drinks (and classes that we took home) and a great time watching the country make history...a truly proud American moment!! along with some of the girlfriends, came a few friends from GR...
i think we had some fun...

that was Tuesday night...out til 3, work the next day, it was nuts.
Wednesday night
-hung out with DW and TJ, left to pic sis up from the airport and had a few more beers with the guys before we all called it a night.
Thursday
-Slept in, watched multiple episodes of the Daily show with Jon Stewart
-late breakfast/brunch/lunch at Nookies enjoying our cute (tho gay) waitor!
-i did some work, while we watched Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
-Dinner in OakPark with AM and K/R and kids at P.F. Chengs.
Friday
-more sleeping in, lounging
-more work at Caribou Coffee
-shopping downtown (H&M, Forever 21)
-dinner with AV at Halsted's and
-drinks at local bar--commenting on girl who shouldn't be wearing a certain shirt if she can't fit into it..
-another bar with a fantastic open-mic-night-singer/guitar player, meeting the locals both in side and outside the bar...
-late night pizza which included the near fistfight between a bunch of drunk guys...two of whom were kicked out before we were able to order...gotta love the effects of alcohol!!
Saturday
-oh yeah...went to bed at 3pm the night before and woke up at 5:15 to bring bro to the airport on his way to SABA to visit his girlfriend TH...the things we do for the people we love!!!
-went back home and slept in LATE...
-watched Greys'/Lipstick Jungle episodes online
-hungout and waited for AM to make it into town...and headed downtown for Chipotle dinner and a bus to take us to the United Center to see the Bulls play the Cavaliers...enjoyed watching LeBron James...yummy
-after the game we headed to Lakeview/DePaul area for some great wine and pumpkin/cheese cake...but not before getting pushed like cattle in the subway on the way out of the game...Sunday
-had to work...sis and AM went shopping after breakfast at my diner
-took a nap and headed out to Jewel to get some groceries for an easy dinner, which included roasting garlic, bacon, parsley, flour, noodles, cream...i think that was it...it made some seriously amazing mac and cheese...
-we had some difficulty finding a liquor store that was open after 6pm on Sunday, but were able to get some great wine...and with the wine, it was the greatest time i've had cooking in a Long time:):) one might even be Wisked Away with all the great skill used to reduce the cream by a 1/3. Eggs the next morning turned out to be egg-celent even...but AM isn't cheesy at all!!
-thanks to AM and another trip to Jewel, my apartment is fully equipped with a cork-screw, a 9x13 pan and a new cookie sheet
Monday
-made french toast out of dry italian bread for breakfast
-did some shopping in my neighborhood, found some Great sweaters, hats, art work, jeans, gloves all the good stuff
-had dinner at the Bar-Celona with $2 burgers and $2/$3 beers...yummy
-walked into another bar for drinks and got ID'd by a young guy who wasn't the bouncer...subsequently got laughed at by cute boys who thought it was funny...soon after we left..
-instead, we went to an Irish Pub with an authentically Irish bartender...a Great new find!
-tried to make cookies but didn't realize til after we started that we had used all of the eggs for breakfast
-fell asleep watching Guess Who? and headed to bed.
Tuesday
-slept in/watched Youtube videos
-bought boots. found better boots at 2nd store. returned original boots.
-lunch at great restaurant where we went over all of the events of the week and made list
-took sis to airport to say goodbye for another long time. had great conversations on the way there and before she went through security
she's such a hottie!!
i believe that i'll be in hibernation until thanksgiving!!...but it was all totally worth every minute!!

a day off..

2008-11-03T14:44:00.007-06:00

so i took the day off today. i don't get any time around Christmas/New Years, so i've been taking random days here and there to give myself 'vacation'. this weekend was kinda crazy so to have a few extra hours of relaxing is just what i needed. somehow things continue to surprise me, things get complicated, and fun and strange all at the same time. no complaints...just time needed for reflection and decisions on where to go from here. relationships/religion/morality/ethics/the overall meaning of life...it all gets bundled up together. vague enough?? haha...i thought so:)

a few weeks ago i was talking to a friend about the Chicago International Film festival that was going on that the time. i was mentioning a few of the movies i went to last year and the ones i went to this year. Last year i saw 3 films, one was a documentary of an Iraqi film student during the war, another was Lars and the Real girl..about the struggles of dealing with feelings that often overwhelm, and another movie was in subtitles about the Israeli war in the 80s. this year i saw Boy in the Stripped pajamas, a film about a German boy during WWII, and another film was about a woman in Sweden who struggled in a marriage with an alcoholic trying to support her 5 children. this friend of mine stated the obvious that all of the films i mentioned were really dark and heavy, not the feel good comedy fun type. it's true. they are kind of intense, and i guess i have the tendency to be pretty intense as well...not that i don't like having fun...a few pics below will show i'm up for a good time...but it's tru, i enjoy movies/discussions that are related to real life experiences and real life is intense at times. i seem to stay with my own thoughts about life that are pretty intense as well...

but in an attempt to Not be so intense...

yes, i went and got a spray tan...just for fun. a friend of mine works at a tanning salon and kept bugging me to come in and take advantage of any deal he could give me. as i don't like laying a frying in a tanning bed, i figured i'd give the spray tan a shot. now, he did it personally, it wasn't a machine like on Friends when Ross keeps getting sprayed on the same side...it was done pretty well, except my hands were pretty dark and blotchy...fun for the costume though. everyone i work with got a huge kick out of it!!! something i tried but won't do again probably! the halloween party was a blast though...it's so easy to talk to people...the costumes are great conversation starters!!

Cats or Dogs

2008-10-25T14:57:00.003-06:00

i've always considered myself a dog person...but i have to say i'm enjoying cats lately a lot more than i used to...mostly the ones that act more like dogs, but...still, they're adorable. and they can sit on your lap and purr and be all soft...
love it!!

no worries, my B-minator is still the only pet for me:)

life is never boring for too long...

2008-10-08T17:09:00.016-06:00

i was in a small car accident last night. my poor car is a mess again. it was raining, it was dark and i had just stopped at a stop sign about 4 blocks from my apartment. i looked in my rear-view mirror and realized the SUV behind me was coming way too quickly and was way too close. he rear ended my car, and ruined my back bumper. i can barely open or close my trunk. so i'm at it again with the insurance and the estimates and the planning on getting a rental or taking the el for a few days. the nice thing is i'm on the better side of the insurance claim this time, as it wasn't my fault at all. problem is, the whiplash was kind of bad and i'm sore everywhere from my head down my neck/shoulders/upper back. i went to the Dr today to make sure i got checked out and she said it may get worse before it gets better. i'm currently laying on my couch with a heating pad, which is a god-send. Dr gave me a script for physical therapy if things get worse, though i'm Really hoping this is only an extra precaution. problem is, i was so flustered/pissed off/in shock, that i only got the guy's business card. and when i called him today for more info, i had to leave a message. i'm hoping he's legit and will call me back. i'm sad for my car, and the hassle this will be, but really, i'd like things to just be quiet for a while. i have a lot going on this month, and car trouble was Not on my list of things to have to deal with. that's life i guess.

also i've been meaning to dedicate a blog to each of these events because they were both really soo good. the first is really one of my favorite nights ever! i finally got to see Stars live and it was better than i was even expecting it to be. even though bands rarely play the songs you love exactly how you love them, it was truly amazing. AV and JS came all the way to Chicago from GR to join myself, DW and RR for the show. Rachael Yamagata was the second concert i've been wanting to go to for years. she was also great live and she sang one of her new songs Elephant acappella and you could literally hear a pin drop. i got goose bumps.

Waiting for the show to start...JS couldn't look any less excited...but the rest of us knew better!!
So great to share this concert with my bro...who definitely takes all credit for introducing me to this fabulous band!!
what's so funny AV??
and they're on...OMG they're amazing!!!

and some Rachael Yamagata...
oh, and some pics from a goodbye party for HK...oh how we will miss him...but wish him all the best!!

a few words...

2008-10-03T06:13:00.000-06:00

she's making this too easy...

2008-09-28T14:48:00.002-06:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

i've heard a clip on NPR of Palin answering a question about why she feels she's qualified to be the VP. All she said was that she's qualified. and as the questioner repeatedly asked for specifics, in her answer she replied, if you want specifics as to why i'm prepared, just ask me, but i am prepared. UM...YOU WERE JUST ASKED.

at this rate she'll give SNL enough material for hundreds of skits ...

both Palin and McCain continue to skirt around issues, using cliches and 'feel good' phrases, which are all well and good, but until you start being able to verbalize how you're going to do that, showing that they actually understand the problems of these issues and knowing how to address them, instead of being vague and just telling people what they think they want to hear...then i will take them more seriously as competant competitors in the presidential race.

when talking about Veterans, McCain talked about how he is a veteran and so he loves all Veterans, and so therefore will, and i quote, "guarantee" that they receive better health care. Obama talked about them struggling with PTSD which needs to be adressed and hasn't been, along with physical rehab, etc. That shows me that Obama knows what's going on, and isn't just blowing smoke up my @$$. Not that McCain doesn't know about PTSD, but if he doesn't recognize it as a major problem that needs to be addressed...how is he going to "guarantee" that appropriate care is provided for them.

ok, i won't keep going. but i will say this. i feel that Obama is very wise and is honest, even if it's difficult. His comment about picking Biden was that he didn't want someone who was going to be a 'yes' man, but someone that would challenge him to make the right decisions. i feel that McCain is just trying to say what he thinks he has to in order to win, and frankly, his history in the Military doesn't prove to me that he'd be a better president, and his choice of VP actually proves to me that his decision making skills/judgement are questionable (and that's saying it nicely).

ok i'm done.

the results of my laziness

2008-09-22T21:26:00.004-06:00

in the back of my apartment building is an alley...and it's not a great place to walk my dog and provide him with ample grass for 'him to poop on'. so i always take him out in the front of my building in the morning and afterwork. The problem is, the garbage is in the back of the building, but i'm LAZY and don't want to walk all the way around my building (which is all the way around a block's worth of buildings because there's no space between each building/house)..so once my dog has done his 'business', i take the bag of poop, walk through the basement of my building to the back and climb the three flights of stairs, and when at the top, i throw the poop bag, aiming away from the parked cars and as close to the garbage as possible...which i consequently place into the garbage can when i leave for work. the extra 10 feet it would take me to just put the bag in the garbage in the first place, then having to open the locked door again is just too much time wasted. unfortunately, sometimes my aim is a little off...
the green bag of poop literally landed on the wire between my building and the pole behind it. i couldn't do that i if i tried a million times. sadly, even in the windy city the bag hasn't been blown to the ground yet. one can only hope to Not be walking under it when it finally gives way. it is a biodegradable bag after all...and so are it's contents.

Office Anonymous

2008-09-18T18:16:00.000-06:00

it turns out that i may be in need of a 12 step program to deal with my current 'Office' addiction. See, it all started a few months ago when i watched all of season 4 online (when it was all online on http://www.nbc/) in about two days and i realized i had been missing a treasure and didn't know how i'd make it til the next season to figure out if Jim proposes to Pam or if she ends up going to school in NYC and leaving him. What i had wrongly thought was boring proved to be an amazing show of artistic and comedic writing as well as impressive and clever acting. Steve Carell is truly good at what he does! It worsened when a good friend of mine RR lent me the 2nd season of the Office when i was sick and i did nothing but watch the episodes over and over. Literally. Like i'd watch 4/5 episodes at night, and sometimes, if i fell asleep during an episode at night, i'd actually watch it again in the morning. I was even late to work on occassion for having to finish an episode. I think i watched the season finale about 8 times. Yesterday i reluctantly gave RR her dvd's back and came home today with an oddly quiet feeling in my apartment. though somehow i feel better because it's Thursday and there should be a rerun on NBC tonight, so i'll get a small dose of the Jim/Pam, Michael/Jan, Dwight/Angela, Ryan/Kelly drama that i've been missing. i may or may not have been relieved when a friend's offer to hang out Thursday or Saturday became a for sure Saturday plan, and i may or may not have had a dream involving one or more of the show's characters. I may or may not be living vicariously through the lives of everyone on the show...or perhaps one lucky girl...

i may or may not have seen almost every Youtube clip with either John Krazinski or Steve Carell in them...

i think all the signs are there, i'm addicted. My name is Reshae and i"m an Office Addict. and guess what...next week, the next season starts. i'm sooo freakin excited...

SNL clip...a must see

2008-09-14T15:31:00.001-06:00

i don't want to be her but i totally am...

2008-09-13T21:38:00.002-06:00

Scene VI – The Car Ride (from Before Sunset with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy)

Location notes: Quai Henri IV is located on the Right Bank just west of Pont d’Austerlitz.

Jesse: Glad somebody does. Now, this is better than the Metro, right?

Céline: Definitely!

(The camera cuts ahead of the car, leading it as it pulls onto the main road. The conversation continues.)

Céline: I was thinking...for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. (Cut to interior of the car.) It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... there were no real...connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it...is it really that bad? It's not, right?

Céline: (Shaking her head with eyes nearly watering.) You know...it's not even that. I was...I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and…

Jesse: (Smiling sympathetically.) Oh God. (Rubs his face with both hands.)

Céline: …and that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: (Pointing at himself.) I think I'm one of those guys.

Céline: (Yelling.) You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn't they ask ME to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

Jesse: (Sheepishly.) Can I talk?

Céline: (Speaking more quietly.) You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

Jesse: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...

Céline: (Interrupting.) OK, you know what? (Moving her fingers to mock the movement of Jesse’s mouth as he speaks.) Those are words! I've gotta...I've gotta get away from you. (To Philippe.) Stop the car, I want to get out!

Jesse: No, no, no, don't...don't get out.

Céline: You know, it's being around you...

Jesse: Keep talking...

Céline: (Jesse grabs her arm) Don't touch me! (Slaps his hand.) You know, I wanna get on a cab...

(To Philippe.) Monsieur! Arretez-vous! Non, non, c'est bon, au feu la! Juste au feu, au coin, il y a un metro meme! Je veux prendre le metro. (Sir, please stop! No, no, it’s okay, at the next traffic light, at the corner, there is even a metro! I want to take the metro.)

Jesse: (To Philippe) No, no, no, keep going... (To Céline) No, listen, I'm just so happy... (To Philippe) Thank you, just keep going...(To Céline.) Alright. Look, I am just so happy, alright...to be with you. I am. I'm so glad you didn’t forget about me. OK.

Céline: No, I didn't...and it pisses me off, OK? You come here to Paris, all romantic, and married, OK? Screw you! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you or anything. I mean, all I need is married man! There's been so much water under the bridge, it's...it's not even about you anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone, I don't know!

Jesse: You...you say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex. So...

Céline: (Flatly, with resignation.) Of course I remembered.

Jesse: (Confused.) You did?

Céline: Yes! Women pretend things like that. I don’t know…(Laughs.)

Jesse: (Still confused.) They do?

Céline: Yeah, what was I supposed to say? That I remember the wine in the park and...us looking up at the stars fading away as the sun came up? We had sex TWICE (claps her hands), you idiot!

Jesse: Alright, you know what? I'm just...happy to see you, even if...you've become an angry, manic depressive activist. I still like you! I still enjoy being around you!

(Reaches out to touch her face, but pulls his hand back quickly, before she notices.)

Céline: And I feel the same. (Laughing.) I'm...I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I just...I had to let it all out. I...

Jesse: Don't worry about it.

Céline: I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter, I'm just...uh…

Jesse: You think you're the one dying inside? My life is twenty four-seven...BAD.

Céline: I'm sorry.

Jesse: No, no, no...I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son. I've been to marriage counseling, I've done things I never thought I would have to do. I lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie...

Céline: Did the candles help?

Jesse: HELL. NO. (Plaintively.) Alright, I don’t love her the way she needs to be loved, and...I don't even see a future for us. But then I look at...at my little boy, sitting at the table across from me, and I think I would have suffered any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life. You know, I don't wanna miss out on one. But then...there's no joy, or laughter, in my home. You know, and I don't want him growing up in that!

Céline: Oh, no laughter? That's terrible. My parents have been together for 35 years and even when they have a bad fight they end up laughing like crazy.

Jesse: I just...I don't wanna be one of those people who are...getting divorced at 52 and falling down into tears admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel that their life has been (waves his hand, as if being pulled) sucked up into a vacuum cleaner! You know, I want a great life. I want her to have a great life. She deserves that! Alright? But we're just living in a pretense of a marriage, responsibility and all these...just...ideas of how people are supposed to live. Then I...I have these dreams...

Céline: What dreams?

Jesse: (Looks away distantly.) I have these dreams, you know, that I’m…I'm standing on a platform, and uh, you keep going by on a train, and...you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know? And then I have this other dream, oh...where you're...pregnant, in bed beside me, naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to and then you look away and...and I...I...I touch you anyway, right on your ankle and your skin is so soft and I wake up in sobs, alright? (Inhales deeply.) And my wife is sitting there looking at me, and I feel like I'm a million miles from her, and I know that there's something...wrong! (Céline reaches out to stroke Jesse’s face, but pulls her hand back before he sees her.) You know, that I ca...that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment. But then I think that...I might have given up...on the whole idea of romantic love. That I...I might have put it to bed that...that day when you weren't there. You know, I think I might have done that.

Céline: (Eyes starting to water again.) Why are you telling me all this?

Jesse: I'm sorry. I don't know, I'm...I...I should...I...I shouldn't have.

Céline: You know, it's so weird...that people think they are the only one going through tough times. I mean when I read the article I thought...your life was perfect. A wife, a kid, a published author. (Jesse laughs.) Your personal life is more of a mess than mine! I'm sorry! (Both laugh.)

Jesse: Well...I'm glad it's good for something.

Céline: (To Philippe.) Oh, monsieur, c'est la! Rentrez dans la passe la. (Sir, this is it. Pull into the alley right there.)

(Camera cuts to exterior of the car pulling into the driveway of Céline’s apartment.)

Redbull Flugtag 2008

2008-09-07T14:35:00.007-06:00

a perfect weekend with my bro and a few friends...and a really wacky yet entertaining event with perfect weather and sights of the city...here are a few pics of the redbull Flugtag event. we didn't get to stay the whole time, but it was fun none-the-less! (Feel free to click on the pics to make them bigger and easier to see)

a gorgeous view of the city from the pier on North Ave beach...boats were beginning to congregate for the event...
this is the north side of the pier at North Ave beach...Castaways is in the back sort of on the left...
And this was the contraption that the flying objects were going to 'fly' off of within an hour of our arrival. the life guard was looking over us all and performing his duties well...

First up was the plane from the Cubs....the people in blue were wearing huge baseballs on their heads.their plane didn't fly far at all...
Next were the smurfs...
their 'plane' didn't go Anywhere...
then there were some guys from Iowa who's slogan was 'go schuck yourself'... i don't know how the driver was still alive, he landed just after the plane hit the water and he crashed right into it...
next was some group that had a hotdog plane. it was bottom heavy and died the second it left the runway...
these guys actually caught some air and i think got nearly 120 feet...
this was essentially a handglider...
overall, a fabulous and very entertaining time...!!

paper airplanes on steroids and LSD

2008-09-02T20:02:00.005-06:00

So, i'll be attending an Annual RedBull Flugtag (flying day) event on saturday...and i'm so excited. i remember seeing commercials for the event but didn't actually know it was real, or that it was going to be held at North Ave Beach in Chicago, the same beach i saw the AVP tournament last summer and where i frequently play beach volleyball. i'm totally stoked...and don't you worry, plenty of pics will be posted to show how interesting, and crazy people are sometimes...the idea is that people can win the competition by creating the most interesting flying air craft, pushing it off a 30 foot cliff and having it stay in the air the longest. the contraptions people have come up with are very individual, interesting and totally fun to watch...also, all their hard work is ruined the minute their aircraft lands in the water...it'll be great!!

check these out to help explain...

redbull flugtag 2008 Chicago

reality check

2008-08-28T12:56:00.003-06:00

so. it turns out i'm not a superhero. turns out i'm not invincible and that i too have my limits. i like to think that i can just pile on thing after thing, work load after work load, event after event, and i'll just keep truckin...however. this is not the case. my body is yelling at me to stop and chill the 'F' out already.

i also thought i had a pretty effective way of coping with stress and adversity. turns out that's not true either. turns out the stress i put myself through, or that i find myself experiencing...or...or...doesn't like me either, and has become a co-conspirator with my body...working hard against me.

the problem is. not being able to keep going and working hard like i always do puts me behind, which adds more stress, which adds more physical problems and issues to deal with, and it's just this crazy cycle that seems to never stop.

i need to learn to practice what i preach to my clients. take one day at a time. i have to learn to not sweat the little stuff and to enjoy the good stuff. i need to stop losing sleep and precious relaxation time with lists and more lists of things that need to get done at work. i need to leave work at work, and let relaxing be relaxing. i Have to. cause my body has already told me that if i don't, things won't get better. and they Have to get better.

so. even though i think i have ways to de-stress, i have to find new, more effective ways. do i need to take a kick-boxing class? do i need to journal more? do i need to jump out of an airplane with a parachute for some serious cathartic release?? probably...but i don't think i'm going to in the near future. i need to learn how to turn my brain off sometimes, to remember that the best i can give Has to be good enough and to let the rest go.

oh so hard to do...oh so hard to do.

too bad my physical and mental sanity is hanging by the thread of my stress-coping abilities. this is all a little scary...and stressful...

the end of another season...

2008-08-26T15:06:00.003-06:00

so, strangely, i seem to have internet sometimes again. which is good and i'm not complaining. but if any site takes a few minutes to load, i'm screwed and can't do it, as the connection isn't good most of the time. i have, however, been able to check the weather online two mornings in a row now...it's so exciting.

i'm actually home from work early today...and unfortunate and frustrating physical thing but i'm hoping to be on the mend shortly. meanwhile, as i'm trying to keep my mind of some of the pain...i figured i'd take advantage of this internet and post a few pics from my trip to Iowa. Now, if you have an account on facebook, these will not be new, at least some of them won't. but for those who might be interested...here goes.

ok, scratch that, it takes like 20 min to upload one photo..it'll have to be another time. in the mean time, being home at this hour in a quiet apartment allows for some reflection, some reading and a realization that there's a really annoying dog down the hall that won't stop chirping his little bark at being alone in his apartment and therefore being mad a the world. urgh.

i'm sad i'm sick though cause i have to miss the last Movie in the Park downtown, as the summer is closing and Grease, the finale, is to be underway in a few short hours. i only made it to about three of the movies this summer. and i lament missing Grease. Last year's finale was the Sound of Music and it was great...i'm sure tonight there will be no shortage of crowd involvement and sing-a-longs for every song, including dancing around and saying all the lines word-for-word.
i can see john travolta now...

Well this car is systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic
Why, it could be Greased Lightnin'!
We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah
Keep talkin', whoah keep talkin'!
Fuel injection cut off and chrome plated rods, oh yeah
I'll get her ready, I need to get her ready!
With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waitin' at the door
You know that ain't shit when we'll be gettin' lots of tit
Greased Lightnin'
Go, Greased Lightnin'
You're burnin' up the quarter mile
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'
Go Greased Lightnin'
You're coasting through the heat lap trails
Greased Lightnin', go Greased Lightnin'
You are supreme
The chicks'll cream
For Greased Lightnin'
Go go go go go go go go

ahh..good times.

damn that dog is annoying..

i'm out..

i'm in love!!

2008-08-20T16:48:00.003-06:00

ok, so i never really have enjoyed Comic's that are turned into movies, or anything like them. i've never liked spiderman, superman, or batman. i've seen some of the movies, and missed most of the rest. i've enjoyed Val Kilmer and George Clooney as Batman, but don't remember anything of the movies themselves. Christian Bale is hot and so i watched the last Batman movie Batman Begins, but honestly didn't enjoy it at all. So when i heard there were tickets to Dark Night i decided i'd go, mostly because of Heath Ledger. i got to see it at the Imax at Navy Pier and OMG...this movie is Freakin-fantastic. seeing it in that theatre, and seriously, the plot i thought was clever, Heath Ledger is stunningly amazing, and i like Maggie Gyllenhaal Soooooo much better than Katie Holmes, which i thought was Horrible in the last film. the Entire movie is Chicago...it's crazy. the whole time i recognize buildings, streets, skylines. it's awesome. every time they're driving it's on streets i know and at one point there's stand still traffic right on Wacker Dr and the canal...it's amazing.

now i hope this overdone enthusiasm doesn't ruin the movie for anyone else. most of the time when i'm expecting fireworks from a film, i'm disappointed, but seriously, it's a great film and it being in Chicago is just icing on the cake. though i have to say Heath Ledger makes the film. it's great!! go see it!!

this trailor doesn't do it justice...

who ever says having a dog isn't like having a kid...they're wrong...

2008-08-18T21:00:00.003-06:00

i find it weird to decide what to write about when i'm not sure when i can post again...i have to make it good cause it's gonna last...lol....i'm so weird! oh, and no promises here that this will be good...

anyways, i figured i'd update the web on what i've been telling everyone else about lately...my dog. turns out, dog's eating tuna salad sandwiches from subway isn't very good for their stomachs, or for their owner's hardwood floors, or carpets, or their sleeping patterns. it's not good for digestion, for stomach pain, or for general sanity.

yes, i finally gave in and bought a foot long sub instead of just a 6 inch (which really is only like 4 inches these days) for $5 and i figured i'd eat the second half of the sandwich on the second day. the problem with that of course, is remembering to bring the sandwich with me to work, instead of taking it out of the fridge and leaving it on the kitchen counter. 5 minutes later on the way to work, i remembered the sandwich, and knew that it had already been eaten. and true to Brayson form, i returned home at the end of the day to have the plastic and paper wrapper in pieces all over my apartment floor, and there was nothing even remotely resembling a sandwich left. at first, no bad signs of strangeness coming out the other end of him, but two days later, another story began. one day i came home to (without getting too nasty) both diarrhea and vomit all over the apartment. the unfortunate thing was that he had also vomited on his bed, which had slid under My bed, and i didn't find it until 45 minutes later, when i thought i had everything cleaned up but couldn't get rid of the horrible smell. once it was found, the bed was thrown away...no use in trying to clean it. i was hoping the worst was over, but it wasn't. the next night, he woke me up at 3:45am with a few barks, a clear plea to take him outside. (unfortunately i hadn't woken up from his repeated panting, and he had already pooped in the apartment, thank goodness he barked to wake me up..or else...) so at 4am i cooked ground beef, mixed it with cottage cheese and gave it to him, hoping it would help sooth his stomach. unfortunately it didn't kick in right away, and he woke me up again at 6 and then 7:30 on a morning that was the first in a few weeks that i was supposed to be able to sleep in...soooo annoying. that was the worst of it though, and it seems that after a few more servings of beef/cottage cheese, his stomach has finally settled down.

today, however, we came in after a short walk and i realized that he had been licking his front paw for about 5 minutes. he sometimes does that a bit to 'clean' himself after peeing on a leg or something, but this was unusually long. turns out, he broke the nail that is up on the side of his leg and it was bleeding. i didnt' see him do anything that could have resulted in it breaking, but i know it really hurts him. i currently have it wrapped in make-shift-getto bandages, a little toilet paper wrapped in tape...and he looks funny. he also hates me for putting it on him, and for about a half hour, literally sat with his back to me, sometimes turning his head to glare at me...then he'd walk around, awkwardly pawing the air to figure out how to get it off...he's truly priceless!!

oh Brayson, oh Brayson, what Would i do without you?:)

he hates me sooo much right now...lol

bare necessities

2008-08-14T09:58:00.002-06:00

so. i got rid of my internet when i moved into my new apartment because i was able to connect to someone else's wireless internet service. that service is no longer available and i feel like i'm living with out electricity. is it tru that things like the internet and our cell phones have become as necessary to our wellbeing and sanity as having electricity and running water? i got rid of the internet to save some money, and i'd really like to think that i can live without it. but it's so much harder than i thought it would be. i feel so disconnected from society when i can't check my email 8 times a day, or write a post whenever i want, or check out a location of a local bar or grocery store quick before i leave, or do my billing online without having to frequent a local coffee shop. i don't drink coffee and so i really have no need to go all the time except for the internet. the independent coffee shop i like to go to takes about 15 min to walk to, and though that's not that bad, after a long day of work, i don't always want to go... plus, if i have to buy a beverage every time i go, i'm not really saving money that could go toward's consistent and reliable internet service that i can get from my own apartment. unfortunately, to get internet you have to get internet either with a phone line or with cable and i don't want either one. getting internet on it's own costs almost the same as getting both cable and internet, which is what i just had and got rid of. what to do what to do.

is the internet the new electricity? can we live in this world without it?? i'm kind of realizing that it's near impossible.

oh and on another note...the gymnastics finals in the Olympics are amazing and so exciting to watch...i'm so excited to see the women's finals tonight. though it was rough for the men last night...so many falls and possible injuries...frustrating for everyone who's worked soo hard and could probably do their routines in their sleep. I guess that separates the good from the great by those who can handle the pressure and those who just can't. great stuff!!!

i survived Iowa!!

2008-08-09T16:40:00.002-06:00

over all, i haven't even begun to process the trip to Iowa to help rebuild a few houses that were effected by the floods in early June...here are a few You Tube clips to help fill you in. they (whoever They is) predicted that waters would rise 25 feet above normal river level...it rose 32 feet above, a whole 7 feet more than they had prepared for. that's almost another floor in anyone's house.

on this second clip, the bridge the car is driving on is the top of a double bridge. the one underneath it was covered, and the white building was on an island which has been completely covered with water. there are small ripples in the water (it's moving a bit fast and somewhat hard to see) but they were the hand rails from other bridges that people usually drive on all the time. The one bridge with the train on it, they had filled the train with rocks to try to hold the bridge from collapsing from the water current. soon after it fell as well.

these videos don't do this justice though. one good thing is that the town is hilly and so not everyone was effected, (and it wasn't as bad as New Orleans as the water decreased after a few days)and it also makes some things look like the flood wasn't that bad. however, the Czech part of town, which is mostly of low-income people, wasn't in these videos, and it was hit the hardest. there were water lines we could see which varied from a few feet up a wall to 12-15 feet up the side of houses. in both cases, water was in all the basement and completely destroyed everything on the first floor. also, as the one video showed there were a few chemical plants that were flooded, and so, along with a sewage system that was destroyed, people not only had to clean up human waste, but also chemical waste was all through their homes.

i'll write more later, but my computer is running out of battery and i'm in a coffee shop without my power chord.

a long time

2008-07-31T21:53:00.002-06:00

so it's been a while. mainly due to the fact that since i cancelled my comcast (yes i go against their current sloggan that you'll do Anything but give up your Comcast) i've been bumbing internet off of someone who has named their account "Sophie". Sophie has only been available, however, later in the evenings as of late, and i usually just haven't been in the mood. i've been somewhat under the weather for an unusually long time, and i've been lazy.

however, on saturday i leave for a mission trip, yes i said mission trip, to Iowa to help some people who lost their posessions in the spring flood. i was going back and forth about going or not...and decided that i didn't want to miss an opportunity to sleep on a church floor for a week, ruin a few pairs of pants and help some people who have been through a significant unfortunate tragedy. Somewhat afraid this will be a little 'churchy'...seeing as i'm going with a church group, and meeting with other church members, i figured, the greater good is my focus and i'll try to do the best i can. for those who may be a little confused..i've been somewhat 'anti-church' for the last...oh...4 years as i work through what i've too often found to be frustrating hipocracies and ...ohh i better stop before i get myself in trouble. however i'm completely aware that as this is My blog, i should be, and am, allowed to not worry about getting myself into trouble. even in cyberspace i worry of what others may think...

but i digress.

ok. so i'm going to Iowa for a week. i still feel like it's a bit junior highschool. but i never did a 'mission' trip when i was in junior high, or high school for that matter, and again...this is to do good for other people...nothing more.

ok. i'm done.

i have the next 8 days off...

2008-07-21T09:56:00.002-06:00

and i'm so excited i don't know where to start!!! time to clean, time to sleep, time to do laundry, time to do nothing, time to go to coffee shops and window shop and....anything..time to visit friends and family...

time to NOT THINK ABOUT WORK!!!

sad reality...

2008-07-14T19:19:00.006-06:00

so i won the fight about wearing my nose stud while working at the restaurant. and i got a really great 4th of july weekend off out of the fight, which was fabulous.

yesterday, a family reunion decided to come the restaurant right before i was supposed to clock out. so i stayed to help out. 40 people ate, were picky eaters, didn't answer questions when asked and acted like we were stupid. all together, they left $9 tip to the other waitress. i got none.

how do people go to a restaurant and have the gall to not tip their servers. they come in, loud, obnoxious, ungrateful, cheap...i was speechless for like 15 minutes. then i was just pissed off.

the sad thing is. i've NOT wanted to say this for a Long time. when i started serving, other servers made comments about certain people who didn't tip well. i pretended like it wasn't true, and tried to not assume bad tips from certain people i waited on. you never know how people will tip you, so treat everyone the same, and hope for the best. but i soon started learning that the other servers were right. Elderly and african americans are usually bad at tipping well. yes i said it. and typed it even. does this make me a bad person? um. it makes me honest to my experiences in the restaurant world. and let me state, that i'm well aware that not every old person, or every black person is a bad tipper, but sadly, more often than not, they are bad tippers, and it's frustrating. especially if you're staying late to help out, you're running around like you're crazy to make your customers happy, and you get nothing to show for it. NOT A THING. i seriously don't know how people can do that. seriously.and NOTE: this group was not elderly.

anyways. another day on the job i guess.

Garrison Keilor...Prairie Home Companion in Ravinia...

2008-07-10T16:40:00.009-06:00

live broadcast of classic Garrison Keilor...in the park of Ravinia...it was great!!
we couldn't even see the stage so not sure what we were looking at...i believe we were singing the national anthem...
and other various 4th of July patriotic songs...(appropriate for a park, but not for church...)
a few people i don't know but were really nice...
a guy in pink...and me
good times good times...

oh, and i Love this song:) i can't help but dance whenever it comes on...

childhood lessons

2008-07-06T17:22:00.003-06:00

many people learn a valuable lesson when they are very young...regarding not touching hot stoves. we learned this probably because we touched a hot stove once, it hurt like hell, we got burned, and we had the common sense to remember to stay away next time and be careful.

some people learn similar lessons in life, learn from experiences and move on making changes the next time placed in a similar situation.

somehow, however, i'm ' ' this close to being exactly in the same place as i was almost a year ago...burned and feeling foolish. why is it that certain people have the ability to throw all your reason out the window? and i know that within weeks, i'll be that same burned fool because i see it before me and i have done nothing to stop it, nor do i think i want to or plan to. i won't stay away from that hot stove.

call it eternal optimism, call it 'giving it a chance', call it desperate, call it whatever it seems most likely to be...

for the record. i didn't seek this out, it just happened...again.

i'm better than this. and i deserve better than this.

and yet...so it goes.

"And that is you in front of me
And you are back for even more of exactly the same
Well are you a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg?"
- Frightened Rabbit (The Midnight Organ Fight)

turns out i just might be that masochist...falling just short of the actual love thing.

i scream for ice cream...

2008-07-02T18:39:00.002-06:00

sometimes work is hard.
sometimes clients get sick.
sometimes they need help they don't want.
sometimes 'tough love' is hard.

sometimes i just want some ice cream.

i just might get myself fired yet...

2008-06-26T19:31:00.003-06:00

so, i know that talking about work is a huge no-no but...

the restaurant. the dreaded, most complained about restaurant ever...continues to be the bane of my existence. However, i have to say, after sunday, i hold my head a little higher. a few weeks ago, after they hired a girl who had three facial percings, management decided to make it a rule that the facial piercings/rings/studs had to be covered or taken out. This said waitress quit because she wasn't going to take them out nor was she going to serve food with bandaids all over her face. however, even though she quit, myself and two other servers, who have piercings, had to wear bandaids. i have to say, i was so livid that i wore it just because i couldn't come up with the words to yell at my boss. and of course, that particular morning, cute guys kept being sat in my section...oh the irony, and sadness. i had come in that morning, completely caught off guard because i have been working there for a year and a half and other than the first time the old owners saw my nose piercing, they said i had to cover it, but i didnt' and they never said another word. the new owners have never dared say anything before. i was so surprised and mad i didn't know what to do. however, this past sunday (which is about 5 shifts after the first time they said to put a bandaid on , which really is rediculous b/c if you're going to make a rule, at least be consistent...but that's another of the Many issues i have with this place). anyways...i walked in and started getting ready for my shift and the hostess came over and told me i had to put on another bandaid or take my stud out, which, frankly isn't going to happen. it hurts like hell. so i said i don't have a bandaid and walked away. a few minutes later, she calls me over and holds up this bandaid which would probably cover a knife wound. i looked at her and laughed. i said "I'm NOT putting that on my face". she replies..."well, you have to cover your nose stud and this is all we have'. i looked at her again and i said "i'm NOT putting that on my face". and i walked away to keep SERVING MY TABLES. seeing as that's actually important for my job. i know the hostess is getting pissed because she's just the unfortunate messenger of my boss who isn't there, but still wants to have his rules followed. and yes, it was easier to say no to her, than to him, but with the presenting problem, i wasn't going to budge. i realized that i'd be sent home for not following the rules, and i was thinking this just might be the kick in the ass i need to really get out of this place. i've applied to a few other places and could potentially find another job if i had the time on the weekends not spent actually working at this job. i ignored the hostess for a while and kept serving my tables. a while later she called me over again and gave me a small bandaid. i took it and walked away, but knew i'd rather quit than give in and look like an idiot over something soo stupid. She came to the back a few minutes later to tell me to put on the bandaid. i told her again that i wasn't going to do it. she said, well you have to because ___told you you have to. i said i'm not putting it on, and if that meant i'd be sent home, then i would go home. she said ok, then you have to go home. i said fine. the other two servers with piercings were listening to all of this. one girl could take hers out, but the other woman didn't want to either. and she decided that 'we servers need to stick together, and if you leave, reshae, then i'll walk right out with you'. i told her i don't care what she does, but i'm not putting on the bandaid. a few minutes later the server that was going to 'go down with me' came in the back and said that i don't have to go home, but that ____is coming later and to talk to him when he gets here. i knew it. i was calling his bluff. and it felt great!! and not to sound cocky, but he gets nothing but positives about me from the customers, he's commented on how hard i work and i never take smoke breakes...blah blah blah. he's not going to fire me, or send me home. so he comes in later, and as things slow down in the restaurant after the lunch rush, he calls me over and starts going on about how it's nothing against the piercings, but it all has to do with health codes. i gave him my shpeal about how it's more unsanitary if bandaids are falling into the food...blah blah, and i get compliments all the time on the nose stud and it's actually bad for business if we look rediculous with bandaids all over our faces, reminding him that it's not state law to have them covered and so i wasn't going to do it. he backed down and said that he'd look into it more and double check the rules. hahahahahahahahaha. so, i completely stood up to him and didn't get sent hom. but i did go apply to another restaurant on my way home that day. i have to follow up yet. and the funny thing is, everyone else was like...wowww, i can't believe you did that...lol. it's not very characteristic of me, at all, to stand up to my authorities like that, but i had had enough...

wrigley field

2008-06-21T14:28:00.008-06:00

i now live 2 blocks from the Cubs home stadium...and i have to say, it's pretty sweet! i'm slowly forgetting my ties to the american league and the Chicago White Sox. THose ties are being replaced with excitement over a Cubs win, even against the White Sox. sad? maybe. i find myself more of a Cubs fan against my regular urge to route for the underdog...and that underdog being defined as the White Sox in VERY much Cubs territory. the north side of the city is almost cult-like in their devotion to the Cubs and when i first moved here, i realized quickly that one has to choose their words carefully when pledging allegiance to a team other than the Cubs themselves. my story is nearly always the same: i grew up loving the Toronto Blue Jays, and therefore, knew the American League better than the National league. the most i knew of the Cubs was that they never made it to the World Series because they always sucked. however, in my becoming a Chicago-an, i fulfilled my goals last summer to attend both a White Sox and a Cubs game, (and i threw the Bulls in there too) and the Cubs game was something i will never forget. I felt i had gone back in time when people lived and breathed baseball, everyone new every player and every statistic possible and they were blood fans. The WhiteSox game was nothing more than a nice afternoon on a nice summer day. Wrigley Field gets intense, and it's fans are hard core. it's kind of intriguing, and sucks you right in!!! however, i still have yet to purchase any merchandice from either team. though there's a Soriano jersey i've been eye-ing at Sports Authority.

a few weeks ago i went with some friends to the Cubs game. which i Walked to, and then Walked home from. it was fabulous!!
But don't fret, i'll always be a Blue Jay...even if another Joe Carter doesn't ever save the day in the bottom of the ninth, game 6 of the World Series, coming back from behind with a three-run homerun...oh...those ties will never die!! i can see it as if it was yesterday!!

a lot of time on my hands

2008-06-05T19:43:00.009-06:00

so just to clarify, i've had the last few days off, minus today, which is partly why i feel like i've posted every little detail that has happened to me over my moving-extravaganza. i've had a lot of time on my hands, and a lot of people who weren't here to be a part of this big change in my life that have been wonderful enough to want to know what happened. For all of the others that don't really care that much...well...oh well.

this is probably it for a minute...as work returns to my life and things get back to normal...for a while anyways..

so i finally took some picks of my apartment. i got this sweet-@ss lamp thing for free from a friend who's boss was moving and giving stuff away. the pics didn't turn out as well as it looks hanging from my ceiling...a feat i must admit i'm proud of. this light fixture, if you will, is supposed to be placed in a light socket...but i have two fans and no where to hang this great lamp/thing. so, as i do...i fixed it so it works. but not before i almost electrocuted myself.

so without further ado
um that closet still needs to be organized. when you walk in...on the right is the bathroom

so that's it ladies and gentlemen...hope you like!! i think i do!!

the last two days.

2008-06-03T13:02:00.010-06:00

you know when you needed a new couch when...

Salvation army throws it in the trash...yep...i went back last night to donate a few bags of clothes i forgot about and i saw my couch in the trash pile. it May have had something to do with the fact that i forgot to bring the 3 inch legs of the couch with me in my rushing around when i dropped it off on Saturday and so the couch looked even more pathetic on the ground...but, still...it was in the trash. love it.

doggie therapy...

my dog tried to commit suicide when i left to do laundry this morning. i, like an idiot, left the windows open and left to go to the basement to put in a much-needed load of laundry. i returned thinking that everything had gone well...and then a few minutes later i found this:

good thing he didn't jump. and though i don't think he'd rather die than live without me (i'm not That self-absorbed), i think he panics and tries to get out to not be alone...either way tho, he owes me Another screen.

Reshae the handy-man ...woman...whatever..

so, a few years ago i bought this fabulous armoire from salvation army for $99 that was probably purchased from Pier One Imports long ago from some nice/donating rich people with good taste. the problem is, even if it was made as a TV cabinet, it was made poorly, even though as a cabinet and bookshelf it couldn't be better. it's not very deep and the tv didn't fit as i have a massive flat-screen that is nearly 2 feet deep...well not really, but almost. anyways. i now live in an apartment that doesn't involve room for a bookshelf/armoire And a TV stand. and so i decided to figure out a way to fit my TV in the cabinet anyways. and so i did...

First i placed the cabinet on it's front so i could cut a hole in the back...
Then i measured out a 13" by 13" square in the middle of the back...
Then i used this nifty saw i bought at Home Depot last night and after nailing a few holes in line with the hole i wanted for a starter, i started sawing a few straight lines...
I bought nifty hinges and a latch to have the extra wood swing up so that it could swing back down whenever i'd not need it as a TV cabinet anymore. but i decided not to because it would have made more holes in the back and i didn't want to see them through the front. plus, there's a portable shelf that fits in the space that has a backing on it and you won't even ever see the hole if it's used as a shelf again anyways.

i think it worked well...
i think i'm going to put a shelf above the tv for dvd/vcr...as there's plenty of room and my tv looks mini in the cabinet! but i'll save that for another day. i totally felt like i was in an amature version of New Yankee Work Shop though, and i loved it!!

It's good to have good friends...that hook you up with great tickets...

So a month or so ago, Death Cab for Cutie tickets went on sale for a concert at Millenium Park, and even though i tried to get some, within three days, they were all sold out. I received an email from a friend of mine stating that he had a 'handful' of tickets and wanted to know if i still needed one...turns out i'm headed to see them tonight afterall...which is FREaKIng awesome!!

i should be napping...or at a softball game. i'm not.

2008-06-01T15:14:00.007-06:00

so. i can not even begin to describe the craziness that was yesterday...move day. but i'll give it my best shot...

i woke up early (7:23am) because i couldn't sleep anymore for stress and decided to head to my new apartment to check it out as it's been 6 weeks since i saw it, for the first time and for only 15 seconds. my memory was a little poor and i needed a refresher. i also decided to pick up coffee and breakfast for me and my bro while he was sleeping. Sadly, i was very disheartened by what i found as my new home...as it was smaller and less nice than i had remembered it. nasty yellow dirty walls, kitchen cabinets that are metal and fit in with the blasted 1960s and someone was parked in my new parking spot. needless to say, i needed a few minutes to regroup, wipe away a few stray tears and accept that this is where i'm living, like it or not, cause i'm not planning on breaking my lease. Bro did a great job of assuring me that everything would be ok...:)

we decided to pack the car and head to the new place to clean it so i'd feel better about moving my things in. and amazingly enough, Lysol-ing the finger prints from the last tenant away and sweeping up all nastiness really did help. we discussed different colors i can paint the place to help it not look and feel really, well, not what i want it to be...we ate lunch at Chipotle and headed to U-haul for the truck. by 3:07pm we had arrived back at the old apartment, with an old friend and a pile of new ones to help me move all of my belongings. within an hour we were done packing the truck and were headed to the new place.

Now, let me clarify a few things...my old couch was Disgusting and i had decided to purchase another one from IKEA (which my friend B helped pick out last weekend)(yes i had her take a pic with me at IKEA...it was an exciting shopping trip!!)

while she was here for the weekend because Avenue Q is in townand it was great...though i digress...

also, i'm cheap/poor and didn't want to pay $80 to have my new couch delivered and had decided that i'd use my moving U-haul to pick it up...new apartment, new couch...perfect.
what complicated this, of course, was that U-haul told me that the truck had to be back at the lot by 8pm at the latest. and IKEA is in the burbs, so i had to try to fit moving all my shit to a new apartment, up three flights of stairs, and then go all the way out of the city and back before dropping it off nicely on time at 8pm. as one can imagine, i soon realized that this was going to be like trying to fit a circle into a square...it's impossible. by 5:45pm we had the new apartment filled with boxes and all my stuff, and my wonderful friends were enjoying pizza and beer. we decided to try to beat time and get my couch, including dropping my old one off at a Salvation Army Drop-off Donation center. by 6:30pm we were on our way to IKEA having donated my old couch (though they might even throw it in the garbage cause it's that nasty!!) traffic made an already long trip even longer, and by 7:20pm we were off the highway and on our way to the store, only to realize that i wasn't sure how to get there...and got lost. another friend was amazing at telling me over the phone while i drove how to get back on track. we spent no more than 5 minutes in IKEA rushing to pay and put the new couch in the truck and we were headed back to the city...by about 7:50pm. by 8:15 i called U-haul to let them know we were on our way, apologizing for being late and blaming my tardiness on the traffic, even though we still head to my apartment to drop off the couch before we could get the truck back to U-haul.

The woman on the other end of the line was the same woman that told me two times that the truck HAD TO BE BACK BY 8PM. she explained that becauese it was the end of the month, it was policy that all equipment had to be back at the store before she could leave. I had told her that i've been able to leave keys in a drop slot multiple times before without any problems. She told me that i had to have the truck back by 8pm anyways. This same woman answered the phone when i called to apologize for being late. She calmly stated that it was fine, and to not worry..."You can just put your keys in the drop slot". I nearly coughed and started laughing in shock and awe and exhaustion and anger at what she had put me through all...Freaking...day trying to get that Damn truck back by 8pm. i was a nightmare. i said thankyou, and hung up the phone, prompting pulling into a target parkinglot to tell my brother that we could relax and chill the F out already.

We went back to the apartment, brought the couch upstairs to my apartment and brought the truck back...by 11pm...just because we could. we got home, ate some food, took showers, made our beds and finally got to sleep. it was Insane.
this is the view from walking into the apartment...it's a studio but has an eat in kitchen and an actual kitchen instead of a closet with a stove. i didn't want to post pics yet because it doesn't look anything like it will once everything is away, pics are on the wall and, for that matter, the walls are painted...but first things first...unpacking...

the bed is on the right kind of behind that chair and the eating area/kitchen goes around the corner in the back by the far windows. there's a closet and bathroom to the left of the picture...near where my brother is standing by the tv cabinet...new pics will come soon enough.

oh...so today, bro and i went for breakfast and headed back to the old apartment. i had been paranoid that my car would be towed because i parked in someone elses's spot due to the SUV that was still in my spot by the time we returned home from U-haul after midnight.This morning i left a nice note on his/her windshield that politely stated that "As of June 1, this parking spot belongs to my Toyota Yaris. Please find alternate parking ASAP". when i came back after cleaning my old apartment, the car was gone. Perfect!

so. my bro left, and i have an apartment of things that need to be organized and put somewhere other than where it can currently be found. but i'm so damn tired, i didn't even go to play softball today..and i LOVE softball. i just couldn't. instead i wrote this post, and will shortly be taking a nap. on my new couch.

earlier when writing this post, i noticed that Brayson had walked into the bathroom but hadn't come out. i went to find him on which i figured was the carpet b/c he always slept on that in my old place. This is what i found. please disregard my rediculous baby talking to him...i didn't realize i was that pathetic!! don't disregard the music you hear in the background...it's The Frightened Rabbit, and i saw them with bro and his friends Thursday night. they're great!! perhaps even my new favorite band...;)

he's been in and out of there three times since that video...

it's moving day

2008-05-31T09:39:00.002-06:00

i'm stressed.
i'm exhausted.
i'm not sure i like my new place.
urgh...

but i have tons of people to help me, including my brother:)
love it!!

thanks everyone!!

look out!!

2008-05-20T17:50:00.004-06:00

so, i just figured out how to record short segments on my camera and upload them onto Youtube. um...it was fun.

here's my first take. not like i'm going to become a film director/producer or anything. but this is my current apartment. a little on the messy side, but it's still really cute and i'm becoming all nostalgic now that i'm leaving in less than two weeks...lol. i'll miss it. but i'm totally stoked about my new place. and there's a rumor going around that i might make a semi-big purchase along with the move...we'll see...it's just a rumor. don't know who started it...

so here it is. i forget if brayson got in here...otherwise i might have to do it again...lol

taking a cab home this time.

2008-05-15T17:31:00.005-06:00

so, i answered the phone today while at work not even thinking about the fact that i didn't recognize the number only to be greeted by a pleasant man who stated that he's from Life Source and was wondering if could come in to donate some blood. At first it took me a minute to register what he was talking about as i was expecting an important work related phone call from a number i don't know, and i had to realize it wasn't the jail calling about one of my clients/their current inmate. When i finally put 'Life Source' and 'donate blood' together, i kind of chuckled, though realized i was being rude, so i explained...the last time i tried to give blood (which was two months after the near fatal faint-on-the-bus-episode) i was told that my iron was too low, it was 11 and the minimum is 12.5, so i ended up still going home with my intended-to-be-donated pint of low-ironed blood.

(apparently i'm all about using '-' to add emphasis to near all of my phrases).

anyways, he of course didn't want to lose a possible blood-donating candidate, and told me just to eat garbanzo beans and take a few iron pills the day before/day of the donation. He said that the city is low on blood and needs mine to help some poor suffering patient. i couldn't help but be a sucker and tell him i'll come tomorrow to donate...but it will have to be after 5:30pm.

since my last attempt, and shamefully, sheepishly being turned away from the blood donation center for being in poor health, i had somewhat decided to improve my iron count next time, and even as recently as yesterday, i purchased a few high-iron foods. i used to have anemia (or do again though haven't been officially diagnosed recently) when i was in middle school, and much to my dismay, this didn't just mean i got tired, got headaches and got to stay home from school and get hooked on soap operas instead of face the hell that was 6th/7th grades...i also had to eat the healthy and iron-rich foods including spinach, liver, liverwurst and Total (the cereal that has like 100% of every healthy ingredient ever), which nearly made me puke every time i had to eat them. i was always glad once i had gone a year with good iron levels and wasn't considered anemic anymore so that i wouldn't have to suffer such horrid eating habits.

however, i now find myself in the same predicament, though i don't have my mom to force feed me iron anymore, and i have to be a big-girl and do it all myself now. so i started yesterday with purchasing the store-brand (aka cheap version) of Total, figuring it will taste better than liver, which i won't eat...i just won't! i also bought a bunch of veggies and lettuce, that will hopefully help in my quest to be more healthy overall. I feel like i'm tired all the time, which is also, i'm sure, related to my low iron. anyways...long story short, i decided to eat a whole bunch of iron filled foods between now and tomorrow afternoon so that i can actually help the human race tomorrow. if i fail the iron-test again i have to wait another 3 weeks before i can try again. Dinner tonight and breakfast will be the Total-substitute with a banana to help with the taste, lunch will be some kind of hummus (garbanzo beans which are high in iron) and some spinach salad of some kind, i'll have to buy them tomorrow cause i'm too tired (lazy) to get them tonight, and then i'll hope to boost my iron up above or at least at a 12.5. i can do it, i can do it. the sad thing is, the Total-substitute tastes like cardboard...check that...Wet cardboard, and the banana is just a slight flavoring that masks about 10% of the WET cardboard taste. Good thing i love hummus. This should be a good opportunity for me to learn how to make it on my own cause i've always wanted to. maybe i'll even buy liverwurst again...it was bad back then, but maybe i can stand it. i used to hate dill pickles and now get them on every Subway sandwich i eat, which i eat...a lot. (and no i'm not pregnant) i do still hate mayonaise and mustard though...

though i digress...

i've been thinking of trying to be more healthy for a L....O...N...G...time, and my lazy (tired) ass just doesn't do anything about it. like taking 20/30 minutes out of my day to walk my dog on a regular basis. (yes i'm aware that i'm admitting to animal cruelty...) it's not THAT hard to do, but i just don't do it.

if i do get to donate my blood tomorrow, i'll be sure to take a cab home and not repeat the fiasco on the bus that was last time...and was oh, so, embarassing!!

i just read that Spinach is now being considered an Iron Absorption Inhibitor, and so isn't considered a good source of iron. The foods that Are good sources are


	Clams Pork Liver Oysters Chicken Liver Mussels Beef Liver

none of which do i plan to eat in the next...well...EVER...

crap. i'm screwed!!!

be patient and they will come!!

2008-05-06T22:32:00.009-06:00

ok, so i was getting excited about moving yesterday and went and took some pics from around my new neighborhood. i took a few from my old one too...just cause it's so great and close to the water. the new place is still close to the water, but not as close. for not knowing the area, these will mostly look the same, but they're completely different neighborhoods. i'm excited about where i'm moving though...:) 23 days and counting!!

here's the old neighborhood...that's the water in the background...
and here's the new neighborhood...

my soon to be personal parking spot...that means i have somewhere to park EVERY NIGHT!!oh so fun!!! soon there will be pics of the inside!!

headed to bed after an incredibly L.O.N.G. day...leavin on a jet plane tomorrow and headed to CO to visit the sis and help her move. such a much needed break i can hardly take it!!

at odds.

2008-05-04T19:50:00.002-06:00

other than the odd situation i have gone through at my mon-friday job with the demotion/promotion, it's been a really long time since i've been outwardly disliked by any of my coworkers...or anyone for that matter. Not to say that everyone likes me, but everyone has at least seemed to fake it pretty well. turns out that i'm not so lucky anymore. and it seems that i just might be in a real fight with a coworker from the restaurant, my weekend job. it's all really strange, mostly because i usually do a good job of being a people pleaser...and not usually having people outwardly snotty, bitchy and yelling because of what i've done. not that i've done anything, of course..;)

so...trying to be vague but also tell what happened...there's a mother and daughter that work at the restaurant, and they both started way after i did. they're both the type that don't back down from any argument and when they feel wronged, they will never let it go. luckily, they both have always liked me, the mom always compliments me on my eyes and hair do's...and what not...and we all get along great. well, a couple of weeks ago, one of my tables had paid cash and so had left all of the money in the little booklet that i give the check in and for some reason it had not been brought to the cash register. Said mom-coworker found it and brought it where it was supposed to go, then came to tell me that i should thank her for not stealing it. i told her that i never thought she wouldn't do the right thing because i trust her and everyone else that works there. i never thougth she would steal it because we all work together, and i trust that people aren't stealing my checks (i trust the wait staff anyways...the management is another story)...she seemed defensive for some reason, even though i wasn't accusing her of anything, but i tried to make light of it, jokingly saying something like...'i bet when you opened the booklet and saw money inside, you were like 'yeah', cause i would have'...haha... turns out she took offense to that, as if i thought that she would have been glad that here was money there for her to take..which i didn't mean AT ALL because i'm sarcastic...and sometimes forget that others don't get it. so she was mad at me the rest of the day. i figured things had blown over, and next week i went to work, only to find that both she and her daughter had 'cut me off of the nice train' and they did nothing but try to piss me off. Different side dishes that i had prepared kept conveniently going missing so i'd have to get more, and they were both really snotty to me all day. The daughter tried to steal a big party that took up two of my tables and one of hers (which always goes to the person who has more tables involved), then was furious when i wouldn't have that, and took the party myself (because it was mine (and a three table party is going to be a big tip, so i'm not going to just let her have it)). she then continued this week by taking my section, which i have had every shift since BEFORE she started working there because everyone knows i have seniority and i like that station. it doesn't even matter which station i get because the hosts don't go in order of servers anyways, and half the time favor whoever they want to by giving them more tables on different days(again...a rant on management is another day's explanation), i just get into a rhythm, i know which tables are mine without having to think about it, and why not try to stay with the same one every week..? the other wait staff actually just said one day that they 'knew i liked it" and so gave it to me every weekend. anyways, i digress...

this chic though, decided to completely ignore me today, steal my section and then took another couple of tables of mine. when i confronted her about it, she went off on me, and then was yelling in the back not directly at me, but about it only being a few dollars so 'people' need to just chill the F out....and on and on...she was soo pissed, even though she had taken my tables. i was really pissed at first, but then the more she kept going on and on in the back, i thought it was kind of sad, and i ended up being really nice to her all afternoon. not like, walk-all-over-me nice, but like, you-and-your-shit-attitude-won't-drag-me-into-your-pathetic-drama nice. i get pissed because i need the money and don't just work there for nothing. (there was a comment made last week by her mom about how it's just my second job so i OBVIOUSLY don't really NEED to be there, they said that i should leave early to let the people who REALLY need the job to stay and make money...um..it's none of her damn business why i work there or how much i do or don't need the money, but taking my tables is Going to piss me off.)

it's sooo stupid. her mom is actually fine with me now, which kind of surprised me. she actually told this girl that she was acting rediculous this afternoon when she was ranting in the back for so long.

it's just annoying, because if we can all work together things are fine, like for example, i was in a section today that i don't know as well, and so i took the order on a one top that was someone elses by accident. when i figured out that i had taken her table, i gave her the order and she took the table back...or sometimes we figure out that she would take one of my tables next time. it really doesn't have to be a big deal, especially when it's not done on purpose or if both people involved can be civil about it. apparently not everyone is that way, and with this chic...i literally saw her try to take that party of mine last week and then take my other tables so i know that she's not making mistakes, she's being an a$$. management obviously has no part in this...it's every waitor for him/herself, and it's turning to be all out war...

she's so rediculous.

it's funny though, they got a new 'operations manager' which really means shit for someone else to watch everything that you do and critique your every move. the funny thing is, he knows restaurants, and knows how rediculous the management is here..and he can't believe it. he also said that he can get me a job at another diner down the street where he says that his daughter makes a couple hundred dollars a shift on a regular basis. he's pimping these employees out to other restuarants...hahahaha. i might just take him up on it!!

i know that this all sounds so petty to people who don't know the restaurant world, but it's soo tru, and soo sad!! the drama, the insanity...and a likely place to find an enemy.

(i am fully aware btw that i can't please everyone all the time, and i'm ok with that, though it's not without it's annoyances!)

my apologies sis...

2008-04-28T21:18:00.002-06:00

i needed something a little more upbeat from my last posting that was somewhat depressing...

kisses...:)

oh how i love that girl:)
i see you in...um...9 days...woohoo!!!!

monotony...

2008-04-24T21:23:00.003-06:00

so, i've realized that lately my life is drama-less, there is no drama, nothing extra ordinary, nothing to chat about, nothing really good or really bad. it just Is. and i'm fighting all urges to create drama just so i have something else to think about other than what i've been thinking about, which seems to be nothing interesting. i even find i'm talking myself out of liking someone i don't even like, just to have something to talk about, seeing as he's the only guy in this whole city that has shown any extra positive interest in me lately, other than inappropriate clients and married coworkers of course.

holy crap.

and it's not like i'm not doing things, or meeting people. i started playing softball on sunday afternoons, which involves all but 4 guys...the rest are girls, and poorly playing girls, but it's active and it's new people. i've been going out with friends to restaurants for dinner, and bars for drinks and the beach for walking; work has been going well, i've recently been recognized for my hard work, and things with coworkers/staff are going better than the past. and this is all good, and i'm certainly not complaining about it.

i'm not an overly dramatic person, introspective as all hell, but not dramatic, and i don't need/feed off of gossip or crazy events/relationships/scandel...but i Do struggle with just being, just being content with where things are. and i'm not sure if that's just a drive for things to be better than they are, if it's boredom, or if it's the fact that i need intense therapy to learn how to be happy. see, i'm making a big deal about not having one big deal to talk about.

geesh.

oh well. maybe i should just go to sleep.

or maybe i just need to get laid...

(that was a joke...cue laughing)

or was it...

maybe i'll just get married and get it over with. marriage certainly seems to be all the rage these days...

and then i'll have tons of drama...

Perfect...

NO SPACE, LEAVE THE PLACE

2008-04-24T19:38:00.001-06:00

Can you tell when you are in a room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror a 2-way glass?

Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not?

This is not to scare you, but to make you aware. A policewoman who travels all over the U.S. and gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed this on.

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)? There have been many
cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing
rooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it.

So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what
type of mirror we are looking at? Just conduct this simple test:

Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective
surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror.
However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, FOR IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!

'No Space, Leave the Place' So remember, every time
you see a Mirror, do the 'fingernail test.' It doesn't cost you anything.

Remember: 'No Space, Leave the Place'

Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc.

Men: Share this with your wives, daughters, daughters-in-law, mothers, girlfriends and friends.

last minute...

2008-04-21T12:02:00.011-06:00

So, last night around 9:09pm i got a call from my sister:

Sis: hey how are you?
me: good...how are you?
Sis: are you sleeping?
me: no, it's only 9pm.
Sis: are you in bed yet?
me: No, it's really only 9pm. Why?

then she proceeded to tell me that her friend from CO is in Chitown and wants to know if i wanna go with her to see Schuyler Fisk at the House of Blues at 9:30pm. so, i quickly changed into concert/low-key-club attire, hailed a cab and went to meet her friend and watch the show. at 9:30 on a Sunday night. it was a great show, and it was great to hang out with my sister's friend...:)

as expected...photos:
This is Tim Myers the band before Schuyler Fisk...he was really good. really good, and i don't usually like opening bands. (not as a rule, i just am not usually impressed...ok maybe kind of as a rule.)
check him out at myspace...

and this is Schuyler Fisk:not the best, as my camera couldn't get any closer...but such is life. Tim Myers is playing the bass guitar (on the right) as part of her band. they were also good:). She and my favorite and already-talked-about-swooned-over Joshua Radin were dating and recently broke up. Because of this, the great song Paperweight that everyone was yelling out for her to play couldn't be played cause he wasn't there to sing it with her. very sad.

She was actually in the Babysitter's club movie i think...i never watched it...
OHH, AND. so i'm sitting at the bar with CC and i turn around to see if the show is getting started or not, and someone is standing right behind me, but i know instantly that i've seen her on TV and she's famous. Turns out it's Schuyler's mom Sissy Spacek
see, here she is with a few um...really famous people...
and on the red carpet...
i think she's the first famous person i've seen in Chicago. i keep hoping to run into Oprah in H&M or Gap or something...but for now, Sissy Spacek will do:):)

and then there's us...laypeople of the world...but great just the same!!

signed sealed and delivered. or not really sealed or delivered, just signed.

2008-04-15T17:50:00.004-06:00

a few weeks ago i had to decide whether i was going to stay in this apartment or if i was going to move. from the day i got the notice, i thought, 'NO BRAINER, i'm OUTTA HERE'. but then, the day that i had to really decide came and the night before i started to panic because even though i've complained about either lack of heat or way too many bugs since i moved in here just under two years ago, i wasn't sure i was ready to leave. Not ready to leave the amazing neighborhood i live in, the ability to walk downtown, walk to the beach, walk to my 2nd job. i was worried about what else i could afford, and where the other options for apartments would have to take me. but, i decided that i was going to be up for the challenge to look for something else and hope to improve my living situation.

I did a little preliminary looking just to see what i had gotten myself into, and was somewhat worried by the prices and locations and sizes of other apartments out there. Then i took a couple of weeks off. But then i started to have trouble sleeping, and i decided i had to start looking, for real. It's hard to look for an apartment though, (just in case there are people reading who have never had to...;)) there's a small window of time between afterwork and when it's too late to see apartments for the night, and especially when it's rush hour and it takes a while to get to each destination. So, for about 2 weeks, every day after work, i went to see apartments, as many as i could fit in, which was truly exhausting. The first apartment was sooo depressing. it was tiny, it had a gross floor and less kitchen counter space than i have now (which is already almost non-existant). the building smelled like a chinese restaurant (good for take out, bad for apartment). ewe. i started to find a few cool possibilities, but either were too expensive or too far away...but then...i saw a place that really seemed to fit. of course, i worried that if i take it now, then i might miss a better apartment later on, as i still have over 6 weeks until my lease is up and a lot of places might not even be advertized yet. i thought about it over the weekend and realized i was worrying more about waiting too long to sign on this apartment than if i would miss another place. But, if anyone knows me, i don't usually make big decisions right away, and i hemmed and hawed and hemmed and hawed a little more. finally i realized that i better 'shit or get off the pot' as they say. so i decided to...well...let's just say i didn't get off the pot!! and this afternoon i signed the lease. the best part is that i got a great deal on the place...including a my own parking space:):):) it's further north than i'd like, but it's just south of Wrigley Field where the Cubs play...which is awesome, and it's still close to the water...which is also great!

so, another big choice in my life. i can't believe i'll be moving soon, and leaving this area. but...where i'm moving to is great as well, and just a few 'L' stops from down town...also, i'm in control of my own heat, and it's on the third floor, so i'm hoping for less bugs...and seeing as i just killed a centipede i saw crawling on the wall, i'm glad to be getting out of here...

thanks...i think??

2008-04-07T21:10:00.003-06:00

so, today, i was visiting one of my clients. As i put my boots on again in preparation to leave, she said completely out of the blue "you look like you've put on some pounds", this after seeing me only last tuesday. My reaction, without falling off the one foot i was standing on while putting a boot on the other, was something to the effect of "well, i'm not sure that's something i was hoping to hear, haha" trying to make light of it... she then replied "oh, but don't worry, it's all in the right places". thanks?? or something. i don't even know what that means. i know i'm not as thin as i used to be...it's what winter, eating too much and not exercising enough will do to a gal, but it's never nice to hear, even if it's someone who's opinion doesn't really matter at the end of the day...though maybe a little, as i AM writing a post about it...

and the weather is getting warmer, i better shed a few before i can no longer hide behind layers of winter coats, boots and scarves:)

worth every penny!

2008-03-30T19:20:00.019-06:00

So, a couple of months ago i learned of a great concert i wanted to go to. This is the story of the concert, worth every penny, and of course, it wouldn't be one of my posts without pictures to go along with the planning and attending of the concert...so...

the two artists i wanted to see were Ingrid Michaelson and Joshua Radin
the problem was finding people go to with...as not many of my friends here like the same kind of music i listen to. but i was able to find 6 others to go with, and i was stoked!

Three people ended up backing out for various legit reasons, and i had three tickets to get rid of. i asked every person i knew here...and no one wanted to/or could make it. so i posted the tix up on craigslist. the first response kind of started freaking me out...he kept having to 'reschedule' multiple times and by wednesday and the 5th 'reschedule' i said NEVER MIND PUNK@$$ and i posted the tix up again. within 50 minutes of posting the tix up thursday, i got rid of them...so that was relieving! (ps, the first guy freaked me out because i started feeling like he didn't really want the tickets but wanted to keep talking to me, in a freaky stalkerish kind of way. he kept offering to stop by my house or at work...and then made ME feel guilty for not being available...anyways...)

then, friday, concert day...i had to run straight home from work and get in line to get a good spot on the main floor to get up close and personal with a few of my favorite artists. over all, the two artists i went for completely made the night. Meiko was OK, the Cary Brothers were really boring, other than Blue Eyes, a song that always reminds me of an old relationship (in a good way), and Dan Wilson was down right bad. like seriously, had i drank more alcohol, i would have boo-ed him off the stage. but Ingrid, and joshua....MMMMMM soooo good:)

Meiko:
Cary Brothers:
a little Ingrid:
and the amazing Joshua...more Ingrid...
So, this was her version of Radiohead's 'Creep'. i had heard that this version was great, but i can not even discribe the control of her voice and the inspiring arrangement of it, an already great song. nice work, Ingrid, nice work!!

Dan Wilson, the guy who wrote "Closing time" from the late-ish 90's, didn't gain enough of my respect to get a picture into this post.

Joshua came out to sing a couple duets with Ingrid to finish up the show...soo good:)
the girls that came with me. RR's boyfriend had to leave 45 minutes into the show, therefore missing all the good parts...don't ask...
Us with Meiko after the show:
and my favorite pic...
so, everyone was standing in the corner wanting to get a pic with Joshua...and i just went up and said, a stumbling sort of 'um...Thanks soo much for a great show, you were amazing, really' i went on to say something about my sister having seen him in Colorado and kind of couldn't stop talking...but he was genuinely interested in where my sister had seen him, and that she and we enjoyed the shows. he was more humble than i ever thought. once i finally stopped talking, i asked for a picture, and he happily obliged.

then we headed to a nearby bar and grille for some grub and went home...a great night:)

play time...

2008-03-23T15:46:00.011-06:00

a few fun things i've been able to do over the last few weeks...

1).my friend BC came back into chicago for a few days, well more a few hours before she went to GR for a wedding. I was able to be pleasured by her company, and a couple other friends for some sushi. well, i don't eat sushi, but it's 'our' place in Bartlett IL :) i just get chicken and crab rangoons...yum!!!

2) i started making a quilt. yes, me. after making the general design, and cutting all the fabric with a rotary cutter, it's actually a lot easier than i thought...the finished product is sure to be posted i'm sure, at some point!!

3) my friend RR got two extra tickets to the musical Jersey Boys, and i have to say, i never would have thought to go to see it, but it was really actually quite fun...it's about the music group the Four Seasons, and it was like a walk down memory lane, driving in the car with my dad listening to oldies, and then...of course the good ol' "oh what a night"...it was fantastic!!
4) i also got to take my bro and his girlfriend for drinks at one of my favorite bars Dublins as well as try out the great Pancake House on Bellevue and Rush...good times!! i just didn't get any pics with them...

anyways, fun stuff!! now i'm gonna chill for a while and enjoy my sunday afternoon/evening before another busy week begins yet again:)

the reason i do what i do

2008-03-19T19:49:00.004-06:00

so the last few weeks have been rough at work and i've been trying to stay positive but it's been hard. Some staff issues, and some work load issues...i felt myself draining of energy and will to go on..ok, not really, but it was hard. i'll give an example of the frustrations that i deal with on a regular basis..

so. i work with adults who have mental illness. and as one might figure, money is always an issue with people who have a disorder that makes it difficult to have a stable mood, or weed through auditory/visual hallucinations and try to hold on to a semblance of reality. some of these adults have families that help provide for them, some are receiving Social Security benefits due to their mental illness . Some are older, and some are younger and some are still applying for these benefits. But just as one might expect, the government doesn't want to give money away to any Joe Shmoe that claims they need it, especially if that person is a young twenty-something who 'looks' like they should be able to hold a job and might 'just be lazy'. and for most cases i don't disagree with that. we do work with some people that have been denied benefits for good reason. However, some of our most troubled members are young and can't focus enough to sit for 15 mintues without responding to constant internal stimuli. The government, however, wants to make sure that these younger applicants are truly 'sick' and in need of the monetary assistance, and often decline applicants just because they're young. the process of applying is long enough, then you put appealing the denial and possibly starting back from scratch and you end up feeling like the process will never end. what often happens also, is that because things take so long, staff forget about it, or sometimes don't get paperwork back in time, and their application will be closed and they have to start all over again anyways. SOOO Frustrating.

enter me: starting in July on a new team with a new caseload, including one of these young, mentally unhealthy adults who had applied for benefits and had been denied due to insufficient information ('our' fault) and had already reapplied. it was as good as, let's put this file on the shelf and forget about it. slowly, i'd get requests for more paperwork in the mail, one says he needs info from his current psychiatrist, then a few months later they say they need him to go see one of their psychiatrists, then later some medical information. sometimes it seems worthless to go on, and in the mean time, he's living on less than $50 a month out of our account fund, in an apartment that we have available for free through one grant, we got him glasses through another agency that gives opthomological appts and glasses for free, and with government food stamps that the state graciously approved to provide for him. the good thing is, if someone is approved, they will get retro-active pay from the date the application was filed...a small incentive to keep going and hope for the best!!

today, 9 months after i took over his case, and over a year since his application was filed, i got another letter. This letter states that they need him to go into the office for more information, but they need him because they need to know who his Representative Payee is going to be and where to...wait for it...SEND THE CHECK. OMG he got approved!!!!!

this is the reason i do what i do. not to get people money, but to provide opportunity for people and give them hope about their future. This will allow for him to improve his living situation. It will allow him to purchase new clothes and have a few items that are completely his own and that he can be proud of. It might just give him a reason to work on his recovery, to get better, and to improve his life. This is actually the second person we've gotten benefits for who was on their second or third application since i've been on the team, we have a few more, but i'm seriously so excited for this guy!! and the only credit i can take for this is making sure that paperwork was collected and sent in on time. i certainly didn't pay anyone off or convince anyone...except by providing appropriate psych and progress notes, and not letting things fall through the cracks, which really should be the way things run anyways...but overall, this is crazy exciting!

i worked really late came home and cleaned my apartment, instead of leaving work at 4:30, coming home and vegging on the couch...guess i got another boost to keep going just as much as he will:)

turning green

2008-03-16T15:00:00.003-06:00

Turns out, St Patty's day in chi town is a HUGE deal, almost as big as the fourth of july, minus a few fireworks. There's a parade, the city turns the canal water green, and people go out in droves in green shirts, hats, coats, boots. It's like a college football game. i even saw a poor dog wearing a headband with paper cloves on the end of springs. it was a sad moment for the dog. every bar is decorated, every store becomes 'Irish'. it's funny. They even have parties starting at 8am just so you're drunk before noon...and every hour thereafter.

Green beer mostly tastes the same, mostly looks like a super sweet glass of Kool aid, mostly kind of weird. i went to a party last night, and it was more of the same, kind of college-party meets happy irish-wannabe's...good times!

Apparently Irish is the thing to be...i must have missed the memo...:)

why is it...

2008-03-12T22:07:00.002-06:00

that i always end up wanting something once i can't have it anymore???

does it mean that i really wanted it in the first place and didn't know it yet, or that i just want it cause it can't be mine??

venting to mom for 15 mins just wasn't enough to get over this...

2008-03-05T18:15:00.004-06:00

Don't judge...i'm just moody and need to vent some more!...

ok. so. I'm REALLY getting tired of being lied to, being manipulated and taken for an idiot. i understand that nothing comes for free, but seriously, don't tell me about a free estimate and then charge me $60 to 'clean and update'. And you know he won't agree to even look at it without cleaning it first, b/c 'without cleaning and updating, he won't be able to figure out what's wrong with it'. Don't be all nice and lure me there and then piss me off. The thing is, if nothing else, he'll still make $60 bucks on me. Even as i'm standing there filling out my name and number, i know that i've been took and i should just walk out. but i can't do it, and plus, probably everyone in the whole city will tell me exactly the same thing. it's just really infuriating. i don't like being lied to. i dont like being 'lured in'. if you want something say it, if you don't then say so. Don't string me along with lies. (all this over trying to get my sewing machine fixed so i can make a damn blanket)

also, can you ever call anywhere just for information??? without having to give your name and number so they can hound you until you get what you were just asking about in the first place? i called Bally Total Fitness last night, to find out starting prices, hours, parking, JUST INFORMATION, because i've been feeling like a blimp and it's too damn cold outside to exercise. he says, 'yes, i can help you with that, can i get your name?' so i dodge the question and say 'i just want to know the hours', and he gets a little snotty and goes 'is it OK if i get your name so i can talk to you about the great options we have to offer you?' so i give him my name. part of giving the information to me includes 'when can i schedule you in so you can come and have a trial workout and i can show you the equipment, can you come tonight?' i'm like...NO...I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE TIME YOU"RE OPEN. so i said, 'i can't tonight, maybe tomorrow'. i called this evening to cancel. but he almost got me to go and just try it, he even called me this morning to confirm our appointment tonight. But when he called again this afternoon to confirm, a.g.a.i.n, i knew i had to get out of this, i knew if i went he'd hound me about signing a contract and probably sign my life away...GEEZ...(he then called again after the cancelled visit to find out if everything was ok)

and i wonder why i have trust issues!! haha. No one ever says what they really mean. it's all about manipulation. everyone's trying to screw you over.

ok, so i know that's not entirely true...but sometimes it feels like it...
i will switch to the opposite side...and tell about one guy in particular has shown me that people really are good at heart, even if he's the only one in this whole city, and i don't even know his name...he didn't try to get anything from me, he did nothing but help...let me explain.

last week thursday, when i took my day off, i decided to spend the afternoon walking around the city and then once downtown, i's donate blood. i haven't given blood since college, but there's a blood bank right by my house and i've always wanted to donate again. after the first time i donated i was turned down b/c i had low iron. anyways, i was 'ok-ed' for donating last thursday, told to drink some juice, and about 10 minutes later i was done. I sat for another 20 minutes, ate some oreo's and took my time getting up. they took a pint of blood in a short amount of time. i don't ever remember feeling tired or weird after i gave blood, i just remember a HUGE bruise at the injection site. So, i decided to head home when i started to feel pretty normal. i walked to the bus stop, fine. i sat down on the bench waiting for the bus, fine. i stood on the bus cause it was way too full and i couldn't tell granny to get out of her seat to let me sit down, fine. or not fine. i started to feel lightheaded but figured i'd make it home. then i started feeling really hot and more lightheaded and i took my scarves and gloves off. i realized i should've gotten off the bus at the last stop, and started to bend over, hoping that i could stop from feeling so damn lightheaded. i poked the nice guy in front of me to tell him i needed to get out and then....what felt like 5 hours later (but must have only been a few seconds) i started waking up and trying to orient myself. i had somehow twisted around and was sitting on my feet, one piece of my head phones in my ear, so i had a dream like feeling with music in the background. i started hearing 'is she ok?' and 'what happened?' and "seriously, is she ok?" and i realized that they were talking about me and that i had fainted. the nice guy was trying to talk to me and i realized the bus was stopped and he was going to get me off the bus. i thought i'd be ok and grabbed his arm to help me, but things still weren't fine. there was no where to sit once off the bus, and i 'came to' once again crouched on the ground holding onto an unknown pole, while the nice guy came back to me saying he had just gotten a cab for me. He kindly rubbed my shoulder and told me to relax and take my time. However by this time, i realized that the whole bus was staring at me, and waiting for me to be better so they could continue their trip. the bus driver was on the phone telling someone that he had asked if i wanted an ambulance but i had turned down the offer and was waiting to get into the cab. i made it to the cab, apologizing to the nice guy for being a bother, cause even in my semi-conscious state i have issues with someone having to go out of their way to help me. i should have asked his name or something, or thanked him instead of apologizing the whole damn time. anyways, i barely kept from passing out again in the cab, though i was almost home, and the rest of the night was spent on the couch recooperating.

so, i can't say that Everyone in this city is out to screw me over. this guy was very kind and i will never forget him!

ps. for those nurse friends of mine...i have a question. do i have something to be concerned about?? turns out, i don't have a bruise from the straw sized needle they used to take my blood, but i have a shooting pain all the way down my fore-arm when i put pressure anywhere on my arm, like a nerve was pinched/wripped/punctured...??? it also hurts when i stretch a certain way. i called my physician and the nurse said it is somewhat normal because the needle is so big...and that it will take a while to heal. but am i looking at any irreparable damage here? did they ruin my arm for life?? i told the guy when he put the needle in that it hurt an unusual amount and he said that was normal, but something felt weird...????

My Day Off...

2008-02-28T11:30:00.003-06:00

So, turns out...even on my day off, i find ways to be on the computer.

i took the day off because i was seriously feeling like i was going insane, or brain dead...either way, i needed a break. there are only so many assessments and care plans that one can do in a row without losing all sense of sanity. And in my business, we are trying to keep people from the brink of 'going crazy', so i figured i need to give myself the same care that we try to give our members, and have some 'me time'. I also glad i took the day off because...a few weeks ago my boss at the restaurant asked if i could help out more during the week. now, i know that i have a problem with saying no when people need help, and i think i can handle anything, so i said, 'Sure, let me know what days you need help with and i'll see what i can do'. Sunday his wife came to me and asked if i could work Wednesday and i said 'ok' (for the record: i have told her no in the past, and usually dictate my schedule completely, so i'm not a complete pushover!!). So, not only did i nearly lose sanity at my real job, i then had to run home, let my pooch out for 3 minutes and head out to work from 5-10pm as a server (please don't call pet control on me...i know that's near abuse...i'm making up for it today!!). Thanks to constantly telling myself 'you don't have to work tomorrow', and the fact that 4 cops at the end of my shift that gave me a $12 tip, i made $50 and came home to finish an episode of Sex and the City and head to bed.

this morning has been pretty productive. Of course i couldn't sleep in past 7:45am, but laying in bed for 45 minutes, knowing you don't HAVE to get up, and you won't be going to work is beyond heaven. i decided to get up and shower before Oprah at 9. I'm not a huge fanatic Oprah lover, but when i don't work, i try to watch her, just cause i can. Problem #1: getting up after 7am usually means there's no hot water left in the building, and today was no exception. I had to wash my hair in the sink with semi-warm water...urgh. Problem #2: i decided to cut my hair but got a little scissor happy and it's a little shorter than i had originally meant. Oops!! Problem #3: Five minutes after starting Oprah, (i was still cutting my hair), i heard from the tv the music that comes when there's a 'special news update' that interrupts regular programing. So, instead of watching Oprah and why getting older is great and no one should be afraid of it cause there are so many great things out there to do etc...i had to watch BUSH, yes Sir President, in a press conference, in which he continued to talk shit about how we're not in a recession and how our national security is at stake and we're all DOOMED if he's not allowed to listen in on all of our personal phone calls. I really only watched cause i was hoping that it wouldn't be very long and i could get back to Oprah. Of course it was over 2 minutes before the hour and with commercials, i didn't see Oprah anymore. Stupid Bush. But h was able to do laundry and make myself pancakes and eggs..yum!!

Anyways...the Real reason i took off today is because i've decided to look into other housing options. I think i wrote a while back about looking at buying a home, and then decided i didn't want to at the time. I'm still not convinced i should, but i don't feel like i did enough research to know for sure that it's not right for me. I spent last friday evening with some friends, all of whom essentially ganged up on me and said i'm crazy if i don't buy b/c it's such a great investment. I'm not jumping into it, but i'm giving it another look, a real look. I'm also interested in looking at other rental options. I feel like though i Love where i live and really couldn't ask for better, i'm sick of freezing in my apartment, with no relief from the landlords and i need to find something else for next year. i've been looking in two different neighborhoods that have somewhat cheaper rent, but they are much farther from downtown than i am now...so it's a struggle to know what to do. Also, two friends of mine recently found out that they'll be moving into an apartment close to mine, and two other friends already live within short walking distances...so leaving this area would really suck. I'm just not sure i can find anything else around here comparable in price that will let me have my dog...

so, my quest for the afternoon is to get information so that i can figure out what i'm going to do, or at least start the process...

we'll see!!

Tonight's plans include going to see a play 'A Steady Rain' , and then tomorrow night is The General, an old silent film by Buster Keaton music by the Chicago Symphony. I'm so excited:):):)

how to spend over $250 in 45 minutes while at work....

2008-02-21T22:25:00.005-06:00

so. today began as any other stressful, packed day...and i got a little cocky...thinking i could do it all. oh how quickly 'the universe' put me back in my place!!

one of my client's State IDs broke like two years before we started working with him. today i decided that i was going to take him downtown to the Secretary of State/DMV to get him a new one. We'd be there before lunch, so it shouldn't've been too busy. And it wasn't. we waited about 30 minutes and then he went (i wasn't allowed to go with him) to get his pic taken and wait for the ID to be made. (It's cool in IL cause you don't have to wait for it to come in the mail like in NY) now...parking around the city is impossible, and i HATE spending $14.00 for anything less than the whole day:)...so i did a 'keep the blinkers on cause i'm really not going to be very long' move and i essencially made my client run with me to the building and back. i figured i might get a ticket, but i've parked there before and nothing happened so i figured i'd risk it. i even relaxed a bit while i was being hit on by a cute guy waiting for his friend to get a new ID...hehe...
we nearly ran back to the car only to turn the corner and ...OMG my car WASN"T THERE. i had a client with me, a full day of visits and paper work and NO CAR. not to mention it was below freezing outside and using my phone to call 311 didn't really work well. she couldn't find my license plate at the pound yet, but put me through anyways...and thank goodness, my car was there already. Also, the only reason i didn't completely panic was because i had my wallet with me... i grabbed a cab (paid for with plastic) got my car from the pound (paid for with plastic) and in a matter of an hour and a half i had paid almost $200 to get my car back...not to mention the $60 ticket that i had gotten before the car was towed. it all happened so fast i still can't believe it happened...like, seriously...

i think i should've just paid $14 for parking in the first place...just a thought.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T21:10:00.000-06:00

it's just Thursday people, get over it!!

some people say God has a sense of humor

2008-02-12T22:46:00.000-06:00

sometimes i don't think he's very funny...

last weekend...

2008-02-09T22:57:00.001-06:00

so, last weekend was the benefit, the one i debated going to because of my eye problems...well. i went. even though i said i probably wouldn't. like i wouldn't go at all. oh well.

the reason for the benefit was for a bunch of rich people...i mean, uh, to raise money for one of the programs at the church i go to. it's a great program and the church i attend on a semi-regular basis is one of the richest in the city, so i guess i shouldn't been surprised. i'm not really, but it's crazy...all these old people that can come to an event like that and just get whatever they want...oh the lives we lead...anyways. so, raising money for good causes is good.the theme of the benefit was Carnival...but the only thing that was like a Carnival was a bunch of masks that were given out throughout the night. oh, and an old guy that brought his own and kept it on the Whole night..it had tassles and everything. i wish i'd gotten a picture, though i think it May have been somewhat inappropriate!! i got to attend because i volunteered, which meant i got to show people how to bid on silent auction items in case they didn't know what was going on. i also was able to direct them towards the restroom if needed. i felt very important!! actually, myself and a girl i kind of know were put 'in charge' of the art section...so some of the bidding was for pieces that started at $40, but some started...STARTED at over $3000. seriously. and those pieces got fought over...amazing!! so, at 8:30pm we were able to go to the volunteer room, and eat dinner, a separate dinner than the people who actually bought the meals...and then we were free to roam and enjoy the same privileges as the non-volunteers. i had some friends who volunteered, and some who didn't...and we all gathered on the dance floor to break it down. except...and no offense to those of you who are married...but i'm not a huge fan of reception dances that include lame music that no one really dances to...and this is what happened. so we ended up going home...and that was that. i also realized how sadly pale i am...especially in the dead of winter. it is a sad truth...yet...it is what it is...

good times, good times....

2 things...

2008-02-08T17:35:00.000-06:00

1)ok, so one of my favorite quotes from That 70's Show is from the episode when Eric's dad has recently had a heart attack. they're back home and Eric is talking to his parents in the kitchen...

Kitty: Eric, we have to keep your father calm, so no shenanigans.
Eric: Oh, mom, I haven't shenaniganned in six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-do-welled, I've rabble-roused...
Red: Will you shut up!

it's better when you see the episode...

2)i'm SOOO glad that Mitt Romney is out of the Presidential race (sorry sis) he's an ass and i'm glad he's gone. in his exiting speech he said:

that if he continued [in the race] it would "be making it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win" and that he cannot let his campaign "be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."

cause Obama and Clinton are Really advocating "A Surrender to Terrorism", so yeah, it's good that he made sure that won't happen...THANK YOU MITT ROMNEY. (check your sarcasm-ometer cause it's showing pretty high right now)

he's such an ass...i haven't liked him from the get-go, like i think he's a sleeze,
New Hampshire Debates from 1/5/08...i don't care if he's losing the fight in the campaign, but how is that comment constructive in any way? it's NOT. it's divicive and destructive. ONE leader does have to emerge from this election, and with statements and attitudes like that, how would ONE country, which includes all of the people he's completely insulting, back him and give him Any respect? They wouldn't...I wouldn't...he should have left a long time ago.

this one was funny too...

2008-02-04T20:04:00.000-06:00

i can't believe the Patriot's Lost...

2008-02-03T22:02:00.000-06:00

I seriously can't believe the Giants won, though with just over 2 minutes left, and the ball in Giant's possession, i kind of felt like they'd pull through...damn Eli. i know i'm from New York, so i'm kind of proud of them, plus i always go for the underdog, so...what was i thinking?? when i was in college, Tom Brady was THE quarterback...as he was playing for MI at the time, so nostalgia pulls me toward the Patriots. I've never cared about the Giants. If i was gonna go for an NFL New York team it would be the Bills. Also, i was the only one at the party that wasn't a die hard Giants fan, so i technically was still going for the underdog. Plus, how cool would an undefeated season be...seriously.

anyways, this was my favorite commercial...

We watched it a few times with TiVo at my friend's place, because it totally cracked me up. My friend's husband thought it was hilarious that i asked how to get back to "real time"...as in, the game on TV, not our actual time...i thought it was a legit question...he thought i sounded rediculous. For those non-TiVo-owning people out there...where's the love??

this one was funny too, but not as much...

btw, this is what it looks like outside my apartment right now...i'm gonna have to dig my car out tomorrow for sure!!

oh life...

2008-01-31T19:07:00.000-06:00

so, it's thursday and it's been a really strange week. not a bad week, per se, but a strange one, it includes some work, some play, some more doctor's visits and way too much couch time. i'll explain.

monday and tuesday actually felt like 2 weeks sqweezed into two days. by 10 am monday morning, both myself and the secretary that works for us were both pulling out hair out insisting that Friday Must be coming soon. or at least the end of the day. by 1pm we just looked at each other and threw up our hands and kept going. One thing after another after another. One member in crisis while another one shows up causing a scene, while another is being admitted into a hospital, staff are behind on their care plans and complaining, and i think that either 8 hands or a 3 more clones would really help make life a little less ...excuse the word...insane.

the positive was that after work, i was able to hang out with a friend from out of town...even though he arrived later than planned. sharing music and stories was a great distraction to what was another more than unbelievable day on Tuesday, more staff issues to be dealt with...the whole nine yards. Tuesday evening involved dinner with said friend IC,
a joined drink with RR
and then a fun Jazz club
in near sub zero temperatures and windy snow conditions that made that cab drivers somewhat nervous on the streets. More sharing of music and more cold conditions in my apartment. we did have a great time, regardless of the cold January Chicago weather!! Wednesday i woke up with a right eye as red as an apple, and while it was sad to see my friend move on on his trip to California, i'm still holding my breath that he doesn't get sick too. after a trip to the doctor, i'm on Pink Eye Diagnosis #3...and prescribed to stay at home for the next three days...AGAIN. trust me, i've been beyond livid about this...i've been having trouble with dry eyes for the last few weeks and even went out to get a humidifier to help with the dryness from the extra heater in my apartment but seriously, pink eye again...uurrgh. it's like a bad dream i just can't wake up from or a really bad movie. today i went to an ophthomologist who dilated my eyes like a drug addict and put yellow drops in them. he said he sees trouble with the tear ducts on my upper eye lids, which somewhat helps understand why my eyes have been so dry...or at least have not been able to replenish tears/wetness to keep my eyes normal. There's also been some suspicion about the newer brand of contact lenses i started about 5 mnts ago. Either way, translation for treatment: lots of medicine, glasses for the next month at least, and hope that we can make sure this doesn't happen again. So i've been lazy, spending time watching movies and tv or napping. urgh.

I'm debating right now about going to a church event tomorrow night that i said i'd help volunteer for like a month ago. It's a huge benefit that people get all dressed up for and spend $175 per plate for dinner, buy things at a silent auction and then party all night. This, of course, i can not even close to afford. In volunteering i get to 'work' for the first four hours and then party with everyone else who's there, therefore attending the event for free...it's a big event they call the 'church prom' which is lame, but it's supposed to be one of the most fun events of the year. it will technically be just over 2 24 hr days of medicine...my doc said i'm contagious for about 2 days...um...i really don't wanna miss this event. but i think i'm gonna have to. suck.

so, some good, and some not good things this week. i'm bored and tired of being sick. but such is life....

taking a moment...

2008-01-28T20:23:00.001-06:00

so i haven't had a fun blog-able story lately. it's really just a lot of work and more work. i can't tell if i'm tired of writing my life on a blog, or if i'm realizing that i'm just not that interesting. not sure...not that i'm not interesting, but just not in the mood to be interesting...uh..crap.

strangely enough, the whole Heath Ledger incident has weighed more on me than i thought it would. Anna Nicole Smith's death honestly didn't make me blink an extra eye lash...but this has seemed to be different...most people will always remember where they were when they heard about President Kennedy being shot, I'll Never forget where i was when i found out about the attack on the World Trade Center buildings on 9-11 and i'm not sure that i'll forget hearing my co-worker going on line and saying...omg, Health Ledger is dead. and while i don't mean to equate any of these events as equally tragic...they were just moments that stuck out in time. the weekend before he died i had gone to see "I'm not there" which is a tribute/documentary/independent film about Bob Dylan, and has Bob Dylan played by i think 6 different people, one of whom was Cate Blanchett, which is a phenomenal performance, but also by Heath Ledger...and it was so strange to hear that he had died because i felt as if i had just seen him. Almost like he was an old friend who i had just received an email from or something, and the thought of him no longer breathing was just absurd. But also, i think it was a realization that i'm getting older. Heath ledger of course, wasn't someone i was close to, but he was someone that was part of my growing up and someone whom i've always had great respect for. He was a heart throb but for more than just his amazingly good looks. As his fame grew he didn't just choose the feel-good parts in the feel-good movies. He chose challenging roles in movies that had substance, took chances, and made you think. He also didn't search for the spotlight and seemed to be somewhat awkward on red-carpets, somewhat vulnerable and uncomfortable. It's also strange that the Batman movie that he recently finished acting in includes his character as a really psychotic joker and he seems really scary. It will be weird to see him that way...

i don't know. it was sobering. it is sobering. and regardless of the speculation of drug abuse (which honestly i don't think was the case...not that i really know) the whole thing is just sad and still seems somewhat unbelievable. but...enough sadness and morbidity...

enjoy a few pics...
From Brokeback Mountain
From I'm not There

It's so cold here....

2008-01-21T00:08:00.000-06:00

it's 8 degrees but feels like 0.

when you think about the difference between 32 and 64 degrees...it's the difference between snow and a nice spring day. it's a BIG difference. the difference between 32 and 0 degrees is the same difference in degrees...from cold to WAYY colder. brr. and i take back my statement in an earlier post about being able to keep my apartment warm. it's near futile....

it's so cold here, dogs pee on the sidewalks and instead of running down the side of the pavement, the pee nearly freezes mid stream...

it's true.

the things you hope you never have to do...

2008-01-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

I bought hot sexy brown boots over christmas. the first time i wore them i thought i was going to have to cut my feet off to relieve the pain that the boots gave me. i had my sister switch shoes mid-shopping. i thought i was going to die. since then, i've been trying to work them in, a couple blocks here, a few more there. i even wore them to church on sunday (12 blocks there, a few blocks to an independent film theatre, then about 13 back home. my feet were sore at the end of the day, but MUCH better than the first go around.

i was hoping that That would be the worst of it all. however...

tonight i went downtown for a few drinks after work with some friends. i came home from work for a much needed 'freshen up' and headed out wearing my hot sexy brown boots. the bar was too far away to walk to, and it's WAYYYY below freezing, so i figured i could weather out the few blocks to the bus stop and then make it far downtown to the bar. I had a couple of beers (yummy newcastle) and had a great time with some fun friends...plans to hang out later this weekend and fun with some boys, the whole nine yards. time to go home, and time to get back on the bus and head home.

so. i go to the bus stop. two guys are standing there and i can see by their faces that they've been waiting a while, which is good because it means that a bus should be coming...they've done the crap part for me and have waited already too long in the cold. Turns out it was 16 degrees but because of the city wind chill, it felt like -2. i started The Innocence Mission album on my Ipod L'il Guy, pulled my hat down a little further and prepared to wait.20 minutes later, i was starting to have trouble feeling my feet and the wind was blowing my coat open around my knees and it was too cold to handle. I handn't wanted to walk home cause it's really a long walk, it's FREEZZINGZ, windy and i was worried about walking in heals over icy sidewalks on which i could have fallen at any time. I decided to walk toward home, not all the way home, but toward home, toward the next bus stop 2 blocks ahead, getting myself moving and getting the blood flowing, turning around periodically to check if a bus was on it's way. after going to the 5th block, i thought it was finally coming. i saw the lights and stopped, knowing i'd soon be in a warm bus to take me the rest of the way home. turns out it was a fire truck...boo. so the walk continued. and i began to realize that i might just be walking home tonight..as each block closer made the two dollars being scrunched in my mittened hand seem like a waste to give away to the bus driver. it didn't matter though, a bus never came... i finally turned east to go toward my street and the wind was literally pushing me so hard i thought i was going to have to slide over into a news paper box in order to stop being pushed into the intersection. soon i found myself at my grocery store and it was over...i had walked home. and even though i felt good cause i had walked off the cookie dough i had for dinner before i left, i couldn't believe i had made it. you'd think the 1)muscle, 2)fat, 3)skin, 4)all of the above, in my thighs would have kept me warm, but they were near numb and i was worried about frost bite...ok, well, not really, but seriously, they needed to thaw out...by the time i keyed my apartment building The Innocence Mission album was over and i had run out of music...

turns out my high heal boots got me home even in icey below freezing windy weather...Thank goodness!!

oh, by the way, my apartment is open for visitors at any time!!

is it 2008 already??

2008-01-08T21:07:00.000-06:00

ok. so. some pics from Christmas/New Years. and perhaps a story or two....
a long ride to Grand Rapids (for some ZZzz) and then to Rochester
brayson totally took over, pushed me into the windshield and took my seat next to sis...can't you see the satisfaction in his eyes? or is that fear i see??

So, with my second bout of pink eye...(urgh)...i couldn't be a hermit the whole Christmas vacation and we all went out for dinner. i refused pics though..well, except for this one...
aren't they pretty?
yummy dessert crepes for breakfast:)
ok, so here's the story with this pic. So, we were back in Chicago after Christmas but before New Year's and we went out for a night on the town. a little while here, some time there..we end up at a club and had just dropped our coats at the coat check and we're starting our second drinks by the bar. all of a sudden we hear the sad attempt at imitating dogs, and i look at sis and said "if those guys are BARKING at us...we're SO out of here". turns out, one dark and attractive guy and his friend were actually barking at us. and i have to say, i denied my urge to throw my drink in his face, with a "you've GOT to be kidding me" as we both turn away to leave...but i didn't. i didn't want to waste my drink on a guy who obviously wouldn't be getting me another one, and i have a hard time yelling at anyone... sadly, we talked to them for a few minutes. their third friend was actually cool and had some serious moves on the dance floor. we ditched them soon after cause they were lame. a city full of hot, successful, fun guys and these two Barked at us..omg...
so, then after work monday sis and i sped back to GR to make it to my bro's band's concert...in really bad weather... They were the opening band to Domestic Problems, a well known local band that has played at the Intersection on New Year's 5 yrs in a row. A Thousand Plateaus (my bro's band) were SOOO great:)
A Thousand Plateaus
this is the band of Domestic Problems...with an ATP member...:)
oh how i love them!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR:):)

New Hampshire Debates

2008-01-05T20:57:00.001-06:00

ok, so i'm working on paying more attention to politics to make sure that i'm going to make an informed and educated decision come the 2008 elections. This is an important time to get the sad and disappointing (to say it nicely) administration the hell out of the White House.

the New Hampshire Debates were on tonight. Interestingly on ABC but partnered with Facebook, so i watched comments on Facebook while watching the debate...

A few thoughts (though early and very subject to change)
The Republican Debate:
First of all, i don't like any of them. Honestly. and not just because the idea of keeping a Republican in the White House makes me want to move back to Canada...Guiliani was ok, i actually felt like he held his own but wasn't any stronger than anyone else. Romney, you can't trust if your life depended on it. He seems like a weasle and kind of scares me. He did, however, talk about actual Health Care changes that seem (from his point of view) to get health care for everyone in his state. I honestly didn't find Thompson or McCain to really talk about anything substantial. Huckabee, i felt to be professional and more to the point than most others. The interesting thing was, i was following the facebook posts and Everyone Loved Ron Paul. like LOVE him. i do agree that he said what young voters are talking about, but he seemed to talk more out of anger than of realistic professional position, and he didn't have anything to follow up his anger about the current state of the country. I didn't disagree with his statements, but he had nothin to offer. It brings some concern that 'the youth' all love him, but how is he going to fix anything, or work on anything?

The Democratic Debate:
The first half of the debate was all about picking at each other's short comings, and it was like being in 6th grade. i was annoyed. finally Bill Richardson comes in and says there have been hostage situations that were more civil than that current debate. it was funny. Clinton was actually the instigator of the picking on each other, which was frustrating. then Edwards came in and said that she was essentially the 'status quo' that doesn't like 'real change' aka Edwards and Obama...she got pissed. it was funny. anyways, all of that was annoying. i felt that they finally got to some points of importance in terms of the war and health care, environment, etc.. however, it still was talking generalities that 'the people deserve people to fight for them', and they really focused on past experiences and still focused on the faults of the other candidates. i'm not sure if that's what these debates are supposed to be. Edwards talked about having to stop lobbyist coctail parties and big companies from influencing the politicians, he admitted that one can't take their money, and work with the big companies and then try to challenge them. He also talked a lot about working for middle class people. Obama and Clinton about the cap and trade proposals for decreasing carbon emissions. Richardson, actually seems to have good experience as Govenor balancing budgets and creating jobs. He also was the only one that focused on education and global warming. Also, the last question to each was to give one statement each candidate may want to take back over the last multiple debates. Clinton skirted the question, Richardson actually admitted, Edwards talked about a comment about Clinton's jacket he wished to take back. Obama skirted it too.

my initial thoughts before watching were for Clinton first and Obama second. I didn't want Edwards because he's too cliche and expected as a white male, and i didn't know anything about Richardson. I have to say, i liked Edwards and Richardson better than i thought, though i'm aware that Edwards attacked Clinton and stuck with Obama because he knows he needs to get rid of her, so i'm not sure where to go with that. Clinton still brings a lot of experience, but she falls back on that constantly, and is using her husband's successes as her own too often for my comfort. Obama...i like him, but just don't feel that he would be the best candidate. it'll be interesting to see what else happens in the next year. it'll be interesting to see where things go from here...

seems that polls show Clinton and Obama to be tied at 33%, and McCain still holds a strong lead against the other Republican candidates. So it's still a battle for Democrats. however, i really don't think that any of the republicans have a fighting chance. i hope i'm right...can you imagine????????

i don't know what to write about.

2007-12-28T23:44:00.000-06:00

but i know a new post is SO needed. so i figured i'd update. Christmas was good. i'm back at work. sister and dad are at my place. Shopping will happen tomorrow and sunday for sure. i'm planning on GR for new years. that's it. life continues:)

can you believe it?

2007-12-18T23:32:00.000-06:00

why is it that they don't play Friends reruns anymore during normal hours? it's on at 11:30pm after Sex and the City. I've realized that pre-prime-time shows consist of crap like According to Jim, Still Standing (which i didn't even know what it was until i was sick last week), and Two and a Half men. None of those shows are good, and it's unfortunate that the shows of 'my time' aren't played anymore during hours that i'm actually awake. i'm staying up now to watch it cause i was up anyways, and it's so rare, that i figured i'd try to enjoy it. turns out i'm falling asleep, and delirious cause i'm writing a post about it. anyways...i miss Friends and Sex and the City and normal shows that are shown at normal hours of the day.

back to the real world

2007-12-16T18:42:00.000-06:00

a little paranoia set in yesterday when my eyes were still a little 'messy' yesterday morning, and i decided not to infect everyone that i served at the restaurant. "Here's your order of over easy eggs, bacon, homefries, oh, and an added possibility of being sick and gross during the holidays. enjoy your meal!!!"

So, i stayed home. AGain. for the 4th day in a row. maybe i was being drastic, but i didn't want to take chances. I did, however, enjoy a 2.5 mile walk in blistering weather by the water. which might be dumb for the health, but much needed for the spirit that was going crazy in my apartment. Brayson liked it too. Today i was at work. the first day i've worn makeup in what has seemed like forever, and while i don't like wearing glasses to the restaurant cause they kind of 'get in the way', everything went well...besides the whole not making any money and wanting to quit part!!

the walk yesterday was good. i did some serious sole -searching...looking at a year being over and looking at what i have to show for it...a bit of pre-new year's thinking. i can't believe i've been here for a year and a half...and that this place is really becoming home. i've had good things happen this year...i've met new people, i've started a different position at work, i've bought a car...and still so many things i want to do here. A friend told my mom last week while she was here for the weekend that being in Chicago is addicting...in her response to the thought of leaving. i understand the sentiment, because even though i may have experienced a lot already, there's Always another reason to stay...another 'something' to go to or experience. and so much that i haven't seen of chicago yet. I do feel that even though it's been a good year, i could have done more...and with some honest pondering, i realize that i am afraid. i am strong in some ways, but fear keeps me back from some things ...like joining a community soft ball team cause i don't know anyone else playing. i don't want to look back on my time here someday, wishing i had just had a little more courage so i could have Really experienced this place. though i do have to say that sometimes i don't do these things because i work two jobs and sometimes i'm tired, or i'm in Grand Rapids watching my brother's band...(who are playing at Intersection NEW YEAR"S EVE, tickets are on sale now...however...my pre-New Year's resolution...is to not let my own personal issues hold me back. there's NO reason for it. and as i don't believe in New Year's resolutions, i feel this is fitting because it happened just shy of two weeks early!!

Other things i want to do in Chicago:
1. get involved in the music scene...for real
2.go to more films...i've been all about documentaries lately...i'm hoping to go to Helvetica tomorrow...even if my friend Rachel can't make it:)
3.expand my weekend activities
4.join a sports group...softball, tennis, volleyball, kickball...whatever it may be. Beach volleyball through the church was great this summer...but i can do more.
5.foster and grow some good friendships i already have
6.go on a freakin date or two...;)
6.5. follow politics and world events more closely and be able to have good conversations about them...and vote intelligently for the 2008 election.
7.do a pottery class...ok, not to be so cliche, but i really would like to make something cool on a pottery wheel
8.expand my knowledge and skill in the realm of food...Yes Bex...i want to learn to cook, rn't u proud of me??...at least something new so that i stop eating mac and cheese so damn much...) (ooh, i've been afraid to tell you, it's gotten worse, last time i was at Aldi i bought Ramen Noodles...eeek there were 20 for like TWO damn DOllars!!)
9.get my finances in order, and learn more so that i am smart and wise with my money.
10.get married, have 1.5 kids and live happily ever after...oh wait, i don't want to do that

i thought about posting this, and i figured, even though some of it might be hard to say, it's out there, and i can be held accountable. these are things i want. so i'm gonna go for it. next year i can look back and see how things went (not that i expect to complete all of these things in 12 months of course), and figure out where to go from there.

so let's get to it...

oh the boredom...

2007-12-13T20:34:00.001-06:00

my 2nd day into pink eye and i'm bored out of my mind. DC, you were right. i woke up this morning and had to walk around blind for a bit until i got a warm cloth and was able to soak and clean my eyes out. sooo nasty. and after i was unfortunately awakened by an employee 45 minutes before work would have started for me, provided i Wasn't sick and Was going to work, i've been up since 7:45 and trying to stop from twiddling my thumbs.

List of things i've done today:
1.cleaned my entire apartment,
2.clipped my dog's toenails
3.wrote a bunch of christmas cards
4.mailed the christmas cards i had stamps for
5.i read a book
6.emailed coworkers about work stuff
7.watched a movie instead of stupid day-time soap operas
8.ate 2 cups of icecream
9.gargled salt water to try to get rid of my sore throat
10.gave myself eye drops every 2-4 hrs and drank lots of liquids to try to get better.

i saved baking cookies and doing laundry for tomorrow.

so, i know that i won't get a lot of sympathy votes for having 'vacation' for three days. but it's harder than you think. if i had three days to go out and enjoy chicago, that would be one thing, but it's being stuck in the apartment. i brought my cards to the mailbox, but i seriously am scary looking with two really red, swollen and make-up-less eyes. i might head to a diner for brunch tomorrow just to get out of the house. my dog is certainly glad i'm home...and though i got honestly concerned comments from many friends in regards to my post about giving him up for adoption, i really was just venting and i DO love him to death. He's been a sweet heart and i will never abandon my baby. apologies for the need for concern and thanks for your helpful comments. I have actually tried to walk him more, and be more consistent with him. So thanks!

off to finish watching the rerun of Grey's Anatomy...

Dr's orders...

2007-12-12T15:56:00.001-06:00

so...

this morning, i woke up with crusty and red eyes. i started to panic. PINK EYE?? oh NO. i Can't have Pink eye...i have to work. i missed work on monday because of bad flu-like symptoms. i Can't possibly have to stay home the rest of the week. After trying to get ahold of a doctor, and after both eyes seemed to clear up the more i got ready for work/or to see the doctor, i decided to head to work and hope for the best. My doctor called me back before her work day began to tell me at first she thought it must be pink eye, but then when i told her i've had bad cold-like symptoms, that 'it could definitely be just from your cold, so if you want me to treat you over the phone, i can, or you can come in at 11am this morning." thinking it's dumb to have her 'treat' me over the phone if she just said it could be either one thing or the other, i decided to go in at 11am. i didn't want her to 'think' it was pink eye and tell me to stay home for three days if it really was just a cold. So, in good faith, i went to work, carefully cleaned aftermyself whereever i went, and did one visit before i went to see the Dr. not to be nasty, but the puss continued, and i knew it was pink eye...turns out, i was right, and i had to call and tell everyone i'll be out for the next three days. this is like THE WORST time of the year to be out of the office for 4 days in one week. and i'll probably be doing a lot of work from home..i was making phone calls all afternoon, but now, i have three days to pamper myself and make sure i get better. i better get to it!!!

not like it's all fun though, my eye hurts and is nasty...thank goodness for eye drops!!

no pain, no gain

2007-12-11T19:52:00.000-06:00

to make sure that this post isn't inappropriate, as it Is posted on the World Wide Web...i'll keep it brief, however, it's nice to know that sometimes, hard work, uncomfortable, difficult hard work brings reward. One of my most challenging meetings thus far took place last week. it seems that because of it, things are better so far this week. i hope this trend continues...

a few discoveries...

2007-12-01T16:18:00.000-06:00

1. i fit in boys Lg shirts. i figured this out yesterday as i went to a few places to find some t-shirts/jerseys for the Bulls game i'm going to on Monday night. turns out, boys large fit quite well. the nice thing is they're cheaper than men's (or women's if they had them...of course they don't)...why didn't think of this before? i think for things like hoodies and long sleeve shirts, i'll frequent Target's boys section. Creapy?? um...no, really it's not.

2.i never knew i'd get so excited about a snow fall. it finally feels like Christmas cause it's FINALLY snowing outside. well, it Was snowing and now it's a nasty sleet/rain that's cold and wet and no fun when walking 6 blocks to the grocery store. But working in the restaurant today, it was great to look outside and see the snow first fall, then accumulate...buses slow, people wear hats and mittens and wipe away snowflakes from their eyelashes. it's great!

3.i'm not really a dog lover. i have decided that i'm giving mine up for adoption. he's driving me nuts and i'm tired of replacing stuff in my apartment because he can't chill the f out. why do i bother cleaning up? seriously? he just gets into the garbage and has it strewn all over the apartment, or, once i put the garbage under the sink so that he doesn't get into it anymore, he rips the blinds down or rips holes in my couch cover. i'm SOO tired of him. i'm currently down a cup and plate and a window shade. the new couch cover is actually still in tact, but it's only a matter of time. and those of you out there thinking that it's really the owner that communicates that this behavior is ok, or that i need to be more the 'pack leader' so that he knows his own role, i know it's true. but i don't know what i've done to make this occurance consistant and i don't know what to do to get out of it. he's currently in the bathroom...cause i didn't want to hit him.

4. i actually like my apartment. the bug issue has decreased and i've figured out a way to keep warm enough not to complain anymore. the space is really cool and it's going on 2 yrs now that i've been here. i think i'll put the thoughts of buying a home on hold. i did a bit of research anyways, and don't think it's right for me. i can hang out here for a bit longer (with or without a dog!!)

i'm hungry. i'm gonna go eat.

uh, yeah...

2007-11-23T23:07:00.000-06:00

Zzzzzzz.....

2007-11-18T21:58:00.000-06:00

this weekend, i had the pleasure of going to Albany New York for the wedding of two of my dear friends. i took my violin on the plane with trepidation after the internet sites warned of violins breaking due to the change in air pressure. I played in the wedding and got to spend priceless time with the bride, groom and their family and friends. a true blessing and treat. i can tell i'm getting older though, after being out after 1 and 2 two nights in a row, i'm EXHAUSTED and slept through the Entire flight home. and after a 1.5hr flight, and a 2 hr ride home on the subway (subway to shuttle bus to subway to bus to walking home), i made it back to my pooch and my bed...

so, after a great weekend, i'm headed to bed.
the happy couple at breakfast before the wedding:) how adorable:)

love you guys:):)

oh how things change...

2007-11-08T17:52:00.000-06:00

i've realized over the last few months that my style of blogging has changed dramatically from when i first started...two years ago this month. it's crazy to look back and see what i've experienced, what i've gone through, mood swings, crushes, friendships, travels. i truly have SO much to be thankful for, and (side note: i was brought to that realization the other day when speaking to a friend who is from Belarus as she explained how she came to the US when she was 18 and has made a life for herself here, hoping to someday either join her mother and brother in Australia with her dad, or have them all come to the US because conditions in Belarus are so difficult. my life has been cake compared to that...but i digress...)

my life, documented, has been crazy. and good. i've noticed though, that my posts have become much more pictoral and a bit less honest. not less honest like i'm lying or anything, but more one sided...less 'journal' like, less personal, more about things i do than about what's Really going on sometimes.not always, but sometimes...which might be a good thing. when it started, i did it as an experiment, or as a chance to vent because no one really read it, or because i didn't know who read it. NOW, over 10 thousand site-counts later, it's different because i know people who read it...haha...

anyways, a few more pics...last weekend i went to the Sunset Rubdown concert at the Empty Bottle in chi-town. (for those of you who know Wolf Parade, it's the same lead singer). i went with a friend and her boyfriend and a bunch of their guy friends. omg...SO much fun!! after the show i played pool with the guys, impressed them a bit...and went up to one of the band members to ask where they were going afterwards. a bunch of fun guys thinking you Won't do something crazy is just enough motivation to do it (as long as it's within reason, of course, RELAX!!). plus, i'll probably never be close enough to the band again to make it a big deal. after we went and followed the band to the next club like 14 yr old groupies, i went and told Spencer Krug, the lead singer, that the show was fabulous. He was awesome by the way, he acted as if he was really touched that i came over to tell him i enjoyed the show. he wasn't stuck up or anything...but i digress again...needless to say the guys thought i was crazy, and cool, and were all inlove with me...hehe..

proof that i had a blast::

uh......i look like i'm falling asleep
we were still getting organized...
and the two other guys craming in the booth didn't really make it into the pitures...
until...

uh, yeah...

one more day...hopefully

2007-11-06T18:05:00.001-06:00

so, i'm scheduled to get my car back tomorrow afternoon. i'm stoked...cause i love my car. life without my car has been difficult, though barely survivable:) the fun part, yes, i'm crazy, but i've been enjoying using public transportation every morning and evening, even though it means i have to leave the house over an hr earlier than usual, and i can't stay late to work cause i have a longer ride home. but i like it. probalby cause i know i'm only doing it for a week and not every day of the next year or more. i like being part of the city, going through downtown and learning the systems better. what i haven't been enjoying is the vehicle i've been using in the meantime in order to do my visits. ain't she a beauty???

i even had to take a psychiatric resident out all day friday in it...i think my yaris would have been alittle more comfortable. he and i reminisced about these vans being cool when we were in middle school. haha...but i have to say, i'm not complaining...it's cheaper than renting a car for a week, especially after the frustration of last time, and it allowed me to do my job.... i felt pretty fly i have to say...well, no, but even though i won't miss this van, i'll miss reading on the red line, orange line and 35/kedzie bus every day...:)

another trip over...boooo

2007-10-31T19:17:00.000-06:00

so i spent a long weekend in colorado springs with my sis...we did so many great and fun things, and i got to meet so many of her friends as well as a few of my own...it was a treat. too bad colorado and illinois are so far apart.... here are some pics to share the fun...(i'm not in a type-y mood)

(Ingrid Michaelson)
(Matt Nathanson)

(Guitarist from Mele who had killer Band-Guy hair)

oh the fun:)

i hate to go here but...

2007-10-24T19:06:00.000-06:00

i hate to say it, and i might be a little premature...but i think the Rockies are going to get their asses kicked...the Red Sox are on a winning streak and i think they're going to do some serious damage. i hope not, but i think it's true...a couple more things...this weekend i got to go to grand rapids (i know i should probably just move there cause i go all the time) and i got to hang out with my friends AM and DC, then head to my brother's concert at Rocky's, where his band A Thousand Plateaus played some oldies and some new music that hadn't been played in public yet. not to be corny but i was oh, so proud!!!
then had a great lunch with AV the next morning, got to see TH for about 20 minutes and had dinner with AM, DC and LC before i came back to chicago...all of this in less than 24 hrs. sleep? you ask??? hahahhahahaha

however, driving back into the chicago was cool...this is why i love this city...it was a big night for boxing...and a couple of weeks ago, for the cubs...gotta love the spirit...

maybe this is why i get myself into car accidents...cause i'm obviously paying so much attention to the road....:)

time flies...

2007-10-23T20:01:00.001-06:00

...is it wednesday tomorrow already???

ps. my dog has learned that he can knock over the big bag of dog food off of the garbage can...the same big bag of dog food that until how has prevented him from getting into the garbage can and going through everything, spewing it all over the apartment. this is bad. call me weird, but i don't wanna put my garbage under the sink because ever since i moved in it's been damp, and i try not to think of bugs under there, even though the leak hasn't been an issue in months. it's creapy and i ignore it whenever possible...but, if brayson goes through my garbage it has to go under the sink...oh well. i'll buck it up and be like every other good dutch person that i know...pthth...damn dog.

PAY ATTENTION WHEN YOU DRIVE...OR ELSE...

2007-10-16T16:37:00.000-06:00

this is what happens.
the reflection of light on the car makes it hard to tell what's been screwed up in my pics, but to be sures, it's the ENTIRE length of my car...even the handle of my driver side door is half way gone...

there are no words to describe how angry i am at myself. how overwhelmed i am with expenses to get this fixed, and how freaking pissed off i am at myself. oh i said that already. you know, this happened to me about 4 months ago, same road, same damn median, and i got really lucky cause the only damage was what you can see in the blue box in the first picture. it cost me $493 to fix, plus four days of renting a car. my deductible is a grand...mostly cause i NEVER got into an accident nearly this large before, EVER, and i figured i'd never use it anyways. i had to pay everything last time out of pocket, and this time...the damage is 300 fold, so i can only imagine my deductible will be a small portion of the cost. i might as well take a months salary in dollar bills and throw them into Lake Michigan. suck a freakin waste of hard earned money. and you know, i thought that i was starting to get back on track of keeping work off my mind and focusing on what was a hand. i took a personal day last week, i had a good work evaluation where my superiors gave me positive feedback and motivation to relax and take one day at a time and not be so damn stressed out.

what happened was, i had to drive north on lake shore drive to pick up a projector for a big meeting we were having this afternoon. so, i drove there, picked up the machine and was back on my way to work when it happened. i was remembering how the same road, the same travel north had resulted in the last accident and how lucky i had been that only a small portion of the car was wrecked and that, ultimately, i didn't die, or hurt anyone else, or anything. i lamented the financial setback but was confident that i was back on track and working toward paying off my loans again. and within 30 minutes, worse damage had been done, and still, though i'm glad i'm not dead or that no one else was hurt, i came back to the office and scared everyone as i blurted out in between frustrated and angry sobs that, no, i was not dying or that the world was not ending, but in fact i had merely ruined the entire side of my precious car. i was also a little traumatized at the fact that i had been going over 60 mph and could have been seriously hurt.

i guess my somewhat normalizing social life is to be put on hold once again while i work more hours to pay for the craziness that i have found myself in again. and as my overanalyzing mind never stops, i've been thinking all afternoon about why this happened. is it self-sabatoge? is it really just too much stress or is it just one of those things that just happens and i should shut up and be glad that it's not worse than it is?

who knows...

ps. donations are now being accepted, and of course, are greatly appreciated...::winks::

another day, another film

2007-10-15T17:07:00.000-06:00

ok, so saturday night i saw another film from the Chicago Film Festival. it's called Operation Filmmaker, and it was a documentary of sourts about an Iraqi that was seen on MTV by some Hollywood filmmakers. they decided to give him a shot at working on a film in Prague and try to help him out. It's a very interesting look see a guy who was at one time in film school in Baghdad, hanging out with his friends and partying...who has a great opportunity to have some big changes in his life of struggle and pain who reacts and behaves differently than what you expect and yet at the same time, watching someone who probably acts like so many college kids over here in the Americas...i couldn't find a trailer for the film and the only piece on Youtube was about 8 minutes of segments that i didn't feel did the film justice, so you'll have to see the whole thing i guess!!

i was gonna go to a few short films tonight, but decided against it. i'll be going to see one more film tomorrow before it's all over, and i'll have to wait til next year again! what i did get to see though, has been great...

on a completely different note, two weekends ago, i got a random call from a friend of mine from grad school who said he was in Indiana and suggested i come see his team play a little soccer against Notre Dame. he's new to this blog, so i figured i'd give him a warm welcome and post his picture..is that mean??? i think he can take it...lol

a day of rest

2007-10-10T20:22:00.000-06:00

so, today, i took a day off of work. i've been feeling a little too stressed and figured i'd use a personal day so that i don't have a melt down. well not really, but kind of. today was perfect, except that i still got calls and texts from staff. i'm still working on that. anyways, i re-arranged my apartment, bought plates from pier 1 on clearance and a pillow for $25. i still can't believe i spent that much on a couch accesory, but it helps the general decor and feel of the room, really it does!! it'll be even better when i receive the couch cover i ordered tonight, which is Long overdue, so once it get it in the mail, a picture will of course be posted soon after. brayson is frustrated b/c he likes to sit between the side of the couch and the wall, and with the change of furniture, he only has room to walk in to the space, but not to turn around to sit down. it's funny to see him try though. i also got rid of a ton of stuff and even though i'm not in love with the new furniture arrangement, it was a much needed change. I'm in one of those restless, frustrated moods, and something needs to be different. changing furniture sometimes helps change perspective, even if it's just the view from the couch.

do i have to go back to work tomorrow??